𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 «Zaylena»

59 ; Revised

A/N: Sorry I took so long, I had major writers block.
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Stars Dance
Chapter 59
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Zayn's Point of View

SELENA LOOKED AT me in a pout as I stood in front of her with the glass of bourbon in my hand, setting it down on the vanity. She sighed and fell back onto the bed. I tossed her heels to the side and I began changing out of my own clothes into night wear I left behind before going back to the door. Selena sat up on the bed. "I can't drink, I can't dance with other guys...what can I do?" She said voice laced with alcohol. I didn't really answer question. "I wonder what would have happened if I let him kiss me?" She tempts.
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"You know exactly what you're doing, stop it." I said to her.
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"I don't even knoww why you're so mad, you're-...we're not even together." She shrugs her shoulders. "Why bring me here? This place just-...brings me memories of which I like to forget." She says pushing her hair out of her face. "None of it was real, our love wasn't real." She says in a whisper.
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I can't help but feel for her because as much as she wants to deny it, I would like to think it was. "Don't say that."
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"Why? It's true isn't it?" She grows angry. "You lied straight to my face for months!" She exclaims. "Y-you never loved me...when you slept with me you thought of her, you sick-..." She stands up going after my torso and hitting me with her fists. "I hate you-...I hate you so much." She cried.
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I held her tightly to my frame, trying to calm her down not really saying anything but cooing in her ear trying to ease her emotions. She was a mess tonight and her intoxication didn't help her either. "Selena please..." I whispered.
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She pushes me away, with tear stained cheeks she walks over to the vanity and behind throwing at me whatever she can get ahold with her hands. I dodging things, I quickly rush over to her stopping her from throwing anything else at my head, accidentally pushing her close to the vanity itself, she breaks down crying. It pained me to see her like this because maybe my plan of giving her space isn't want she wanted. I see that now.
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"Get off of me!" She exclaims.
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"I need you to calm down first." I said to her grabbing her by the arms trying to get a grip of her so she collects herself from the emotional breakdown she was having.
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"Why did you stop trying?" She questions. "Why did you grow distant? Do you not love me anymore? You're back with her aren't you?" She threw question after question. "I thought you were going to fight for me...for us." She cried. "It's like you're not even trying." She moves her head side to side.
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"I thought space might be what you wanted?" I answer her back with a question. "I thought maybe if I just respected your thoughts and space... you'd come back to me." I whispered pressing my forehead against hers.
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"No, no, no." She said back. "I wanted you to fight for me,look for me even though I would tell you to stay away." She confesses. "I wanted you..." She whispered. "I tried forgetting about you tonight but you're all I think about at every given moment of my day, I couldn't even fucking focus in class the other day." She admits, wiping her tears from her face. "Just-...I knew you were looking at me." She lifted her shoulders.
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"You're all I think about too." I admitted to her. "No one else." I confessed. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry I didn't tell you anything about-..." I begin and she shuts me up with a finger against my lips.
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"Not tonight." She says, my eyes glance at her mouth for a slight second and before I knew it she attached her lips to mine in hunger. Wrapping her arms around my neck, and pulling me close to her body.
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"Selena I don't think we should....not while you're-..." I opposed I couldn't take advantage of her like this. It would be fair what if she regretted it by morning? "Like this." I finished saying.
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"I don't care." She said. "I want you, I want you tonight even if by morning I regret it." She admitted.
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"It's not right." I pulled away.
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"It's been far too long since I felt your skin against mine, I want this." She said pulling me by my arm. "I need this." Her voice laced with desperation. "I need you." She whispered attaching her lips against mine.
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She grabbed my length and spit in her hand before grabbing me once more and moving her hand up and down repeatedly. It only took me seconds, when my eyes connected with hers to begin moaning at her dismay. I was all hers tonight, I grabbed her legs and wrapped them around me carrying her to the bed. I lied her down, pulling up the dress over her head and tossing it to the ground.
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She hurried and unclasped her bra tossing it on the floor as well exposing herself to me. The only thing left we're her panties, and I leaned down, and pushed them aside, connecting my mouth with her sex, causing her to moan loudly. I spread her legs wide and held them in place as my tongue bounced off her clit repeatedly and she squirmed under my touch. "Kiss it please kiss it." She whined, desperately but I didn't think she cared. I kissed her sex repeatedly before I continued with my sinister tongue flicking it against her numb over and over causing her to arch her back and grip the bedsheets in her hands. She'd come in a matter of seconds, and I was ready to buried inside of her.
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I didn't care who heard us tonight, she wanted this as badly as I did. "Come here please, come here." She said in desperation. I hovered over her and she wrapped her arms around my neck pressing her mouth against mine, as I fully adjusted us onto the bed
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Pressing her forehead against mine, I slammed into her and she arched her back biting into my shoulder, and the pain felt amazing, she clung onto me with need to keep me close as I pounded into her over and over, while whispering the things she loved to hear most in her ear, nearly sending her over the edge. "I love you so fucking much." She breathlessly said into my mouth.
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"I love you." I said to her as I laid beside her and pulled her back against my torso, hands intertwined with each other's as my head rested into the crook of her neck and I fucked into her sideways.
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She tossed her head back in pure bliss, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me as I pounded into her repeatedly, creating a moaning mess out of her. She arched her back but I held her close to me, our sex tonight was rough and passionate. "Talk to me like you used to." She says breathlessly. "Please." She begged. "I wanna hear you." She added.
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I didn't like how she said used too it had only been a few days, and she was already talking like we were some reunited lovers. However, I was going to take anything I could from her tonight in which she allowed me, because I know that by tomorrow morning she would regret this.
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She took charge and pushed me back onto the bed and quickly got on top of me. She was quick to lower herself onto me and toss her head back at the feeling. Rocking her hips back and forth slowly, she looked so fucking good in the dark abyss of the room, with her frame being the only thing visible. She lowered her head, and pressed her mouth against my mouth and I grabbed her by the back of her neck to keep her in place as I pounded into her.
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Unable to say anything she moaned breathlessly, into my mouth as our foreheads connected with one another. "You feel so good around me baby." I said into her mouth and quickly switched so she was under me. "You like this don't you?" I cooed into her ear, and she nodded her head.
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"Please don't stop." She whispered and wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me closer to her frame.
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"Tell me I'm the only one." I demanded. I was selfish to ask for it, but I needed reassurance that it was only me, after seeing her tonight with that guy at the club. I needed to know that even at the end of the night, I was still the only man that lingered in her mind. "Who's ever touched you, please tell me." I sounded desperate as I sucked on he neck. She moaned and nodded her head up and down. "Say it. I want to hear you say it." I pleaded.
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"It's always been you...no one else." She says breathlessly.
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I wrapped my hand around her throat and she smirked, bringing her hand over mine. "Good, cause I am the only one, do you understand?" I said pounding into her as she arched her back. "The only one" I repeated and she nodded her head. "who will ever have you like this."
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I leaned down the press myself on hers and she kissed back just as hungrily as I did. Wrapping her hands around my neck and clinging onto me and I felt her tighten around me, she was close. "I...oh my god" She whimpers.
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"Come baby, come all over my cock." I said in her ear and that sent her over the edge. She arched her back, holding onto her high for as long as she could and I cane as well. "That's it, good girl." I praised.
***
The next morning I woke up with Selena's body entangled with mine. She was sound asleep beside me, nose under the sheets, as her hair was sprawled against the bed pillow. I knew I wasn't safe, and she was going to wake up, in a panicked mess, wondering what happened last night, she was pretty drunk last night.
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I hoped she woke up normally, maybe having some recollection of what unfolding last night? However, I was in dreamland if I think that was even possible. I the most quiet way possible I got out of bed, and ran a quick shower hoping she'd still be asleep even after I got out.
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Once taking my quickly shower, I stepped out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around me, and I walked out the bathroom and Selena was squirming in her sleep, stretching her limbs as I stood by the dresser trying to find some spare clothes anywhere I could, after leaving the flat only a few days ago. I notice a quick movement through the vanity and turned around to look at Selena who sat up confused looking around the room with the bedsheet tightly around her body before focusing her attention on me and her eyes widen.
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She didn't say anything and instead sighed, and palmed her forehead. I hurried to the kitchen to grab a glass of orange juice and a painkiller before rushing back to the room, and sitting down at the edge of the bed, trying to motion the glass of OJ and painkiller in my hands to her.
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"Thanks." She whispered taking the painkiller and popping into her mouth before taking a sip of OJ. To my surprise she was rather calm for the what happened between us last night. I didn't want to say anything to her, and waited for her to speak up first. She looked around the room of the mess of glass decanters everywhere and half empty bottles. "Why is this place such a mess?" She whispered.
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I cleared my throat not knowing where to even begin. "Uhm, when you left...I just-...I-..." I began stumbling on my words. "drank and drank and drank until I couldn't remember-..."
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"Me." She said for me.
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"Selena I-...I didn't know what else to do." I confessed to her.
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"So this was you're only solution?" She questioned.
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"You left me." I defended.
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"You fucking lied to me." She fired back.
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I nodded my head slightly. "We're not going to talk about what happened last night?" I whispered.
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"We fucked." She said bluntly lifting her shoulders carelessly. "What about it?"
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"Did that mean anything to you?" I question.
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She chuckled standing up from the bed with the bedsheet around her pacing around the room looking for her clothes and beginning to put them on. "Zayn I was drunk." She said.
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"Selena what is funny about this?" I question in confusion, I would have rather her lash out at me in angry and her she was treating this as some one night fling.
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"I'm not going to stand here and give you to the satisfaction knowing that I was drunk and you still managed to get me into your bed." She points. "I'll acknowledge that myself." She said. "Rather it be you than some random guy at the club, because then I wouldn't hear the end of it from you." She admits.
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"Last night was more for me than you think." I make it be known. "It wasn't just some one night thing for me, Selena I love you." She rolls her eyes and that angers me. "You think this was some fucking joke? That's not what you were saying last night!" I exclaimed.
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"How do you expect me to forgive you when you lied to me repeatedly over and over our whole relationship!?" She exclaims back. "You hurt me...I can't forgive you!"
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Once dressed in the skin tight dress from last night, she says nothing more and walks out of the room, with her purse in hand. She's leaving. I took a deep breath and I chased after her, I have been without her far too long, letting her go would be pure stupidly of my part at this point. This is what she wanted, even though sober she would never admit it fully.
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I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back to face me. "Zayn let go." She said trying to loosen herself from my grasp. "Seriously...let go." She said, I grasped the said of her arms, and managed to get her attention focused on me.
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"I don't know what else to do I'm desperate here." I admitted to her.
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She rolled her eyes and sighed. "You can start by leaving me alone." She said defensively pushing past me and towards the door.
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I pulled on her arm. "You don't want that, deep down I know you don't want that." I opposed. "How long are going to keep torturing me? With this cat and mouse game?" I said.
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She scoffs. "Are you serious right now? I'm trying to move on with my life and here you are-..."
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"You wouldn't have come home with me if you were!"
I argue back.
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"Well maybe if you hadn't shown up at the fucking club I could've been in someone else's bed right now!" She exclaimed and my eyes widen.
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"You don't mean that." I moved my head side to side. I grabbed her other arm and lightly kept her in place. "You're saying that to hurt me because you don't know how else to get me back the same way I hurt you." I read her like a book. "You know your only way of hurting me is sleeping with someone else."
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"Well I hope it hurts even in the slightest bit, because it is nothing compared to what you did to me." She argues. "Every time I'm not in your sight, the upmost worst thoughts just cross through your head of someone else...that's not you in between my legs. Taking me..." She exclaims. Clench my jaw, as she turns her way towards the door and begins walking towards it. "Because you're right, I can't bring myself to do that...because I'm not you." She says trying to hold back her tears. "Zayn, you took a clueless girl and introduced her to your world, molded her into someone who wants to be attached to you all damn day, who just wants to be with you despite everything...but that's my fucking heart talking because when it comes to my head I just-...I can't." She nods her head side to side.
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I hurry and reach for her arm and turn her back around to face me and tears stream down her cheek, as she reaches up to wipe them. "Then lets meet in the middle, help each other together, please Selena." I beg.
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"I don't know...I don't-..." She objects nodding her head side to side. "You even consider my feelings once? Through this whole thing, and the mess you created?"
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I sigh. "I'm not the only one at fault here, Lucy is not the fucking angel you think she is, she's the goddamn devil and if I didn't tell you was because Lucy would've just molded together some fucking lie to justify herself." I exclaim.
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"I know, Zayn I know." Selena argues. "But you were my boyfriend and I trusted you." She pointed out. "Yet you fucking sat back as you watched how fucking ridiculous this whole thing was becoming." She argues.
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I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Then come with me." I blurt.
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"What?" She questions.
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"Come with me this Bradford for a few days, meet my mum, my sisters...just come with me away from here, where it can just be you and I." I explained and she eyes me weirdly. "You've said I've kept you out of my life and I don't let you in...but now I am so please come with me." I argued.
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She lifts her shoulders. "How is that suppose to change anything between you and I-..." She begins.
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"Please don't overthink it, just please come with me. Please." I beg her once against but she says nothing. "Selena please." I say once again.
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Selena's Point of View

That afternoon I sat, back at Jackie and I'd form, on my bed just thinking in an empty room. Jackie was nowhere to be found so I assumed that she had spent the night with Adam. While I sat here alone to my own thoughts, thinking about Zayn's proposal to with him to Bradford. I was decisive about lots of things from the start but decisive about this.
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What did he hope to gain out of this trip with me to Bradford? That I just forgive him based on everything his mom and sister's tell me? Of course he would be painted as some sort of angel in their eyes, but here he was the devil himself to me in my eyes. If I were to go with him, what would I be getting myself into? I would be exposed to the truth about his hardship life, and I was afraid that if I did forgive him, he would break me completely in two again. More than I already was.
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Once I lied in my bed just staring out the window, at the campus bodies walking across the campus going where they needed to be. I took in a deep breath, and picked up my phone. "Hello...Selena?" I had dialed Zayn's number.
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"Hey..." I trailed off not knowing what to say, I didn't think I would find myself dialing his number but here I was.
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"What's wrong are you alright?" He questioned sounding concerned of my arrival back to the dorm.
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"No...I'm yes, I'm fine." I quickly corrected myself. "It's just that...I called-..." I stumbled on my words before taking a deep breath and beginning again. It didn't matter if Zayn was mine or not he still found away to make me loose any train or thought. He always had even in the beginning even though I could never admit to him. "I called to let you know that I'll go with you." I said to him. I cleared my throat. "I'll go with you to Bradford."
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"You will?" He sounded excited.
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"Yes." I said with a slight smile. "But no funny business, I mean it Zayn." I sent boundaries, we couldn't have repeats of yesterday night. "This is all strictly friendly." I said sounded weirded out by the word myself.
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"Friendly?" He chuckled.
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"Yes, friendly." I confirmed.
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It's like I could imagine the smirk appearing on his lips through the phone line. "Well I'm sure my mum and sister's are gonna love to get to know my good friend." He joked.
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"Alright Zayn." I rolled my eyes. "Just spear me details later, alright?" I tell him. "I've got to go..study." I semi-lied and clicked the red icon, on the touch screen phone.
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I palmed my face and took a deep breath, just sitting there on my bed and looking around. Thinking to myself if I knew what I was getting myself into this time? The first time, I was naive and gullible thinking that getting involved and falling in love with a guy like zayn was going to be all roses and rainbows, I wasn't thinking the consequences clearly. Why did I think his past wouldn't follow me into our relationship?
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I wanted to believe that all this decision making was my head talking, but if it was my head deciding for me I would have moved on from Zayn a long time ago. I would have erased him from my life and my heart a long time ago. However, I knew this was all my heart deciding for me. I agreed to going with him because I haven't moved on from him, Zayn was ingrained into my body and soul like no other before him. I was only hurting myself with all of this.
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I could sit here and say I wanted Zayn out of my life for good but I would be lying to myself. The same way I could say I didn't love him anymore, because I knew that wasn't the truth. He was an unhealthy addiction and with one touch of his on my skin ignited me once again and like a magnet, my body just wanted his. He clouded my thoughts at all hours of the day, and I missed him more than when he was with me, because then I thought I had him, and was entirely mine. When in reality he was clouded by the thoughts of another woman.
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I accepted his proposal because maybe I just wanted to forgive him and move and put this past us, maybe I was too trustful in the fact that he would never do something like this again to me, and maybe he did truly fall in love with me from the first night we looked into each other's eyes. I had developed feelings for him overtime during the course of our essay project for literature, while he was already deeply and utterly in love with me. Like he confessed in the act of desperation of his fear of loosing me.
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I accepted his proposal maybe because I wouldn't find another one like him, another one who would go great lengths to protect my heart and keep me happy at all costs. I don't think his lack of communication about the topic between him and ex lover was something he wanted to keep from me because he considered those to be the worst times of his life.
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Or maybe I had accepted his proposal because truly in the end I was crazy, crazy in love with him and even though he had shattered my heart in a thousand pieces, my heart doesn't know anyone else but him. It will never respond to  someone else the way it does when he looks at me, smiles at me, or even touches me the way he does. Have I gone mad? I probably have, because I giving more of myself than I was receiving. Put my heart on the line once again, for a guy who had more darkness in him than any light he had seen in his life.
***