𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 «Zaylena»

37 ; Revised

Stars Dance
Chapter 37
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Zayn's Point of View

SELENA'S WORDS CONCERNED me, after having a successful day with her mother and stepfather, I didn't want to come back to something like this. I had gained a successful impact with Selena's mother and stepfather that I didn't want to hear anything that wasn't good. Selena and I had walked into the room as I followed slowly behind her wondering what she had been meaning to tell me. "What is it?" I questioned in a whisper.
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"You need to sit down for this and I need you take a deep breath, please." She said taking my hand in hers and caressing my knuckles.
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I didn't like the sound of this at all. "Selena what is it?" I insisted to know what she wanted to tell me so badly.
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She took a deep breath and then let it out. "I know you probably excepted this small vacation to go well" She said. "And it is, don't get me wrong." She added. "That before you..." She trailed on, it was as if she was letting me know gently. "I had a boyfriend." She caressed my knuckles followed by a small smile.
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I wasn't taking this as surprising as she thought I would and maybe it was because I wasn't understand what she wanted me to know. I didn't expect Selena to be single before me let along a virgin, but people were full of surprises. I moved sideways with a confused look emerging over my face. "Baby, I'm not understanding." I admitted. "I mean I guess I understand that before me, there would be a couple boyfriends yes but-..." I began.
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"No you're not understanding." She said. "This boyfriend...I was getting really serious with him and he with me." She began to explain as I waited for her to say more, to understand what she truly wanted me to know. "We started dating in sophomore year of high school all the way to our last year" She explained and I nodded my head. "were suppose to wait for each other." She said.
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"Wait for each other?" I questioned.
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"Wait for each other sexually..." She trailed off, and now I understood what she was talking about. "it was getting pretty serious, and for a minute I actually saw myself with this guy" She hand motions. "I didn't think I'd love anyone else, ever." She admitted and I can't lie and say my jaw didn't clench at those words. "but then I met you and things changed." She said caressing my cheek with her hand and thumb.
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"So what is the problem?" I dared to question. "We're you afraid I'd be mad or something?"
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"No...but the thing is when I got the opportunity to go to college over seas, we never really ended things?" She said that questionably and I was angry.
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"Are you telling right now this second while I am with you, that in reality you are some other guys girlfriend?" The atmosphere had grown serious. "Don't you think this was something you should have told me when we first met?"
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"You weren't exactly approachable." She fired back. "Besides you have no right to tell me anything, when you were said to be head over heels in love with girl who ended up breaking your heart in the end, which you've never even bother telling me about. You get you give." She defended.
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I close my eyes for a slight second and take a deep breath then letting it out, she was right. "When's the last time you had any contact with him? Is he going to be at the cookout Saturday is that why you're telling me all this?" I question
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"It was before the semester even started." She confesses.
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"Before the new years party?" I question.
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"Yes." She nods her head.
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"So to this day, he hopes that you come back to the states to be with him?" I questioned. "Sounds like a desperate loser." I chuckle.
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She rolls her eyes. "Weren't you trying to get into my pants like when I had first met you?" She fires.
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I raise my eyebrows surprised at her words. "No...I was actually trying to move you from harms way because some drunk asshole nearly knocked you to the ground that night." I defended. "Which resulted in you telling me to fuck off."
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"Ok, ok." She smiles shyly rolling her eyes in the process as she uses that an opportunity to climb onto my lap and straddle my thighs. "I wanted to tell you this because I feel it's something you deserve to know, and I want you to be on your best behavior that day." She says pressing her hands onto my chest.
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"He's going to be there?" I question.
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"I don't know my mom invited everyone she knew and when I mean everyone, I mean everyone." She says. "Anything can happen and I just need you be calm and collected, that day." She whispers.
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"You don't love him or anything right?" I run my hand down her back as I rest against the bedframe of the best.
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"Obviously not." She move her head sideways and pressing her lips against mine. "So if there's anything you'd like to tell me now it the time." She said. "Past lovers, secrets..." She ran her finger down my chest.
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Selena had given me the opportunity to explain to everything I had ever endured. I wanted to tell her many things but where to begin, was it the right time to tell her everything about Lucy and hit two bricks with one stone? Should I tell her about how serious Lucy and I were to the point we were going to have a child? Or just that Lucy was my first love and she kissed me before coming to the states, or that she simply kissed me? What I had to tell Selena was nothing compared to what she just told me, although on the serious side, but still anything I said and the way I said it would alter the course of our relationship forever.
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I cleared my throat. " Yeah uhm..." I moved my head sideways trying to find the right words. "I've been meaning to tell you this, uhm, so like before coming here..." I began and Selena had focused her attention on me completely. "I was actually visiting Jackie for something that I needed..." I semi-lied, because when would Jackie not ever stick her hands in the flames for me, as I would for her, I couldn't actually tell her I willing went to see Lucy to confront her about her sleeping with Chris and in the end I feel victim to her trap. "And Lucy just kissed me." I lifted my shoulders carelessly.
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Selena went from being attentive to my words to growing very serious that she even sat up straight, and pressed her hands on my chest. "What?" She said not believing what she was hearing. "What do you mean she kissed you?" She said pushing both strands of her loose hair behind her ear. "Zayn what are you talking about?"
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I lifted my shoulders, not really knowing what to truly tell her. "I don't know if she did it to get back at you as revenge or...what but I was completely caught off guard." I said. Part of this was true, I didn't know what Lucy intended with Lucy actually kissing me, did she do it to get back at her, or show that she held some power over me?
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"When was this?" She questioned. "Obviously before we left, but at what moment-..." She rambled on, I had never seen Selena so angry ever.
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"It was when I went to get some clothes from the frat for packing, then I stopped to pay Jacqueline a visit before leaving...and it happened." I told her.
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"I am going to kill her-...why didn't you tell me before getting here?" She exclaimed.
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"What was the point? What was the point of telling you this?" I admitted. "So you'd be shitty on a more than twelve hour plane ride here?" I justified.
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"I just hate it because she's never liked you, something I will never understand." She nodded her head sideways in disbelief. "Only for her to turn around do this shit to me?" She pinched the bridge or her nose. "I hate this...I hate this so much." She admitted. "A fucking hypocrite that she is." Selena said frustrated.
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"Hey, hey." I said pulling her hands from her face. "I need you to calm down, and take a deep breath because she is not here right now, and we don't have to let her ruin a good time you and I are having." I smiled at her and pressed my lips on her cheek.
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"Seems like the only crime I ever committed according to her is falling in love with you." Selena whispered as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "She'll hate me for that, forever it seems." She lifted her shoulders carelessly.
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"You don't need a friendship like that." I moved my head sideways. "I'd say you and Jackie had hit it off pretty well." I smile.
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"I had Jackie completely mistaken." Selena admitted.
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"I'm sure she's forgiven you." I laugh breathlessly.
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"Good cause I don't think I could handle another failed friendship at this point." Selena admitted. "Are you ever going to tell me how you and Jackie became each others partners in crime? She's practically your soulmate."
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"Ah, that's a story for another day." I said to her. "A pretty long one at that." I admitted. "And when I tell you, you can't even get mad because all of this happened a long time ago." I explain.
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"I can already imagine." She admitted.
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"You don't even know half of it." I laughed.
***
Selena and I lied in bed together as we got ready for bed, we had a big day ahead of us tomorrow and we needed to be at the convention center before noon, the ceremony lasted until early into the afternoon. We lied together under the sheets, as she rested her torso on top of mine and I held onto her gently. All lights were off and we just lied there in the solace of the moonlight and the sound of ocean waves outside. It for a second, as Selena then began to press her lips against my chest. "I love you." She said.
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"I love you too." I whispered back. "More than you'll ever know."
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"You can't say that when there was a girl you loved more than me, once upon a time." She brings up once again.
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"Love dies when you realize that the person you thought you loved isn't the person you thought they were." I explained as we lied there talking to each other in the pure moonlight darkness of the hotel room.
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"She must have hurt you pretty bad, because when you talk about her, your voice always holds some admiration for her but it follows such resentment." Selena said. "Like some yin yang stuff."
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"There's two sides to every person, and she played that game well." I explained. "The way she loved was toxic, one small dose of it and I was hooked."
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Lucy in the time that we were together, always managed to get what she wanted from people, and it didn't matter what she had to do to get it. Jackie and I almost had a falling out because of her. I didn't realized that the more I loved Lucy the more she had me wrapped around her finger, and the less I knew about myself and the less people wanted to be around me because of her.
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If it wasn't that Jackie was snapped me back into reality one day when I decide that it was better if Lucy and I should take a slight break because things between us were getting rocky. I don't think I would have ever woken up from the likeminded state she had me in. Lucy had found out that Jackie and I had slept together, a while after Lucy and I weren't together. Although Jackie gave me reality check, it wasn't enough for me for completely snap out of it, because I had her ingrained in my body, heart and soul, for a long time.
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"Get a fucking grip of reality, Zayn" I remember some of Jackie's words. "A love like they will consume you in every way possible, if you let it, I hardly recognize who you are anymore." She said. "Wake the fuck up please."
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Even then I wasn't thinking clearly, because while I juggled my relationship with Lucy, I still went home to a broken household with a deadbeat father. I guess I saw Lucy as my salvation then, in which I felt like only she could pull me out of my darkness and away from my father's chains of toxicity. While trying to remain good for her, in our relationship. Maybe sleeping with Jackie weeks after breaking up with Lucy wasn't the right thing to do, after all it was Jackie who had seen it all in my life and was the only one who understood me. Even though, we lived similar but very different situations, Lucy has never been able to let that go.
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"Why did you let it go on for that long?" Selena whispered.
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"I don't know." I admitted to her as I ran my fingers through her hair. "I was dealing with shit of my own at home that she became like my safe space, and not being able to tell the difference, I looked for it any way I could get it." I said. "I looked back at it now, and I can't believe I let it go on for that long, many things between us just weren't right." I explained.
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"I don't ever want us to feel like that" Selena whispered. "Our love shouldn't eat us apart, it should be healthy." She admitted. Selena sat up slightly and moved closer to me, where she took my jaw in her hands, and threw her thigh over mine. "We can't be like that." She whispered.
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"I can't picture myself without you." I admitted to her, caressing my face with my hand. Loosing Selena would be my greatest loss.
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"Sad thing is I can't either." She admitted in a whisper against my lips.
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"Why would it be sad?" I questioned.
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"Cause you'd be ripping my heart right along with it." She confesses, pressing her mouth against mine, molding her body against mine.
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We said nothing and just kissed one another intensively, she pulled her night gown, above her head and tossed it on the ground, and climbed on top of me, rocking her body against mine, as my mouth rain down her neck and I held her close to my frame. She tossed her head back and allowed access to her chest and I took her nipple into my mouth and she moaned.
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I grabbed her tightly and flipped us over, and I hover over her, pulled my briefs down and entered her. She gasped lightly and wrapped her arms around me as I began pounding into her over and over, as she moaned into the crook of my neck.  We moved against each other roughly, calling for each other's pleasure as she moaned into my mouth and I did so as well. Foreheads pressed against one another, looking for the light of moonlight in each other's eyes. We made love that night, over and over until we tired ourselves out.
***
Selena's Point of View