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      Why everytime I start feeling happy, someone fucks it up for me. She just brought back my thoughts, ugh! I just stood at the door with my mouth slightly opened. I was so into my thoughts.

      "Toni are you okay? Don't you want some food?" Jax asked. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me towards him. I shook my head and returned to the real world.

   "I'm fine. Let's eat," I said barely audible. I softly pushed him away and to kitchen.

      "Who was at the door?" he interrogated. I stopped and looked at him, also making sure Luke wouldn't be able to hear. He shouldn't considering the kitchen is a little far and he chew extremely loud.

   "Dammit Jax it wasn't anyone so stop asking me questions alright!" I exclaimed. He was about to open his mouth, but I stopped him,"and no, I don't want to talk about it."

       "Okay whatever you say," he said putting his hands up in defense. The entire time we ate, I was silent. I was in my own thoughts once again. Luke is pretty smart and knew there was tension. He had excused himself about two minutes ago, but I didn't say a single word. 

        There was a part in my brain that was screaming to say something to Jax. 

   "You want to have sex?" I asked. He spit out the water that he was drinking. He coughed a couple of times before finally getting his breathing back to normal.

        "Toni are you sure?" he questioned.

    "Yeah we can do it tomorrow, or even now I don't care," I said shrugging like it was no big deal. He didn't seem to believe me, and just shook his head.

     "Don't get me wrong baby, I'd love to do that with you. Hell, I've wanted it since you came to school, but I don't believe you. You wouldn't break your walls so easily," he replied. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath.

     "C'mon Jax!" I whined, "we can do it now! Please! I need to make you happy."

        "You already make me happy," I heard his voice say. His chair screeched against the tile and he pulled me into a hug, "what makes you think you don't make me happy?"

    "It's dumb...but I'm a virgin and you've been with multiple girls. The person at the door was someone at school talking about having some fun with you. She told me it's never stopped you before when you had a girlfriend to fuck other girls. I just thought I don't make you happy, because I've never done anything with you," I confessed.

        "Don't think like that alright. You make me happy all the time," he said kissing my nose,"you don't give that up until you're ready. A virginity is something special and you should cherish it. Not just give it to any asshole."

    "But you're not an asshole," I breathed out,"you're a better person than you think you are. I see you differently you know. A different light than when I first met you. You're very caring, protective, and brave. You may be selfish, but you're still a good person."

        "Wow thanks babe," he said kissing my forehead,"but what you're saying is that you'd like to give it to me?" he asked. He looked unsure, but there was hope in his eyes. Hope that I'd say yes to let him have something so close to me.

   "Yup."

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        I left Jax's house an hour ago. The house was so quiet and I was just with Luke sitting around. I had school in the morning. I thought about how losing it to Jax would be like. Obviously painful. What if it's like...too big?! That's horrifying. Or what if he has a Mike & Ike between his thighs?