My Letters to God.

Untitled Part 115

Father God,

God, I feel anxious. All day today, Lord, I just been dealing with anxiety after anxiety. I started looking into the coronavirus and honestly, I find myself becoming a little scared if I have it and if I'm spreading it because two days ago, me and toby was having a little trouble breathing. It wasn't bad but we both just felt like our breathing was off – like not much oxygen. It passed and I'm breathing fine now, but then reading some symptoms made me concern. Then the voices of the enemy attacking me is beginning to wear me out and he's maliciously hitting some areas that bring the most fear to me or stops me from doing something good. Then there's the biggest fear in my life. If I'm living my calling like You want me to. If I'm sharing the gospel enough or at all to be honest because I hardly talk to my co-workers, I don't go evangelize, I hardly go out to be honest. I share the gospel within my house, where its safer, or online. God, what am I doing? I'm afraid Lord that when You come back, You're going to tell me I did a horrible job or worse and then I'm going to be thrown away or known as the unproductive follower. Either way, it scares me.

So there it is, my fears, well, the main ones all laid before you. Then the fear for my family. What if they don't get saved? Ironically though, I have more faith for them than I kind of have for myself. It's easier for me to believe for their salvation than me doing my job. I don't know why but that's what I'm struggling with. I know I'm saved and I'm going to heaven but I struggling to believe that I'm living how I should because when I look at myself, it doesn't look like I'm making a difference and that's scary to me and frustrating.

Does that make sense God?

Father God, I give You these concerns and worries. I place it all in Your holy hand and I ask that You will guide me. Help me to rise up in faith for my family and also for myself. To be alert and sober this year more than last. Guide my steps and help me to share the gospel with everyone I meet because these are the end and I want people to get saved. I want my family to get saved before its too late. Help me to not worry about anything but instead, pray about everything and also, God, help me to trust in Your Holy Spirit to speak for me when asked about my faith, life, peace, etc, and to share Your truth and salvation. God, help the people You are sending me to. Give them eyes to see and hearts to receive. Help them to accept You Jesus before time runs out. Help me to make this my goal this year. To share the gospel and to love like You love Jesus. Help me to get serious about this. God, I also pray for churches too, not just the pastors but also my siblings and I. Help us to get closer to You, Lord Jesus, and to not turn away, be ashamed, or be scared about the things happen and will happen. God, help us to stick to You and stay truth to Your truth and not twist it or follow false teachers or doctrine. Give us discernment and help us to watch our hearts closely and hide in Your loving truth.

Father, save my family. Save my dad and Brenda and the kids before its too late. God, open their eyes Lord and give me an opening to talk to them and not care about their thoughts. God, help me to simply share the truth and let You change their hearts and open their eyes. Wake them up.

God, Thank You for helping me Lord to talk to You. To get this out in the open and for the supplies You have for me to make it through this. Thank You for protecting my family and giving them this day as well. Thank You that I got to see my sister and that You are teaching me self-control and perseverance in these struggling and battles. Thank You for being my shelter and the unmovable rock in my life and that You hold me close. God, thank You for Your holy love and for sacrificing Jesus for my sake and raising Him from the dead also, making everything go under his feet. And thank You Jesus for reminding me in the bible that You washed me clean and it is grace through faith in You that I am saved and that those who hold onto their faith in You til the end will inherit the Kingdom. Jesus, I love you and thank You that You are walking with me through these seemingly dark days and that You are using me and will use me to shine brightly, God, for You. In Jesus name, amen. God, I also pray against the corona virus – that my family will be protected and that Lord will be healed. God, please don't let us get the virus and please save my family. In Jesus name, amen.