𝒋𝒗𝒐 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔࿐

✰ body.

✦ when body dysmorphia causes your
breaking point.

this hits very close to a place in my heart, because i've dealt with and still am dealing with something similar, but way worse and i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.✦
✵✵✵

who i saw looking back at me in the mirror was a stranger.

for the the most part of my life, my self image had been varying between both extremes. it was to exhausting to keep up with.

i can't ever think i'm above a ten, and then the next second think i'm the ugliest fucking human being on the face of this earth. it's toying with my brain, was too much. my minds fucking insane, because of it.

for the past month, i'd just brush it off and think it'd be gone the next day. it usually always does, but hasn't yet.

it gotten to a saddening point of me not being able to recognize myself in the mirror when i look in it. i'm done.

but no, i had to get ready to go to johnny's stupid friends party.

i turned to my left side and stared at my stomach in the mirror. my mind spewing every possible negative thing. fuck, you have to be negative when you live this life.

peered at my butt, my thighs. analyzing every last part of my body in the mirror. my mind listed hundreds of things wrong with me. and my mind was completely right. i spent 30 minutes observing myself in the mirror, i was still in my bra and underwear.

the bedroom door opened, and my head shot up.

johnny walked in and saw me, i'm guessing he was going to ask me something, but he saw me in my underpants smirked.

"your sexy." johnny said and smiled before he turned and closed the door behind him.

sexy.

how can a compliment as such make me feel worse about myself.

sexy.

i'm not even the slightest bit close to sexy.

i turned to the bed and looked at my clothes lying across it. a dress.

great, a nice black dress to show off my ugly legs.

i bought the dress back when i'd first started working. i've only worn it once, but somehow it's still johnny's favorite dress.

probably because it's tight. right and revealing. and sexy. i'm repulsed by now.

the idiotic thought of shoving my body into a tight dress makes my skin crawl. the thought of people seeing me in such a tight dress makes me gag. the thought of people having their own thoughts and opinions about me in this tight ass dress makes me want to die.