𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 «Zaylena»

36 ; Revised

Trigger Warning: Character Dialogue
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Stars Dance
Chapter 36
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Selena's Point of View

ZAYN AND I had managed to make it out of the hotel and he and I decided to just hang out at the beach for the rest of the day. Being jetlagged we really didn't want to go anywhere at all. Even though we had showered and managed everything to get the tiredness off of our bodies, it was still there and nothing would have been able to fix it anyway. We walked off of the hotel grounds, and onto the sandy beach. Hand in hand with each other, the humid beach wind blew through my hair, and the two piece bikini I had on. For the bottom half I wrapped this silk around my waist so that I would be most comfortable. Zayn on the other hand had his swim trunks on, shirtless where his tattoos were clearly visible and a pair of sunglasses. We really didn't say much and took as much at the calming out doors as we could.
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It was a mini vacation, away from the drama, people and school work. While it was a short time, I decided to make the best of it. I had to, I deserved it and he deserved it too. Back in London, it seemed like Zayn had a lot on his back, and people always had something to say about him. He would never truly find peace without people always judging his movements, and their want to cause his to act on his emotions that he clearly didn't want to. Zayn had enteral darkness within him, as he told me one day that he was managing to control. Even though he has never really come through with telling me what's truly bothered him, I hope in this time that we were here, he did.
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"This is just one of the many beaches in California." I said to him as we walked the beachside, with the cold water touching at our feet with each wave.
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"It's nice." He admitted. "But the water is freezing." He admitted. "Usually to go to places like this we would have to go outside of Britain, somewhere warmer, the last time we ever went to some sort of place with water was before my father turned into the shit hole he is." He began.
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"How old were you?" I whispered as we walk back close to the hotel, and sat in one of the beach chairs away from the rays of the sun.
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We sat down, and one of the waiters brought us some cocktails. "I was like six or seven." He said. "My father's a piece of shit, but we had some fun times then." He admitted. "It hadn't hit the fan yet."
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"Did you know...." I trailed on not really wanting to touch the subject unless he felt comfortable with talking. "your parents we having problems?" I dared to question.
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He leaned back into the recliner beach chair and stared straightforward through is glasses, while I sat up and listened to him just talk. "You know as a kid, you're just suppose to have fun." He chuckled at the memory I suppose. "You're not suppose to carry the burden of hearing your mum crying every night because of the shit your father just said, it was horrendous to hear, but I did." He admitted.
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"I'm so sorry." I whispered, not really knowing what else to say to him.
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"It's heartbreaking to see your mum then have to put a smile on her face, and carry her family as if nothing ever happened the night before." He told for his collective memory.
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"Did you ever know what your father argued with your mom about?" I grow comfortable in asking him.
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"I want to say money, but he would throw different shit at her every time they argued that I never really knew what." He lifted his shoulders carelessly. "I caught my mom on the phone one day talking to someone over the line that she suspected of him cheating." He explained. "Other times, it would be because my father had developed this drinking problem." He added. "Variety of things."
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"How did you feel?" I questioned him.
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"I was fighting with my feelings at the time. I didn't know how to feel. You're suppose to love your father and mum equally, but I noticed that I had become more lenient towards my mum as I saw her the most." He said. "My father would disappear days at a time, not knowing where he was sometimes." He explained. "My mum stopped acting like my father ever existed because he was gone so much at that point." He explained. "And then when he would show up, he tried acting nothing was wrong, and that only angered my mum because she had established a healthy home and he just came and ruined it with his problems." He explained.
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"This must have been hard for you and your sisters then." I said as I held my cocktail in my hand and sat beside him as he laid in the beach chair taking my hand and caressing his arm. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this." I admitted.
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My chest feels heavy with everything he is telling me, I couldn't imagine everything he went through as a child. No child should be witness to their parents destruction. It explained, why Zayn held such a disgust towards his father, he couldn't even take him seriously when he showed up at the airport before, he and I left. To my understanding Zayn's father trying to present himself as this cleaned up parental figure, was just a joke to Zayn. I didn't even think he took him serious most of the time, and I had just met him once. Compared to how Zayn talks about him now, he was a completely different person the day at the airport.
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"It was just Doniya and I at the time, who were conscious enough to know what was going on." He explained. "Doniya was a bit older than me, never really wanting to get in our parents business." He admitted. "But how was I just suppose to sit back and watch my own mum take it?" He explained. "Luckily Wailyha was just a child." He said. "I stopped holding any love for my father around the age of ten." He explained. "I viewed him as this monster who was no longer part of my family and who was only trying to hurt us." He said. "I took that boy becoming into a man, too soon for my own good."
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"Did you ever confront your father as you got older?" I questioned.
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"I want to think I started rebelling against my father for my mums sake as soon as I had to courage to speak up." He explained. "My father was violent when he drank." He explains. "I hit my preteens and my teenage years and he and I would argue all the time instead, even though my mum suggested I steer clear." He said. "She said it wasn't my problem but it was becoming my problem when I finally had enough of him." He said.
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I set my drink down on the small table beside the beach chair in which Zayn laid in and I leaned down to lay on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. "Did he ever try to hit you?" I whispered afraid to hear the answer.
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"I was coming home from school one day, it was around the time he had been gone for a week or so" Oh no. "I walked in on my father arguing with my mother about something, and he was really getting into her face about something...I was about like fourteen or fifteen, I don't remember much but I just remember him apologizing for what seemed like the hundred time." He admitted and that's when I began crying.
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He quickly sat up, in worry of his words and cupped my face as tears streamed down my face. "I am so sorry that you had to go through something like that." I whispered, my throat had become small but I tried containing myself from crying. "No one should ever have to go through something like that."
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"Baby it's ok" He smile trying to comfort me in his arms. "this was a long time ago." He explained. "I am ok now." He admitted.
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"I know but this is just too sad." I admitted. "It's hurts knowing that he's the reason you're like this...so angry at the world, so resentful, so-so..." I just cried as he wiped tears away from my face.
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"Come here." He said bringing me closer to him and pressing his lips against mine. "I just feel like the only way I can truly have you understand me is if I tell you." He explained. "I don't mean to hurt you by telling you this, at all."
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"I know there couldn't possibly be any happy ending, but there must be something that brought you some sort of peace?" I say wiping my tears.
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"When he finally picked up his things and left." He admitted. "I don't know why my mum stayed with him for as long as she could, but in the end my youngest sister Safaa was born." He explained. "He stayed with us until she was about four or five, while in that time I tried to avoid his as much as possible." He explained. "Then in comes all the fucked up shit I did throughout high school, a girl I thought was the love of my life, how Jackie became an important part of my life, and how my mother manage to put up with me through the process of it all." He admitted. "My father was gone, but he left the aftermath that was me."
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In a conversation about Zayn's first love was what I was most curious about, but I knew it had to wait. "I love you so much." I told him pressing my mouth against his while straddling his lap as he ran his hands up my back and caress my skin.
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"I love you too." He smiled.