Please, I do not want a heart

Part 4: Please I Do Not Want a Heart

The sunlight entered the room, and I blinked my eyes couple times.

'Hmm, I think I slept so well for the first time after being born in this world. Hmm?'

As I lifted my head, I saw the man who was crying buckets last night. If my guess is right, this man is my father. I was expecting a good looking one, like those novels I read, a prince charming type, he is a looker, but not my type I guess? I would say he is a knight or mercenary genre type of man. He is a big guy, and look at this muscles, they are ripped.

'Dad, if by chance you live in my previous world, you might be a wrestler.'

The man's eyes were red and swollen, probably from crying so much.

'You love her, huh.'

That made me feel better, there are people mourning for the mother I lost.

'I am sorry, I cannot cry as much as he did.'

It is not like I do not care, and I did cried when I got separated from her, but last night, the thoughts that she might had passed became real. I would like to make an excuse that this man took away my tandem and I could not cry at that moment, however, the horrible memories from my previous lives made my heart hard as stone.

When you are hit by problems after problems and you were hurt on and on and on, you just get used to it. When a person slap you on the face, the pain is numb compare to how you are hurt inside. The days I feel I walk endlessly in the dark with a big hole in my heart is still as fresh as it could get. I was tired of this feeling, a feeling that I am losing all emotions and humanity in me, that is why, I begged Dear Father, to not give me a heart.

Last night though, all the emotions of missing someone, it felt like I could feel it again, thanks to you.

'It is funny that your image, does not look like someone who would bawl like a baby. Thank you for sharing your emotions.' as I kissed the man's cheek, the man's face winched and tried to open his swollen eyes.

............

'My eyes are burning.' as I felt a tiny skin contact on my skin, I wanted to open my eyes.

"Magdalene."

I called the name who wakes me up every morning with a gentle kiss, however I was greeted by two vermilion eyes. I was startled and suddenly sat up, the force of my body made the little creature bounced back and rolled on the bed.

"Oops!"

I instinctively grab the creature's clothes.

"That was dangerous."

I had my sigh of relief when I saw the little human not being scared of me. Then I sat on my knees on the bed and introduce myself.

"I am Joseph Walker, the king of this land, and your father."

I grabbed the tiny hands and shake it real gently. When I saw the pair of eyes just watching with astonishment, I felt my face warming up and I cleared my throat to return my composure.

"Ahem!! I wonder what is your name and gender? There are so many things to do, and to investigate. However, you should be my priority."

I grab the child with both of my hands.

"How am I supposed to hold you? Like this? Do you feel uncomfortable?"

'Arrgg what am I thinking? This child could not answer nor understood me yet.'

But the child raised it's tiny arms and wiggled it. I remember when I raised the little raven on my bossoms, so I held the little creature on my bossoms and it's little arms lock around my neck. I supported it's bottom with my left hand.

"Do you want me to hold you like this?" And it's little head did a nod.

'What is this?! What is this?!! This creature is so darn adorable.' I closed my eyes tightly to contain my emotions, and I feel like my nose is itching.

I find Magdalene adorable too, but in different way. She is precious like gem and I just want her and no one should touch my treasure. I do not know yet, how should I treat this tiny human. Every move this tiny creature makes just remind me of Magdalene, and my heart still quenches from pain.

I shook my head and stood up. "We have so much to do today. Let's wash up first, have breakfast then head to the office."

I made my way to the big bathroom. The maids already prepared the warm water for bath. I laid the little human on the sink and point my big finger on her nose while I make sure it's eyes met mine and said,

"don't move!"

I hurriedly took off my clothes, I am nervous that something might happen the second I take off my eyes from the little human. Thankfully, the tiny human did not even budge. I started taking off it's clothes.

'Wait, how do you remove this?'

Then SNAP!

"Oops, I broke the back part. Argg! This is annoying."

I grab the collar's both end and ripped the clothes in two.

"There, done!" The tiny human just sat there just like a stone but it expressed some surprised.

"Easy! Should had done that the first place, okay let's take a dip." I scooped the tiny body and sat down on the tub.

'This is the life.' Joe sat in relief and just enjoyed the short moment of not being bombarded by thoughts.

Baths is something I enjoy with Magdalene, we sat just like this and enjoy the stillness of life. However when I open my eyes, a lot smaller creature is on my lap.

SLAP!

I slapped my face to stop myself from crying again. My sudden action made the little body on my lap jump for a bit.

"I am so sorry for startling you." The little human stare back at me with her red eyes. Those eyes feels like, they always pulls me back to the saddest reality.

"I have to get it together."

I scooped some water with my palms and shower it on the tiny human's head. It seems that my hands were too big and there were more water than I anticipated. The little human's rub it's eyes with it's little hands and made some choking sounds. I hurriedly grabbed it's tiny body and put it up on the air, and shake the water off.

"Oops sorry again."