the walk home is no where near as long as it was hours prior to when i'd left. i was an emotionally unstable mess desperate to clear my mind. i end up back at the front door of our house, i don't even have a chance to plan what to say.
i unlock it and turn the handle, my face forming a wince as the wood creeks open. sousing bouncing off of the wall, taunting me.
i let the door close gently behind me exhaling a small sigh of relief at the darken hallway. no lights are on in any rooms. in a way it's, comforting.
i decide to call hayden, john knowing all and telling all things to him. i wanted to get him out of my head, but i couldn't. i just couldn't.
"where's johnny?" i asked through a drunken hiccup. not even giving a hi or what's up, getting straight to the point.
"make up your mind, do you want to talk to him or not?" i'm assuming john had already talked to him, being that he knew the whole situation.
"i can't hayden, i can't handle him right now." as much as i hated to say it me and hayden has grown closer over the amount of time john and i've been dating. he knows everything about me and is as much as best friend as he is to john as he is to me.
"what are you talking about?" he asked. i collapsed onto the bed, speaking into the phone.
"i can't speak to him, fuck , i can't even look at the guy."
"then why the hell do you want to see him?!" he exclaims in question. i stay completely silent, hearing his breathing on the other line.
"oh, god, no-"
"i need to see him."
"ending things isn't going to do any good for either of you, alright i know that you're kissed." he says carefully, knowing that i'm s ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. "not come on at least think it through."
"i have."
"are you angry at him?" he asks out of know where. smelling my breath wreaking of beer, yet i didn't feel as tipsy. it takes every being of my fiber not to lash out on him.
"what the hell do you think?"
"then i don't think you should speak to him, at least not tonight."
"why not?"
"you're drunk y/n, you might say things that you don't mean."
"or i might say things that need to be said." i shoot back. i hear the open sound of his mouth falling shut. "where is he, he's not home?"
"he's not over here."
"what do you me-"
"he went out."
"where did he go?"
"y/n, i think you should go to bed."
"don't do this, don't cover for him."
"i'm not covering for him." he calls out to me in the phone. "i'm trying to help you."
"by not telling me where he is?" i snap, hearing his unsteady breaths rumble.
"you'd rather not know, y/n. please just go to bed, i will talk to you about it in the morning."
"where did he go, hayden?" i try again my tone even sharper.
"look i think you should-"
"stop covering for him!"
"i'm not!"
"yes, you are!" my voice is way above a shout now, so loud and persistent. "why are you doing this?!"
"you're so fucking stubborn! i'm doing this for you!"
"you're not doing shit for me!"
he paused for a second, silence filling both ends.
"i'll find him myself if i have to." i tell hayden. my voice dripping with spite. i hear the sound of his jaw locking.
"don't leave that house again!" on my way to the door. for the smallest second i'm convinced he's given up, but we're still on the call. but then hayden's rough voice starts again. his simple words are what hurt me the most.
