The Thorne To His Rose

Seventy Eight

Birmingham was still the same in Lili's eyes. It had not changed one bit.

She was in the graveyard, putting down some fresh flowers on Freddie's grave. She sighed and smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to see you, Fred. I shouldn't even make any excuses for why I haven't come to see you. I'm the worst sister ever". She cried.

Lili's head dipped down as she burst into tears. She pulled her knees into her chest as she started to cry. "I...I'm sorry". She whispered.

She wiped away her tears and looked at the tombstone. "I...I've been filled with so much hate and rage the past few months and.....it's not Tommy that I hate. It's myself. I hate myself so much, Freddie. I should be you that's alive and me that's dead". She cried out.

Lili burst into another fit of tears, her emotions getting the best of her. "I always thought we would grow old together. But....but you were taken to soon. I should be a better sister. I should have come and visited you every day instead of wallowing in self-hate. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so angry all the time and I try and be nice, and I try and calm down but I can't. It hurts so much. I miss you more and more every day. I can't even listen to the radio anymore in case your song comes on. I just wished I knew how to stop this pain. For it all to just go away. I wish a lot of things, Freddie. I wish you were here, with Ada and Karl". She whispered.

She smiled sadly at the thought of her nephew. "He's gotten so big now. Ada sends me a letter every month, with a picture of him. He looks just like you. Freddie, if I could turn back time I would have made sure I was in your place, so you could be here. But then, there are days where I know it would be better off if you weren't. I would hate for you to feel how I feel. I just wish my life was normal. That it wasn't so...so shit". She muttered.

She stayed by his grave for a few more hours, just talking to him. She stood up and looked down at the grave. "I'm gonna be back in Small Heath for the next few days, so I promise you, every day I will come and see you". She said.

She walked away and made her way out of the graveyard. It was weird, being back in Small Heath. She missed it, it had always been her home, and nothing would change that.

She made her way to Sutton, where Polly and Michael lived. Lili walked towards the front door and stalled for a moment. She didn't know how she was going to react when she saw them, and she didn't know how they were going to react when they saw her.

She lifted her hand and knocked on the door, gently stepping back. A few seconds later the door opened to reveal the maid.

"Are you here for Mrs Grey's reading?" She asked.

Lili shook her head and clutched her case tighter in her hand. "No...I'm family". She answered.

The maid nodded and moved out of the way for her to enter. When Lili walked in, she looked around. The house hadn't changed since the last time she was here.

The maid stepped past Lili and walked into the sitting room. A few seconds later, she came back out. "I'll take your cases to your room. Mrs Grey will see you now". She muttered.

Lili nodded her head and entered the sitting room. The curtains were pulled, and all the lights were off. The only light was from the fire and the candles burning.

"Lili". Polly said softly, a smile spread on the older woman's face. Lili could see how much she had aged since the last time she had seen her.

"Hey, Polly". Lili whispered. She walked over to her and sat down on the small stool in front of Polly.

"How are you, Polly?" She asked, a small frown on her face.

"Good. I'm seeing things in the clear light now Lili. Freddie sees me all the time, he loves you so much and he wants you to let him go. He wants you to stop the torment your bringing on yourself and live". Polly answered.

Lili looked down at her hands and smiled sadly. It wasn't that easy, she could never just let go of Freddie. He was her brother, her blood. Without him, she was a shadow amongst the vast ghosts and spirits of the world, trying to go about their life.

"How's Michael?" Lili asked.

Polly smiled and looked around the room, not answering her question. Lili let out a sigh as she wrapped her arms around her body. She didn't know Polly was really like this, she knew before she got her life back on tracks, she'd have to get the people she loved back on track first.