A Shot At Love [MFBTY- Bizzy AMBW]

Chapter 45

Now that the Vladimir is gone things can go back to normal, right?

Oh how I wish it were that simple.

I still dream of him. Of me... pulling the trigger and killing him... of killing her. I've become the very thing I've hated Vladimir for, but I had to do it; if not for me then for Joon Young and our unborn daughter. I keep telling myself that there was no other way. Had he gone to jail, he would've easily escaped. He has many connections I'm sure.

The only way out was death. His death was the only plausible solution. There was no alternative route. I've gone over that day in my head time and time again, but it all ends in death... his death. I still feel guilty for killing Anna's unborn baby.

An innocent life...

That's what I struggle with the most. Even if Vladimir died I would've been alright with that, but the death of their baby was an accident. It's been 2 months since then, but I still don't have the courage to go back into the nursery where it all happened.

The carpets may be cleaned, but their blood is still on my hands.

How do I escape this constant nightmare? Even in death I'm still haunted. Though it's finally quiet, I can still hear the gun shots. I can still feel the vibrations from when I pulled the trigger over and over and over and over again...

I had to make sure he wouldn't come back and hurt my child. I'm 6 months pregnant, and I feel as if I will explode any minute from the guilt. It's like a poison that's slowly killing me from the inside out. Joon Young doesn't speak of that day. He's just happy that me and the baby are safe.

But the truth is clawing at my heart to get out, and soon I won't be able to control the beast inside. Joon Young is pretending for my sake, but it's only making it worse.

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Joon Young's POV:

"Yeobo, gwenchana? (Honey, are you okay?)" We were sitting out back on the porch. I've been talking to her for about 10 minutes, but she's been spaced out. I tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped in surprise. Her eyes widened, and she placed her hand over her heart.

"Ya! Don't do that! You nearly scared me to dea..." I waited for her to finish. "You nearly scared me." She whispered and looked back at the stars.

"Mianhae." I chuckled. Mo cut her eye at me and playfully hit me on the shoulder. She actually gave me a genuine smile, and it warmed my heart. Pulling her onto my lap she snuggled closer to me.

It was silent for a few minutes; neither one of us knowing what to say or how to address the huge elephant in the room. I haven't brought it up, because I've been fighting an internal battle myself. I almost lost my wife and my child that day, and I blame myself. Had I just taken her seriously at the hospital...

"Hajima... Don't blame yourself..." Mo whispered. I shivered from her accuracy. Sometimes I wondered if she knew me better than I knew myself. Sighing, I kissed her neck and she tensed up. "I love you." Once she heard my voice she relaxed.

"I love you too." She looked down and fiddled with her fingers. "I've..." Mo turned and looked at me with tears eyes. "I've been having nightmares and I feel guilty for killing Anna's unborn baby. I took an innocent life and that's the hardest part." She touched her stomach and I quickly engulfed her in the biggest hug.

I thought about my words before I said them. "This will never be your fault. Things were set in motion long before we knew each other. They chose this path. It's unfortunate that lives were lost in the process, but I count my blessings that God protected you and our baby. I'm proud of you for defending yourself."

"Can we pray? I just have this urge to pray right now." Mo said. We asked God for forgiveness of our sins and continual protection over our lives and the lives of our loved ones. We asked God to take away the condemnation and the nightmares and to guard our hearts and minds from the attacks of the enemy. As we prayed the peace, love and comfort of God flooded our hearts.

The stains of our past were washed clean in His blood.

Mo looked at me, and I could see the life coming back to her. She was glowing. "We haven't named her yet.... Do you have any ideas?" Her gasp caused me to be on high alert. She took my hand and placed it on her belly. I felt my daughter kick, and it became one of the most memorable moments of my life.

"We should name her..."

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Author's Note:

A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE READING, COMMENTING AND/OR VOTING. I APPRECIATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU!!!