My Letters to God.

Letter 94

I was so ready to write but right when I went on here my mind went blank Lord. I don't want to keep complaining because others have it much worse. I felt like one huge hypocrite yesterday smiling and praying for others. We went out to serve the homeless and all of them were smiling and just thanking You God and also praying for us! They were cheerful and one named Robert was saying how he wants to get close to You and focus on You. This other man was saying how our sins are etched on a ice cube and when it melts, You remember it no more. That was how he felt. One man was sick and it was sad seeing him there...so many people suffer and I don't even see it. I stay away from the news and hardly go out, perhaps because whats out there I'm afraid of. What was once a shinning place seems nothing more but decaying people crying out, negativity that easily affects me but yet I'm the selfish one because there are a lot of really good people too and a lot of people who just wants love. Who want a second chance, who hearts like mine bleeds to know You are there. I have nothing to complain about. I'm just one big selfish hypocrite. It felt nice seeing them smile and keep the faith. Seeing them smile at something so tiny as food and some clothes. Prayers and a hug. They took nothing for granted. When was the last thing I cherished something so small? They were like kids, so happy with something small given to them and  kind in there rough environment. I felt bad because I couldn't understand Spanish. I hope to never forget this. Each day, stuck in my own head, feeling like the world is on my shoulders or going crazy trying to get a grip on everything in my own head-there are people really suffering out there. People who all they want is to go home. All they want is a smile and nobody to pass them by, for someone to hug them and not back away disgusted. Someone who a meal and one simple prayer means the world to them. They just want to be treated as human beings; the same beings You God made us as and not something to be looked down at as drunkards or thief. A regular human being, Your children God and my fellow siblings. Thank You God that I was able to help in some small way. That I was able to be part of something that made many smile last night. That I was able to get out of myself for a second and see other humans crying out. Jesus. Thank You and please God, please don't ever let me forget that! Please don't let me forget them whenever I want to complain because lately I have that problem. I wonder if I'm bipolar...or have a anxiety disorder. It seems like that a lot lately but hopeful God I will see somebody about that. If You are willing Lord, I might take counseling and see exactly what is wrong with me or how I can deal with my emotions. God. You are always going to lead me in the right direction for You Jesus are the right direction. Maybe one day I will feel ok and if not, then at least I got the comfort that You went through the same thing Jesus and yet You still had compassion for others and You're showing me how to too. Thank You Jesus. God. Thank You.

Amen.
Candy.