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✧ ·˚ ༘ ➷ ·˚.࿐ —
must be it.
this must be it, this has to be the end. how could she possibly carry on from here?
things have changed, therefore he has changed as well. his change is so overwhelming, that she's not sure if she wants to change with him. normally, couples grow, mature together, and slowly mold into each other. the issue is though, that he's molding without her. molding on his own, not noticing that she's present.
"rented us this new movie, and got some snacks," mumbling, she nervously tucks a strand of her long locks behind her ear. torso burning hot against the cool granite counter, whilst she leaned against it.
he's preoccupied by his slim back iphone in his hands, held directly in front of his face, thumbs typing about on the keyboard.
he fails to realize that the way she upholds herself has changed. that she's no longer confident in herself, now if anything she hides herself and had become self conscious and overly insecure. especially, when he's around.
there was no response from him. instead, continuing to rapidly type at the keys on his phone screen. it felt like she was talking to a large white wall, living the same agonizingly heartfelt day. it's like she isn't even in the same room as him.
"johnny?" she nibbles on the skin of her thumb. anxiously awaiting his reply.
"hm?" he hums, tending to roll his eyes before peeking at her past his phone screen.
"never mind," she shakes her head in disappointment, expecting so much more out of him only to get herself hurt yet again. she turns to grab her slightly sipped water bottle off of the counter.
sliding the water bottle closer to him, along with the ceramic plate that held the sandwich she made for him. he peers down, eyeing the food with some sort of disgust. despite that, he still accepts the food, placing it in front of him, and goes back to typing on his phone.
not even a 'thank you'.
she began to clean to the counters with an already wet towel, swiping past the small crumbs and particles of dust. taking her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down on it to hold back her tears that burned her ducts. struggling to swallow the large lump in her throat.
" 'm going out with the boys tonight," he lazily throws his phone down before picking up his sandwich to take a bite. "and i'll be out late, so don't bother waiting up for me."
her movements come to a halt, looking over at him to see his body clad in sweats and him fully engrossed in stuffing his face.
"what?" she speaks above a whisper, dropping the sponge in the sink. pausing in her washing dishes.
he glares at her with furrowed eyebrows, emeralds desolate. "said that i was going out tonight," he grumbled around a mouthful of food.
"seriously?" she sighs, shaking her head once again.
"yes seriously," he groans, and there he goes passively rolling his eyes. " 'm allowed to have a life."
"sorry," she sucks in a breath, placing the soap sodded sponge on the edge of the metallic sink. letting her hand roam in the water, washing her hands. when she moves to leave the room, she finds that he's scooting his way closer to her.
a half smile appears on her face, assuming that he was coming to check that she's alright. but then she looks over the tops of her droopy eyelids, feeling as he placed the plate in her hand.
"now, wash this will you?" he spitefully interjects, strutting away. grasping the plastic bottle and taking it with him.
there she stands staring at him in complete and utter awe. who was this in front of her? where was the boy that she fell in love with? where's he at?
but somehow she still manages to wash the plate anyway, going on to clean the rest of the apartment that she already cleaned yesterday.
the ever lingering comment that his mother made about being the apartment being a dirty mess ingrained itself in her head. she will never forget the feeling she when meredith made the comment, and since that day she has never let the apartment get that messy again.
exhausted, is what she was.
trying to be the girl that johnny deserves, the girl that his mother can finally be proud of him for finding, the girl his sisters go to when they need advice or even a friend, the girl his father talks to him about marrying one day. along the way, she's lost herself.
whilst she cleans the mirror in the bathroom, stopping to look at herself. clothes are baggy, don't fit her anymore. cheeks are pale, not the bright pretty red color they used to have. the sparkle in her eyes, it's gone.
"headed out," he yells, the door slamming shut a few short seconds after. she can't help but to think that the reason she's become this being that she's not familiar with, has to do with him.
when he stop truly and ultimately caring for her, she stopped caring for herself.
