Please, I do not want a heart

Part 19: Please I Do Not Want a Heart:

After looking down on my desk for quite so long, I grabbed my stiffed neck and gently looked up.

CRACK, CRACK..

"Arrggg!" I whimpered. I stretched my back and stood up and then stretched my legs this time. All the crackling joints are making me uncomfortable. "I am truly not built for desk work."

Then, there is a slight knock on the door, from the sound of it, he is...

"Come in Kahel."

The smaller figure of my brother came in.

"Glory to Spade my King."

"Drop the formalities and sit down."

This is Kahel, the first and crown prince of Spade. Like the most features of the royal members of Spade, Kahel have a pair of red eyes and dark hair.

"How was your side of the border?"

"There are more barbarians than we anticipated, but claiming the land next to the border should not be far ahead now."

Out of my brothers' son, Kahel is the only one that act like the traditional Spade royal. He was already fifteen when I claimed the throne, but he is mature enough to understand what is going on. This boy been compliant and fulfilled his responsibilities as the first prince.

I sent him out to the war as soon as he graduated from the academy. I trust his strength and intuition, moreover, as a child of Spade, it is a given for us to fight. Though, usually the non-Spadian queens of this country oppose the way we raise our sons, however, his mother let him go quite easily. It is good for my plans, but there is something bothering me about it, and I could not grasp it.

"I had heard the news from Queen mother. My deepest condolence your highness."

The sadness in his eyes are genuine. Even though Kahel tried to avoid Magdalene to refrain his mother from making assumptions, there are moments, the child showed admiration towards me and Magdalene. Kahel admired the great changes we have accomplished on the short time we ruled the country of Spade.

The boy is still looking down with so much sadness. I grab his head and gave it a gentle rub. This boy reminds me of myself more than his father, my brother. He tries not to be an obstacle on governing the country and just fulfill his responsibilities.

"You should start working on succeeding the throne." I don't plan to stay here when we successfully divert the prophecy from happening.

"Eh! But My king! I-i..." He choke up on his words when I look at him into the eyes.

"I only took over, because you were too young and because it was the Emperor's order. Deem yourself worthy and claim this title."

The boy look down again, "but, I think you are doing great, far great than what Father did. The citizens are starting to love you and just follow the Royal order than listening to the nobles, in the south all we hear are praise about you and Lady Magdalene-" then he paused.

"Magdalene is gone, all of this changes are from her advices. Now, it is up to the people of Spade to follow the lay out we spread, then after that I will leave."

The boy look up with emotions unknown to me, he is grimacing with his brows all knotted and he made a light shake of his head. But he dare not to speak up again, probably he knows that I will not change my mind. It is known through all the nobles how I opposed being a candidate to be a successor in the past.

"We just have to tame the nobles to the point they know their place and everything should go for the better from there." Though if all's fail, I guess killing them all will be the easiest way to divert the prophecy. Magdalene was against of the idea and she insists that the bloody war with the nobles will just garnered more hatred. Though, if I do have to use this plan, I will make sure their lineage will end in this generation, it is evil but I cannot lose anyone important anymore.

My bloodlust had spread in the entire room, making a little soul flinch from her sleep. Kahel noticed her presence and stood up and look far into the crib. His eyes gave a glow.

"Let me introduce her to you."

We both walk to the adjacent room where the crib is located. The opened window is letting in a soft breeze.

"She might had fallen asleep while sitting down." I grabbed her body and put her up and let her legs hang down. "You need to stretch your body, it is not good for you to stay in one position for a long time."

The little human just rub her eyes and lazily let her weight down on my hands.

"I don't know, so far I think she will be a carefree one." I gave the little human to Kahel. He was surprised to the sudden warmth on his arms, but he manage to composed himself and held her appropriately. Kahel have two younger siblings, and from the gossips of the maids, it seems that Kahel had held his siblings more than their mother.

Kahel is mesmerized by the little human on his arms. He looks happy for the addition of a Royal member.

"Girls are a lot lighter than boys, and they are soft."

I laugh, "if your little brothers heard you, they will be jealous."

Kahel touch the forehead of the little human with his forehead, it is a good scene. Right now, because we all three have red eyes and dark hair, we look like a real family. I suddenly remember the son I left in Clover.

"She is so warm." Suddenly I heard a soft sobbing sound from the boy.

"What's wrong?" I got worried, and then the boy pass me the little human. And he furiously rub his eyes.

"No, it is just. She, the princess was born in not so great time, my mother will-"

The boy choke up his words, he does not want to finish the sentence, but this boy is smart, and no one knows the Queen the most but this boy. There are a lot more to this, things that are hidden and truths that they are trying to hide.

I walk to him and embrace him. The little human who is now sitting on his head because of my height, is now patting the boy's head.

When he felt the warmth, he sobbed a little bit louder . The war might still be too much to this boy, in addition the unreasonable tantrums his mother throwing at him, and the sudden death of his father is too much for this young soul.

In fact, I do not like this pressure I am giving to him, but in order for him not grow up unlike me and my brother, I must honed him to his finest.

'Though, if he were my real son, will this be all different?'

My real son is living the most peaceful life in Clover Country.

'I am sorry.'

This guilt is something I will carry for the rest of my life, but as a compensation, Spade will be a better place before I let him govern this country. This is my only way to repent for the sins I am committing against this child.