^big ol mood. 😴
"how was your day?" johnny asked. it had been a long day at work, and we usually spent the night talking after we'd spent hours apart. we were sitting on the couch separately, watching a movie. my head leaned against his shoulder.
"it was okay, i wanted to be with you though." i cuddled into him needing warmth, i also pulled the blanket up closer over me.
"i know i missed you my baby."
"i missed you too." the movie was potentially just background noise, we both weren't paying attention to it.
"how was your day?" i asked, genuinely wanting to know, being that something happened everyday.
"i met with my vocal coach, at her office." i shook my head, and his arm was thrown around my shoulders. he looked down at me, as i got comfortable with him.
"there was another girl there, that she coaches too." he hesitated.
"mhm." i hummed so that he would continue.
"she tried coming on to me. asking if i had a girl, and if i thought she was cute. she was grabbing my arm, things that you do." my eyes could've bulged out of my head but i remained calm.
"then what."
"my vocal coach escorted me out because i was arguing with her. she told me that i should find another coach because she not helping me anymore. when i argued i yelled at her and said that i have a fucking girlfriend. then i said she's the most beautiful thing, and i pushed her off of me." his index and pointer finger when up to his nose, and he shook his head in disgust.
"i don't believe in hitting women, or even raising a hand to them, a man can only take so much babe. she was annoying me the whole time. i hope i can find another coach to because she's been my coach since i was thirteen." he mumbled lowly. i could tell he had regrets, but he did that for me. he's risking his own singing career for me.
"i know you don't believe in that babe. things can get to a point that they're to much, it just pushes you off of the edge until you can't take it anymore. singing is your life babe, i'm going to help you find another coach." he slouched back into the couch, and placed his head on top of mine. his long finger lifted my chin up to face him.
"no angel, do you know why i did that?" he paused and answered his own question." not because singing is my life but because you are. spending all the time with you is worth more than spending hours on end to get my voice the way i want it." my heart beat quickened, and butterflies panned into my stomach. i didn't know what to say, i froze for a fast second.
"i want to spend time together too but i want you to put your career before me." i turned away. why the fuck are you dealing out so much, get it together y/n.
"hey look at me." he did the same gesture earlier, just more intense. his large hands gripped my waist, pulling me into his lap, and pausing the movie.
"never would i put anything before you y/n. i love you." he's told me that he loves me multiple times, and i don't know how to respond. my mind and heart just can't contain it. i freak out every time he tells me or every time i think he's about. this would be one of those moments. the three words, i love you, just don't process. why do i have to have such a thick skull. shit. those eight letters again what do i do. you know you love him so just say it.
"not this again. all i said was i love you." he buried his head in his hands, with me sitting still sitting now uncomfortably in his lap, blankets piled over us. just spit it out, damn. you're fucking breaking him. say it now.
"all i'm doing is speaking my mind. what is so hard that you can't say that you love me back. do you not want to be with me anymore?" he looked at my face puzzled, mine showed no emotion because i was stuck in my thoughts. i want to be able to tell him i love him, why the fuck can't i do it. like he said it isn't that hard. spit the damn words out. he grabbed my hand and stroked it, staring at me harshly.
"no it's not like that i love being with you." i replied frantically.
"you know me the best out of anyone i've ever known. you've seen me at my worst, seen me hurt, but you never judged me. that's why i love you, and the fact that you can't say it back to be i don't know where i went wrong. i've been hurt so many times that i don't trust. the one person that i do trust is you, my love." his voice cracked. i began to hate myself, i couldn't say the simple words and tell him how much he meant to me. why the fuck can't you. you're making him think that you don't care about him, when you think the literal world of him. just tell him. tell him!
"you're mine and no one else can have you. everything about you is mine from the lines on your pretty little hands to the strands of hair that are on your head. i want to know how you feel. i feel like i failed, you can't even tell me you love me." i kept talking and i listened to every word. when silence filled the air, i decided to speak up cutting in half with a knife.
"i love you. i love you so damn much. you're my forever, i could t see me with anyone else. johnny vincent orlando i love everything about you from your silly laugh, to you dark blond, almost brown hair, your emerald green eyes, that freckle that's under your lip to the ones on your chest. i love every last fucking thing about you, and i'm not afraid to say it. i love you with my whole heart babe, i appreciate you." i felt like i rambled, but he watched me speak in awe. he enjoyed every second of it.
"you r-really said i..." he looked astonished that i finally spoke my mind and got the right letter off of my chest.
"yes i did." i pecked his cheek and he smiled from ear to ear.
i gotta go to sleep babies. if you have anything you want me to write about lmk in the comments or dm. i don't know what i'm going to update tm lmao.i appreciate of you that take the time out to read. i love you all so much.💘💓💗
