My Letters to God.

110

God,

Thank you for the time you set apart for us today and for the scriptures that you gave me yesterday and today. God...thank you. This has been a frustrating week and an irritating couple of days but I'm grateful for that because now I think I'm beginning to understand the meaning of letting go of things that are holding me back. Lord God Almighty, I'm grateful for your friendship and your love. I and my friends are just too different now and maybe, on the inside, I do feel rejected by them and abandoned by those I held so close before. I'm changing and I love the person you are bringing out of me. I like that girl. I didn't like the old me; she was heartless and rude and craved wickedness. It was depressing being that old girl...far too depressing. She would have eaten me alive if You didn't save me. God thank you for saving me! 

However...it's not unusual for friends to ditch or leave once someone starts changing. It's normal because now I don't have anything in common with them. I'm not "fun" anymore. It irritating to hear those things but I think I'm more upset at the fact that I don't verballing say what I feel. I'm implosive. I thought I was trying to let go of my feelings of rejection but maybe I was just trying to avoid it by being happy about something else or finding the good things in the painful situations. I wonder if that's why looking on facebook at my friend list, seeing the ones I held close before and now never really talk to, made me angry. Where's the balance in that? How do I let these emotions out without being like my earth dad and sister and blowing up all over the place? 

I don't want to be like my dad and sister. They throw a fit and swear up a storm and take it out of the people around them. It's stressful being around them when they are like that...I don't want to be like that! I can't stand being around them when they get like that in public - they just find everything to complain about.

How do I let the emotions go without being like my dad? How do I acknowledge that I'm upset without letting it eat away at me? God...thank you. Despite all of this, YOU ARE GOOD. You carry me when I feel like giving up and especially when I think about being like everyone else and just not caring again. I thought that these past days. I pondered on adopting others mentality and just not caring about people but that was going too far on the line of balance. You care for us humans so I should care for others too; it's caring about what people think of me that I should not do because then that turns into fearing people over You. 

God, please give me balance and thank you Lord for YOUR friendship when mine seems to be fading. God thank You for Your strength when I'm weak and thank You that You are with me even when those I held close seem to abandon me and reject me. Thank You for the future that You have for me and for the home You prepare for me in Heaven. God, Thank You for your direction in my life and that You give me permission to hand over this burden to You, thank You for carrying this for me and for the privilege to let go of the things that hold me back from You. God thank You that I will be ok because, with You, I have all I need. You are enough for me...please remind me of that when trials come and loneliness sets in to eat away at me or when the enemy comes to try and get me to turn on You. God, please remind me and my siblings in You that You are enough to sustain us. That we are not alone and not forgotten and that we have a purpose and You love us a lot. You know the number of hair on our head and You delight in even the smallest detail of our lives. You take the good and the bad and You make them work for the good of those who love You. God thank You for Your awesomeness and for the gifts that You have given us, Thank You for the friendships that are meant to be in our lives and for the ones that are not but they teach us important lessons along the way. God, I am grateful that You are teaching me these things now before I grow old and weary of everything. God thank You for Your great love that wants me to get wisdom now before I even start my life per say. God, Thank You for being my friend because I know even now as I still struggle to let go of my relationship that is not good for me...I'm the least that is worthy of being Your friend yet You still chose me. God thank You and, in Jesus name, Amen.