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song moods ✵ honest - bazzi.
"do you feel no shame? does he make you feel the same?"
☽☽☽
3rd
the whole group of friends sat calmly at restaurant dinner table. her hand entwined with jack's underneath the table. jack gilinsky was johnny orlando's best friend. hayden summerall, joined them occasionally. at the table sat, y/n, kenzie, lauren, nadia, emily, devenity, johnny, hayden, carson, ashton, hayden, and jack.
this dinner was arranged by jack and y/n, to confirm their engagement to them all. once she stood to clank her fork against my glass of water, johnny pushed his chair back, and stood.
"i-i have.. i have to go," he stammered. he was hurt. yanking his phone from the table, shaking it as he did. no one was supposed to know about jack and y/n's engagement, it was supposed to be a surprise.
"i'm gunna go check on him." she slid her fingers from in between jack's, everyone's attention turning to her chasing after johnny, who was walking so fucking fast. her ankles burned from running in the black heels she wore.
"johnny!" she called out, she gained closer to him.
"john!" she clasped onto the bad of his long-sleeved, button-up white shirt.
"what?!" he yelled, his breathing hard as he turned around to face her. biting back his lip, as he realized he'd just screamed at her. at 8pm, on an unoccupied wide walk, with heavy traffic beside us, and the light crescent moon shining down on his face.
"why are treating me like this?!" he'd been distant with y/n for the past week, since he'd first heard about the dinner along with everyone else.
"y/n, i'm not doing anything to you! i need to leave!" he pulled a hand through his hair, clenching his jaw, he wouldn't even look at her.
"no i'm not letting you leave! you're supposed to be my best friend you should be here! i want you to be here!" she yelled, trying to put it together, as to why it's escalated so fast.
"you may want me here, but i can't be here!" he took steps closer to her.
"i need you here, john." she cried, her eyes welling with unwanted tears.
"i just.. i can't- i can't see you with him," he gulped, "jack has already told me that he was going to purpose to you and i know that this dinner tonight was all based on that alone." he used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my small tears.
johnny hated to see his best friend cry. little did his best friend know, johnny has been in love with her since they where nine. he never worked up the nerve to admit it to her. they weren't honest with each other, and y/n is so blinded by jack that she can't see what's right in front of her.
"j-john you promised me that you'd come," she sobbed, he continued to wipe away every tears that slipped and brimmed past her cheeks.
"and i promised myself that i wouldn't do this but," he paused, hating himself for what he was would say next.
"i'm done chasing after you, i've been doing it for the most part of my entire life, i'm not doing it anymore." his cheeks grew hot, as her pretty little face filled with worry.
"i love you, god damn i'm in love with you," he sniffled, "and you go and get engaged to g, how the fuck am i supposed to feel about that?"
"i never knew john," she breathes, "and today out of all days you choose to tell me this."
"and you couldn't even come to me and tell me that you fucking engaged my best friend. you knew how i felt about you don't play that innocent shit." he gritted his teeth.
"i didn't-"
"fuck it, just forget i even said anything to you. forget that i was ever even in your life."
johnny stormed to his car, waiting until the door was fully closed. beginning to bawl his eyes out. his knuckles whitened as he sat in the car and banged his balled up fists against the steering wheel.
through blurred vision, he looked down at he phone screen that suddenly brightens and vibrated. due to the text that he'd just received.
angel🌧 pls don't do this.
angel🌧 it doesn't have to be like this, it's your choice john.
he clicked the edit contact button, pressing delete shortly after. being sure that he just read her messages out of spite and hurt, and that he deleted all of her contact and information for his slim back iphone.
johnny
"gunna turn my read receipts on, just to let you know i won't respond."
"girl it hurts me to do this, but i'm not looking for excuses"
"and i deleted all your info cause i heard about the info."
"always knew that you be ruthless."
"but, i never thought that you could do this, oh."
"and the fucked up part is i gave y'all the intro. that was my dude, why you gotta pick him though?"
"i was selfish in the way that i acted."
"now you doing things just to get a reaction."
"ya, i wonder if he's there with you now, fucking you like i used to."
"i know you think about all the things that we did when he's with you."
"and do you feel no shame? does he make you feel the same?"
could we have got what we wanted,
if we had just been honest.
—
i wanted this to be better, but i needed to put something up for y'all. i hate this ugh. love u.♡
