"why won't kylie follow me back!" he shrilled from downstairs, making me drop my makeup brush that i was holding in my hand. now it's on the floor and i screwed up my concealer. i huffed into the bathroom mirror in front of me. not wanting to hear this shit again. didn't even know why i was doing my makeup because i still had to shower. i only did my makeup to get away from him, being that he'd been talking about it all day. i'm fucking tired of hearing about it.
"why doesn't she know i exist!" he squealed, ignored and continued to apply my concealer, somehow fixing the place i missed.
"i need kylie!" at this point i angrily slammed the makeup brush down on the makeup cabinet. pissing me the fuck off.
"fucking go be with her them damn." thinking i said it a little lower than what i did, but in reality i actually healed it out of anger. i finished my makeup and made my way down stairs.
walking past the living room where he sat, making my way to the kitchen table. finding my lap top and pulling up a chair, i started on the two page essay that was due later this week.
out of the corner of my eye, i see the wooden chair next to me pull out, and i continue what i'm doing.
"so are you just not going to talk to me?" i didn't respond as i kept my fingers moving along the keyboard. "do you think it's alright not to talk to me."
my right hand left the keyboard and rested on the granite table, the other searching things about nursing in the google task bar. fuck this damn paper.
i felt a hand lie on top of mine, immediately i pulled it away.
"babbyyy why won't you talk to meeee?" he whined turning his head in every direction that i looked. i refused to make i contact.
"because i'm so fucking tired of hearing about kylie, not a day has went by this week if you didn't say kylie this and kylie that. like god damn i might as well not be here!" i slammed my laptop down, and pushed it to the side and out of my way.
i tried to quickly walk past him. but his strong grip around my waist wouldn't allow me to.
"i love you." he said in an almost disappoint or let down tone as if he really did love me.
"let go of me."
"i said i love you." he gripped tighter, i hope he didn't think that this was going to change anything because it wouldn't. the bright sun shined through the kitchen curtain, shining a bear of light in my face.
"honestly don't care if you love me, it's pretty obvious that you fucking don't."
"i only love you." he let me go, being that i was squirming under his touch.
"i only love you." i mocked in a low tone making my way to the bedroom.
i changed into some champion sweat pants and an adidas shirt. none of it being johnny's because i knew that it would piss him off, probably more than what i am right now.
i used the tv remote to go to the menu, pressing to black and red icon with an n. netflix.
half way on the verge of falling asleep i hear the door creek open. my eyes widen when the tv turns off.
"can you please stop being mad at me?" he flicked the light on by the ceiling fan.
"suck my nonexistent dick."
he walked over to the other side of the bed, where he usually sleeps. it may seem petty to him, but truthfully it wasn't to me. it always got to me anytime he mentioned her name.
"i'm being serious." he tried kissing my forehead, as soon as i seen his lips move closer i pushed his face away by the palm of my hand.
"so the fuck am i."
"what did i even do, i don't understand."
"john you're so stuck up on your fantasy girl, celebrity crush, and love of your life that you don't realize that that shit gets to me. im legit nothing compared to her, so i'm not sure why you're with me if all you can think about is her. you're basically only with me because you can't get her or what you really want." i tucked my face into the pillow, making eye contact again to see what he said.
"do you wanna know why i'm with you?" he asked.
"i'd sure like to know" i sarcastically added.
"when you laugh you get these cute little dimples in the corners of your cheeks. even if i tell the stupidest joke you're always the one to laugh at it. you are everything thing i want, and to be honest i'm so surprised because i don't deserve how good you are to me. i live for seeing a smile on you're face and making you happy. kylie's just there and you're right it is a fantasy that is ever think she'd be with me or even a dream at that. but being with you it's like i'm living the dream.
even if your breath stinks in the morning i still get to kiss those pink lips and tell you good morning. i tell you this enough but i live for that and i live for the second that you're wrapped in my arms and we fall to sleep together. i am with no one else but you, i'm devoted to you. i couldn't see myself with anyone else. you're all i want and all i need. i love you endlessly. there is no end to the love i have for you angel, i want to grow old with you and have grandkids." every last word making my insides melt, i made sure that the blanket covered my shirt.
he didn't like me to not go to sleep in his clothes, i'm always comfortable that way. therefore that's all he wants me to wear when we go to sleep.
"damn, how'd i get this lucky."
eww i think i might delete this part later it's not my best and it kinda sucks ass tbh. gotta blastttttt. gn. love u.
