A Hero In The Dark

Chapter 123: Muddy Waters

I breathe when my lungs run out of air.

Then open my eyes when I realize that I am not dead, with both confusion and disappoint.

The sun has gone down and the faintest rays of light remains, yet it is plenty to see my Chimæra in her rabbit form standing worriedly at my knees in the tides of water. And plenty still to see the bullet hovering in the mere inch of space between the gun and my head.

I pluck it out of the air, almost angrily, and keep it clutched in my left hand before pulling the trigger a second time.

Though this time, there is no loud bang. Only the sound of the gun clicking empty.

I bring it down. It can't be empty. It was full when I checked.

But it is.

The clip is gone. In the mud next to me. I didn't even hear it drop. A wave washes into me, picks it up, and carries it in the current.

I watch it come and go; ebb and flow.

Only then do I feel the presence behind me, knowing exactly who it is.

"Why?" my voice murmurs, sounding cold and as empty as the gun itself, eyes kept on the ocean waves drifting the clip in and out. "Why did you stop it? I would've been happy. I would've been at peace. Why let me continue to live in a world where only bad shit happens to me; in a world where I am weak?"

I hear him breathe deeply and it only annoys me, reminding me that I am breathing too.

"Because you aren't weak Emily," Five says and enters the water to sit in the mud beside me and takes the useless gun from my hand. "You think just by ending your life that everything will get better? That the world will go back to peace? That Drac-"

"Don't say his name," I interject, as if in warning.

"That he and everyone like him will just get dusted off into oblivion like all the vatborn mogs we killed?" Five continues then. "You think that will make it any easier for the rest of us? For me? For Pixie? For your family?"

I bring my knees into my chest and hide; bury my face and wrap my arms around them and cry. Cry tears that are the heaviest and most painful I have ever cried.

"I just wanted to be free of my pain, because it hurts to be as helpless as I am," I sob. "But, it just keeps returning to me."

Five puts a hand on my shoulder; tries to bring me back up to look him in his eye, but I keep myself down.

"It keeps returning because you keep trying to run from it," he says.

"What else am I supposed to do? I can't keep running from it all my life Five."

"Then don't," he whispers. "Fight it. Not by guns or knives or swords or poison."

"Then how?!"

"By continuing," Five answers. Only then do I glance up to meet his eye, looking at him in confusion. He explains, "Think of it this way: when Setrákus Ra stabbed out my eye, he was demonstrating his power; showing me what he was capable of and how inevitable it was to fight back. Don't you agree?"

"I guess..."

"Same as when he casted the charm on you," he adds. "It was to prove how unavoidable his future could be. To show you that no matter what you did, there was nothing you could do."

"What is your point Five?"

"My point is, that when people give us pain it is only in the extent of signifying their power. That by inflicting pain on us, they are not only hurting us in the moment but hurting us in our future. So that we are broken in their presence and still breaking down once they are defeated. That charm of yours? It may have been broken when you disconnected the ties between him and you, but it is still embedded into your ankle and forever will be. How many times has it reminded you of the day you got it since his death?"

"Too many," I admit.

Five nods; resumes, "I'm no therapist, but if it is any indication based on what all of us have gone through and dealt with, our past enemies are still lingering in our minds, driving us to madness and insanity."

"Okay Five, I get what you're trying to tell me," I say, stopping him before he can say anything further. "I know what you are trying to do, and I appreciate it. I don't know if I believe you, but I appreciate it."

"Sorry. I don't mean to lecture," is all he can manage to say.

"Don't apologize. You were just trying to help," I say, standing out of the muddy waters and turning my head to gaze at the sea. There is a certain calm to the new night air, as if it is meant to peacefully clear my mind. Though it doesn't, and I ask at last, "Can I ask you something Five?"

"Anything Emily."

My eyes drift to the clip of bullets that Five telekinetically dislodged from the pistol earlier, floating some dozen feet away.

"Be honest," I start, my tone returned to that previous level of coldness. "Why did you really stop that bullet?"

I can sense Five rub the back of his neck as if in humiliation before replying, "Is it that obvious?"

"You kissed me at the complex," I say, not wanting to answer the question directly. "Even when you knew I was with John. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I have to know..."

"Let's just say that staying on an island for most of the aftermath of war with no one but your dead Cêpan, can get a bit lonely. I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries between you two, but yes, I have developed feelings for you Emily."

I stay silent.

"The reason why I betrayed Setrákus Ra all that time ago, was because I realized that things weren't as simple as they seemed," he continues. "I saw you with legacies. A human with abilities. And I knew that I had to reconsider whose side I was fighting on. Took me awhile to figure it out, but I did."

"But you did..." I repeat to myself.

"And you helped," he finishes. "Now I am here to help you. We'll figure it out Emily. There might still be a way we just haven't thought of yet. I promise, I will do whatever I can to find it and get your legacies back. I won't watch you die. Not after everything you've done."

Five smiles. I wish I could return the gesture, but all I can do is swallow the nervousness that continues to arise.

"C'mon," Five states, taking my hand and leading me away from the water and back to his hut. "A storm is coming. We better get inside before it hits."

I don't follow; plant my feet.

"Actually," I refute and Five stops in his tracks; turns to face me with a mild confusion. "I'd like to go to the academy. I'd like to see John. He should know what I am dealing with; what we are dealing with."

The smile returns to his face and he nods.

"I'd be happy to fly you there."