A Hero In The Dark

Chapter 39: Confusion Sets Promise

I check the clock after waking from another nightmare just as horrid as the last; 9:05 pm. I only slept for a couple of hours.

I rub the little sleep from my eyes and shrug away the exhaustion before leaving my room, Pixie following behind.

My knees aren't even wobbly as I walk down the hall. I no longer need to use the wall or Pixie to support my weight.

As I pass the Lecture Hall, I hear the sounds of Nine screaming and grunting. Crashes and bangs and mechanical whirs on the other side of the door. Part of me wants to go in but most of me does not.

I'm not ready.

I'm tired of fighting. Although I know I'll need to do more of it in the future, right now I just want to rest and forget.

The elevator dings. Its doors open wide and I enter through them.

I press the button for the rooftop and as soon as I do, the doors begin to close and up I travel, to the top of the John Hancock Center.

When the elevator doors open and I step out, I am hit with a brisk wind, causing my hair to fly back.

I approach the pane of glass at the edge that acts as the rooftop's borders and place my hands over them, so they dangle over the edge.

I gaze out at the city of Chicago. I gaze up at the sky and the stars.

I'm still terrified that nightmare will come true. I'm terrified that the mogs will find us; that they'll kill John. What if something happens to him? To them? Does Setrákus Ra know where we are?

I don't know if I am really of use to the Garde anymore. What if I get them killed? What if something happens to them, because of me?

Maybe I should leave. Maybe I should go back. Even though I don't want to, at least John won't die. No one has to get hurt. But, is it right to sacrifice myself for John and the others? If I go back, that could possibly mean suicide. I remember the pain and torture I went through when I was captured. Am I ready for more of that? Part of me believes I'm not.

What do I do?

Pixie hops around my legs, nuzzling my ankles with her soft fur. She tilts her head up at me and, even though I can't understand her, I can tell she will always be by my side.

It brings a smile to my face.

I'm tired of thinking. I close my eyes.

After everything that happened – the torture, pain, nightmares – he won't leave me alone. Now he's threatening that if I don't go back, John will die.

My hands ball into fists and I scream out into the night, letting out all my frustration. We're so high up, I don't think anyone on the ground hears me. As I do, a bright blue wave of Energy expands around me. I hardly notice. I'm just angry.

Once the anger is out of my system, I find the thought still nagging in the forefront of my mind.

If I don't go back, John might die. What do I do?

Henri's words echo in my mind; if anything happens to me, promise me you'll keep John safe.

I promised.

If this is how I do it, I need to do it.

I have to go back.

Pixie makes a sort of whining noise at my feet. I look down at her; give her a grim smile.

"I don't suppose you have a better idea," I say, anticipating that she knows my situation.

Pixie does nothing; remains still, looking up at me through small concerned green eyes.