Story Status: [ on going + revising ]
In which a girl named Selena falls in love with a frat boy named Zayn who's life has been a downward spiral since the age of ten, finding no purpose in his life he smokes and drinks to cope, filling the void of...
A/N: Chapter not edited. - Stars Dance Chapter 56 - Selena's Point of View
FOR WHAT SEEMED like hours Zayn and Adam were in one of the conference rooms talking with their fathers. I knew sooner or later they were going to beat each other to the core, and honestly I thought it was going to be over me. Instead, I stood here with the girl they fought over and her name was Jackie. I sat on the other side of the hallway in the bench as Jackie paced back and forth in a nervous manner. - I questioned her choice of style today, not that it was any different because Jackie wore similar clothes like this but because I've never seen her in a plaid mini skirt with a white tied up blouse and a small black sweater. Her long jet black hair flowed as she pushed strands back with her fingertips through her head. While I still couldn't believe she was the girl Adam had fallen head over heels with. -
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I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. People really did mistake Jackie's true personality because when they see her all they see is her looks, but in the few days I had moved in with her she was different from what people made her out to be. If Adam has fallen in love with her, I saw why, and she must have shown him the kind and sweet side of her. - "Jackie you're going to drive yourself insane like this." I broke the silence that was dreading on her conscious. - "Oh Selena it's much more than that." She said, sitting down on the bench across from me, shaking her leg up and down rapidly. - Not knowing how to bring up the conversation about her and Adam, I just blankly did. "Adam had told me he had fallen in love with some girl, but I never thought that would be you." I admitted. - Her attention focused on me. "Is that so hard to believe?" She questions. - "No." I admit. "I know we're just beginning to get to know each other, and I know more about you than you let people know, so why don't you give Adam a chance?" I vouch for him. - She sulks back and crosses her leg over another leaning against the wall, crossing her hands over her chest. "Look at me Selena" she said. "I have nothing to offer him, who would want to date me anyway? My life is a fucking mess." She says. "He's way too good for me, and way out of my league." She admits. "I'm surprised you two didn't start dating first, way before you met Zayn-...I mean sorry I know the wound is still fresh." She says. - "It's ok." I brush past it. "Jackie you're beautiful, and smart, funny, outgoing, don't sell yourself short." I move my head side to side. "I'm sure his dad would love you." I smile. - "Oh he does, because he's Zayn's father." She says and I frown at her words. - "Wait what?" I question. - "Zayn and Adam are brothers" She bluntly says. "and I don't know if you noticed but I was trying to tell Zayn the truth right before he left to go in there, he must be raising hell in that conference room." She sighs. - "Are you kidding me right now?" I question. - Zayn and Adam brothers? Who would have thought? They were literally polar opposites and couldn't stand each other. Once upon a time, I had the two of them fighting over me. Come to find out they are siblings? This was surely news to me? Zayn did mention a family and a child, but I don't think he even knew that child was Adam. - She sighs. "I wish I was" She lifts her shoulders carelessly. "and Zayn almost killed me for having any contact with his father last time, if he knows I knew about this first? I won't hear the end of it." She covers her face pushing her hair back away from her face. - Jackie and I stood up simultaneously when we heard the sound of heavy steps coming our way, she and I focused on Adam and Zayn coming our way one behind the other a few steps apart. Jackie quickly ran to Zayn's aid and became a stuttering mess. "I want to tell you ok?" She exclaimed, and Zayn stopped on his tracks while Adam approached me with a smile. "B-but your father wouldn't let me-...that's why I didn't take the internship he offered me." She confessed. - Just as I was about to say something to Adam, the smile disappeared from his face as he turned around to face both Jackie and Zayn. "Is that why you kept putting me off every time I asked you why you wouldn't take up my dad's offer for the internship? How long are you going to be taking his side and caring about what he thinks? It's your life, Jaqueline?" Adam argues. "Also didn't you think it was important to mention that you've known my dad for a very long time... basically grew up around him?" - Zayn rolled his eyes, and didn't say anything to Jackie's explanation, while Jackie grew angry and his words. "I've known your dad for a very long time, but from the moment I walked into that office I knew I didn't even have to work for the position because he was more than willing to give it to me." Jackie defended herself. "We didn't even talk about the stupid internship that day, all we talked about was how I was going to look at you and Zayn in the face after finding out!" She exclaimed. "He told me not to say a word that he would figure out a way to tell the both of you, but I didn't think it would it be this way, and the secret was weighing on me like a pile of bricks, did you even consider my thoughts and feelings right there and then while talking to your dad?" Jackie exclaimed. - "I see the attraction." Zayn chuckled, looking at both Adam and Jackie. "The brother thing" He says as he glances at Adam. "isn't even important right now, more like when the hell you were going to tell me, you two had a thing going on?" He points at both of them. "You do realize I beat his ass for literally no reason? When all you could've done was tell me the truth." He explains to Jackie. - "She doesn't have to tell you a thing, stop trying to control every aspect of her life." Adam defended. - "First of all, you don't know the kind of friendship Jackie and I have, I don't fucking care if you're in love with her or whatever, but if you even touch an inch of her hair on her head, I will kill you." Zayn threatened. - Adam rolls his eyes. "I didn't tell you because I just-...I didn't know how you'd take it." Jackie admitted to Zayn. "You can't stand him for one, and he was after Selena for a long time, plus I don't even think I deserve-..." Jackie just rambled on. - "Listen I don't care, and I have never cared who you've dated." Zayn says opposing her thoughts. "If someone's hurting you, tell me Jacqueline, I hate when you keep shit from me...you know that." Zayn says annoyed. "You have and keep doing it since my relationship with Lucy-..." Zayn is quickly to back track on his words. - His eyes catch mine, and I look away focusing on the ground. I would be lying if I said that didn't sting a little, it was obvious Jackie know about the whole Zayn and Lucy things. I didn't expect her to tell me anything, because it wasn't her business to tell in the first place. - "However, compared to the guys you've dated. Even if I can't stand him, he is an upgrade." Zayn admitted. - "So you're not mad or anything?" Jackie says with widen eyes. - "I'm mad you didn't tell me, but if you like him or whatever" he scratches the back of his neck. "I guess." He says awkwardly. "Come to find out he's related to me so it's not that could've avoided him or anything." Zayn rolls his eyes. - "So you don't care that we're brothers?" Adam questioned Zayn. - Zayn sighs. "Quite frankly I'm not fazed by anything James Malik doesn't anymore." He lifts his shoulders carelessly. "Just don't go around tell everyone you're siblings, I will kill you." Zayn threatens. - "Not even in my wildest dreams." Adam says with a smile. - "Don't expect to reciprocate brotherly feelings either." Zayn admits, and Adam only laughs. - The atmosphere begins to ease between the four of us, even though that between Zayn and I there was tension and lots of unspoken thoughts and feelings for five days straight. I am completely caught off guard and Zayn cringes when Jackie throws herself against Adam catching him by surprise, and she pressed her mouth against his. - He wraps his arms around her waist and molds his mouth into hers. A small smile appears on my face, at least some of us are happier than others. "Get a room." Zayn says annoyingly. Jackie rolls her eyes and chuckles. "Speaking of father dearest." He sighs annoyingly. - We turn our attention down the hall, where Zayn's and who I now come to know as Adam's father as well appears making his way towards us. I was honestly surprised, that he was was both of their fathers. All that Zayn had told me was only the bad memories he had about him, while Adam had a totally completely different perspective of him, that bewildered me. - "Zayn...Adam" He took a deep breath and cleared his throat as he was getting ready to say something. - "So?" Zayn questioned. "Were you able to work you're magic?" Zayn mocked. "I'm expelled aren't I?" He tried reading the mans thoughts. - My hear ached a bit, I would be lying if I said it wouldn't hurt me in the slightest if Zayn got suspended. I didn't want him to go. "You both are not expelled." He said looking at both Zayn and Adam. "Please, don't let this repeat itself." He begged. "I can only do so much." He confessed. "I understand both of your feelings towards me right now, and whenever you would like to talk to me, individually or together. I am all ears." The man says. "Jaqueline please take the internship, and Selena please consider." He said turning his attention towards me. - Jackie nodded and smiled. "Thank you for even considering me." I said with a slight nod and a smile. *** The next morning, I woke up to an early bird Jackie who walked around the dorm room with a laundry basket collecting her clothes to wash. "Good morning." She smiles. - "Good morning." I say in a groggy voice. "You look really happy today." I notice. - "Honestly, I am." She admits setting the basket down and sitting beside me on the bed. She takes a deep breath. "It's good not feeling this pressure on me all the time." She admits. - "Why do you bare it?" I genuinely question. - She lifts her shoulders carelessly. "I don't know, I guess I just like helping people. I've lived a very complicated life for a twenty one year old." She confesses. "Zayn's approval of Adam means a lot to me because he's all the family I have." Jackie admits. - "Well I'm happy for you and Adam." I said with a smile. "If anything you two deserve it." I confess. - She smiles. "I know it's none of my business, with what's going on with you and Zayn but if you get the chance to talk to him, hear him out." She suggests. "I know this whole situation with you, Zayn, and that witch of a bitch Lucy" she rolls her eyes and I chuckle. "is really messy, but what you saw that day in his dorm room, I promise you it is not how it went down." She moves her head side to side. - "You knew all along didn't you?" I bluntly state, hoping she could provide some kind of truth for me. "That Zayn and Lucy were ex-boyfriend and girlfriend and I stood there like the idiot in between." - "Selena, Lucy is not that nice sweet girl everyone thinks she is." Jackie confesses. - "Well I know that now." I tell her. - "No, I literally mean, before you even came into the picture" She explains. "Trust me when I say she literally the devil in disguise and she is not a good person and sees everyone below her." She explains. "I talk from experience." Jackie admits. I nod my head and say nothing else. "I'm going to wash clothes, is there anything you would like me to take?" She says taking the laundry basket in her grasp once again. - "No Jackie really don't bother, I will do it when I get the chance-..." I excuse inconvenience. - "No really it's ok." She says. "It's not a bother, besides I don't mind, and no way is there a reason for two trips when it can be avoided." She rolls her eyes. - I get up from the bed and I reach for the plastic bag with a small pile of my clothes in it and toss it into the basket. "Thanks." I smile. - "You're welcome, I'll be back soon ok?" She says, and makes her way out of the dorm room, closing the door behind her. - Silence over comes the room, and I lay back onto the bed, as I think about what to do today. While I do enjoy Adam's company I was less likely to hang out with him now that he and Jackie were a couple now, and I am sure they would want to make up for lost time. I didn't want to intrude, plus who was I to take away the attention from them? Who would want to hang out with a girl who's heart was broken by some guy who just lied to her the whole relationship? Who couldn't have the decency to tell her the whole truth? - I guess that was was partially my fault for not pressuring Zayn into telling me anything else about his love life. I was stupid to think and center myself around the idea that I was his one and only. He obviously had past relationships and the whole topic was never talked about properly. I didn't want to pressure the conversations between him either, because I just hoped Zayn would open up to me and trust me enough with his personal things. - I was lucky to even get to know about his father and his family situation but, I just wanted zayn to confide in me more that he would just admit his past relationships to me. I thought he and I had enough trust between the two of us to be able to do that. Instead he and Lucy knew every aspect of each other enough to see each other face to face everyday and act like nothing ever happened between them. - The worst part about it was they even denied it once in front of my face, in the photography room. Was it crazy to love him the way I still did though? Was it insane to just want to forgive him and move on? After all, he denied all contact with Lucy and according to Jackie that morning at the frat house was just a mistake. Should I believe Zayn when he said he was in love with me from the moment I walked into that frat house of New Year's Day? What if he was lying? Lucy was beside me after all. - There was much more history between Zayn and Lucy than there was between Zayn and I. I knew there was always going to be that small ignited flame between the two of them. Maybe not through Zayn's behalf but the way Lucy insisted of getting through Zayn's eyes, I am sure there was some small flame that still fumed for him somewhere within her. I guess that's why she told me many many times to stay away from him, because she truly never got over him. - Had he gotten over her completely? Did he really love me like he said he did? If he didn't love her anymore why look for her behind my back? I couldn't tolerate lies, I hated them. I rather just be told the truth no matter how much it hurts. My thoughts just veered off and thought about how when he was with me, he was probably with her and who knows what they could've done behind my back. The thought of it disgusted me. He was never really mine, physically maybe, but mentally and emotionally he was still attached to her. - There was a knock at the door, and I immediately sat up on the bed. I say there frozen, not knowing what to say or do.The same knock was heard again and I got up and quickly but quietly made my way towards the door. "Selena I know you're in there." It was Zayn. "Can we talk? Please." He said. - I swallowed the lump of bundled nerves in my throat, not knowing how to respond to him. "I-..I don't want to talk to you." I whispered against the door. - "It's been five days." He says. "I miss you, so fucking much." He admits. "Please." - "Zayn I cant." My voice grew shaky. "You hurt me and I and can't forgive you." I said through the door. - "Selena this isn't easy for me to talk about." He says. "It never was." He confesses. "Anything that has to do with her isn't easy to talk about because she took advantage of the nice and naive guy I was. I am willing to try with you baby, I can't loose you, not you." He says. - "I'm sorry I just-....I can't." I said trying to hold back tears. "I feel so stupid, Zayn I cried for you the first few days none stop." I confess. "If you weren't willing to trust me then why did you lead me on to think you could make it work? I deserve to be happy even if it's not with you." I tell him. "Because I've done nothing to you, I was the victim here." - My last few statements anger him. "Selena open this door." He says forcing his weight on the door a bit. - "You don't deserve me, you never did." I say to him ignoring is plea. - "Selena please open this door." He begged. "I will knock it down, you know I will." He voice is desperate. - I debate it in the few seconds that I have, I don't want to put Jackie in a compromising situation. Zayn is very capable of it, that is not a lie. I take a deep breath, and I open the door. I take several steps back with my hands crossed over my chest, it didn't help that I was in my pajamas or that my hair was in a messy bun. He closed the door behind him, and I couldn't even look up at him. - He approached me suddenly but I backed away quickly. "Don't." I said suddenly. - "Selena if you want me to explain my whole entire life to you, I will if it means you'll take me take me back." He said. - "It's not about that Zayn" I nodded my head side to side. "it's about the fact that, you never trusted me with something like this, I told you everything about me, I took you to meet my mother for fucking sakes! You even met the guy I was supposedly going to get very serious with!" I exclaim. "You took my virginity!" I add. "Don't you think we were at that point close with each other that you could've told me who she was? I would have understood!" - "I couldn't say anything to you, while you were friends with her." He explains his reasons. "Anything I would have said she would've twisted it to fit her narrative, she was already feeding you bullshit about me from the first day she knew you and I were talking." He recalls. "None of it was ever rumors, no one gives a shit about me, everything said was all from her mouth! Her words, her thoughts, her feelings about me!" He exclaims. - I scoff. "What?...did you I think I was stupid?" I point at myself. "I should've known your sick obsession with wanting to be with me so bad because I was a virgin, was going to bring me nothing good!" I exclaimed. "That's all you thought of me as didn't you? Some stupid tally score!" - He sighed. "I didn't know what I thinking at first, I just knew I had to have you in that moment." He admits, not denying that fact. "I have loved you since the first day, you walking into the frat house of New Year's Day, when that stupid drunk idiot bumped into you and you told me to fuck off. When our skin touched something just clicked...but the feelings I felt for you to me were unexplainable, I hadn't felt like that in a very long time, I never thought I was going to fall in love again, but I did." He says. "I did and I fell so fucking hard." He says with desperation. - At this point hearing the words fall from his mouth the way they did just tugged at my heart because this is what I wanted to hear for a very long time, when we were at a place in our relationship that everything seemed alright. Now, hearing them too late I don't know what to believe, because he lied to me. - I cover my ears with my hands. "Shut up Zayn." I said, closing my eyes tightly shut trying to prevent tears falling from my eyes. "Just please...shut up." My voice grew small and shaky. - I felt a pair of hands wrap around my wrists and he took my hands away from my ears and forced me to listen to him. His face inches away from mine. "Whatever I felt for you had become something bigger for me, it wasn't about being with you for the thrill of it anymore, because I found myself just wanting you more, I thought about you obsessively, you invaded my thoughts at all times of the day. It was like I needed to see you, even if it was just for a second so I could get my high of the day." He said connecting his forehead against mine, while I kept my eyes tightly shut and he held onto my arms not allowing me to loosen myself from his grasp. - "Stop it, please stop it." I cried, tears rolling down my face. - He ignored my pleas and just continue his explanation "That essay that we did for literature and won the stupid prize for, it may not seemed like I took it serious, but I did. I very much did...I took advantage of the time we spent together working on it together. Just to look at you, be near you, watch you smile, I wanted to know what made you laugh, the way a little frown appeared in the middle of your forehead because of something stupid I said. The way your eyes widen when you listen to me attentively for details for your paper, the simplicity of your innocence. Here you were paired up with some fuck up who felt like he had nothing to loose, until you came along. From there on out I knew what I wanted...I wanted you." - "You lied to me." I whispered. "That is something I can't forgive." I moved my head side to side, loosening myself from his grasp, and hugging myself with my arms take a few steps away from me. "You can all these things, but they mean nothing if your actions don't reflect your words. You were in bed with her, you had loved her for a long time and she's someone who was very important to you, you have a long and complicated history with her. What we had is nothing compared to what you both had. While I just stood in the middle of it all." - "I don't know what happened that night ok? All I know is I woke next to her." He lifts his shoulders carelessly. "From the moment I woke up I thought of you." He confesses. "What you would think of me, how you would paint me as? Everything." He says. - "I don't believe you, because in the end you have never been able to get her out of your head, if you still looked for her at any given opportunity you thought it was necessary too." I defend. - "If I looked for her it was to warn her to stay away from you, and let me be happy." He says. - "Does she really have that much power over you, that you had to beg her to leave you alone?" I question. - "She-...did." He says. "I lived a life where I couldn't function without her because I thought she was only thing that could stop me from thinking of the mess that was my life then." He confesses. "Selena but I can't function without you, I love you more than my own damn life." He admits. "You're everything to me, and I know I don't deserve you but let me make this right please." He begged. - "You don't fucking deserve it and you know it." I refuse to let this go on. "I will move on Zayn and I will be happy, because I know my worth and how much better I deserve, I've did nothing to you and you used me like some sick after thought to cope with the fact that I am everything you wanted her to be for you but wasn't!" I exclaim. - He clenched his jaw at my words. "I don't fucking care if we're not together, I will be damned first before I let any other man lay one finger on you." He warns me. - "You don't own me." I oppose. "I can do whatever I want, with whoever I want." I defend. - He said nothing and grabbed me by my waist pulling me close to him as my hands went into fist and pressed on his chests he grabbed the back of my neck with on hand and pressed his forehead against mine. It had been days since I felt his skin touch mine and I felt like the very first time I had felt something for him, acknowledging to myself that I was in love with him. I gasped at the sudden contact. - "Your body and soul are ingrained so deeply that telling me this right now is only killing me." He whispers. - "Good I hope you die." I challenge. - "You don't mean that." He nods his head side to side. "You're hurt" He reads my thoughts."I know you think of me like I think of you every damn day." He whispers. "You've not giving me a fair chance here." - "Like you did?" I question. "Let go of me." I tried to squirm out of his grasp. - "You don't have a fucking choice Selena." He said, turning me around and pulling me against his torso as his head sits at the crook of my neck while his whispers sweet nothing's in my ear. "We're made for each other. I couldn't stand the thought of you with anyone else." He said. "I'd go mad." He says. "Thinking someone touched you the way I do." He emphasized. - "Did." I remind him. "You're not touching me ever again." I loosen myself from his touch. - "I can take you hating me, hitting me, do what you need to do." He said in a rough tone, holding both of wrists in his hands. "because I know I deserve it, but we can work this out, there is no one else for me. You're it." He says. "I can't function without you." He admits. "I fall apart without you, I will do whatever it takes, baby." He whispers. - I loosen myself from his grasp. "You should've thought of that before, you did what you did." I tell him. "I can tolerate anything, but not liars." I admit. "Tell me the truth, even if it hurts, and you didn't." I explain. "I guess we never knew each other after all, forget you ever knew me." I tell him. "That you ever even loved me, if any of it was true." I try to force myself not to cry. ***
