Project Player

Feelings

 Jax pulled away with his eyes wide. He started shaking his head slow. What was it?

  " Toni I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But I'm not going to deny my feelings." he breathed. His green eyes burning into my brown ones. " I just want to ask...would you be willing to maybe try?"

  " I...I don't know. I don't want to seem like a whore because I just got out of a breakup not too long ago," I laughed. " Considering how much sex you have."

   " Nobody has to know. And I guess I can respect it. And in all honesty, I haven't had sex for about two weeks." he chuckled nervously.

  " Oh my lord, are you sick?!" I asked patting his head.
 
   " No, I'm fine. Just not feeling like it's with the right girls. If it's not with you, it's just screwing around you know."

  " I understand, I think. I guess we could try it out, but I'd love to keep it personal you know. I don't want everyone in the business. As of they know, I'm in a wonderful, magical, stupendous long distance relationship with Brendan." I said rubbing my temples. 

   " So, can we kiss again?" he asked. I nodded and just pecked his cheek and looked out the window, smiling. " No lip action?"

  " Uh...no," I giggled.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  " Can I have a chocolate shake, extra whipped cream. A cheeseburger, extra bacon. And some curly fries, not too much salt," I said giving the menu to the waitress. She nodded and walked away.

   "Really?" asked Jax. " You got that for lunch?"

  " What should I get?" I questioned. " A salad." I made a weird pervert face and he laughed.

   " That's the sexiest thing I'v ever seen," he said licking his bottom lip slowly. I just spaced out when he did that. I wasn't concentrating right. He just ruined my life with what he just did. I keep playing it back in my head, but even slower. " Toni..." he said snapping me out of my daze. 

  " Yes..." I said awkwardly looking out the window.

   " It's okay, I stare at you and fantasize about you too," he laughed. I looked at him with wide eyes. Did he really just say that?

  " Okay, thanks for making me feel even more uncomfortable than usual." 

   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 " Thanks for taking me out for lunch," I told him. I climbed out the car and looked at him. He poked out his lips and I pecked his cheek.

   " Too fast?" he pondered.

   " I just don't know Jax. I'm sorry. But thanks for everything," I said with a smile. He nodded and waved. 

   Now it's just me, Marvel movies, and pizza.

  Jax's P.O.V 

   I drove home to see my sister giggling, walking out the door. " Where are you going?" I asked. She looked at me, with an awkward face. Then he came out. 

  " Oh hey Kent." I said waving. Her fiance. He's a cool guy, but I just don't want Kirsten carrying all the weight in their relationship.

   " Hey brother in law," he said giving me a bro hug. " We're just heading out for a while. We'll be back in time to give the parents the news."

  I nodded as he picked her up bridal style and walked out the house. i really wanted to spend time with her, but I guess I'll be fine. And she came across my mind. I honestly really have feelings for Toni. I'm not in love. I still have deep feelings for Hayley. I always have and will. 

  Flashback 

   " Jax, you need to stop following me. It's getting annoying," she laughed. She threw a pillow at me and ran away.

  " I'm being nice. I need to know you're protected in your own home." I said picking her up and kissing her. She pulled away and stared at her feet.

   " Sorry, I just don't want that right now." she whispered. I rose a brow and hugged her, but she pulled away again. " I think it would be better if you just left." I nodded and walked away. 

  End of Flashback.

  Ever since then, she acted funny until I saw her and apparently her new guy staring down at me in her window. She yelled at me, and told me about how were never alright when I thought we were perfect. Since then, I promised to never catch feelings with another girl. But I'm almost breaking that promise and I need to fix that. I can't catch feelings for Toni. She treat me just like her. Or maybe not.

   Ugh, this bitch did  this to me! She broke my heart. I stared at the ceiling. Fire burning inside.

  " Why did you do this," I said as if I was speaking to her. " Why did you fuck up my ability to trust again, huh? What the hell did I do to you! Then you just left me? You cold, heartless, crazy...beautiful.....girl."

   " I don't want you Jax. We're through. It's over. You hear me. You were nice and all, but be honest, it wasn't anything particular."  

   " I fucking love you so much," I said sadly. Why does she always have a way of getting into my mind? Doing these things to me? Knowing I still have feelings. I wonder if she's changed? If she's done with her whole gothic attitude. She said it was a just a little phase and she wanted to try it out, as if was an outfit. I didn't like that statement very much. It's like she thought was a game. Like my feelings....Ugh why can't she just leave my head?

  Toni's P.O.V 

  " Toni, we're home!" said my mom. I looked to just see her and Luke.