Ones Love Can Be So Strong Between Two People (A Rammstein Love Story)

Chapter 41- Why Didn't You Tell Me?

(Richard's POV)

I woke up the next morning to hearing the banging of items in the kitchen and I knew exactly who it was, my lover Paul and my god he's so loud in the mornings.

I turned to my right and saw Maisie peacefully asleep within my arms and appearing like nothing could harm her and I didn't want anything to.

I slowly got up and left her buried peacefully and secured within the duvet and walked over to the island in the kitchen where Paul was.

"Morning" I smiled sitting upon the island "good morning my handsome man" Paul smiled and kissed my lips "how's Maisie; is she ok" Paul asked grabbing some mugs out of the cupboard and placing them next to kettle.

"I managed to convince her to come inside so she wouldn't catch her death" I glanced over at her sleeping upon the couch "poor girl; she needs all of us now and we need to be there when things get tough" Paul sighed and scooped some coffee in the mugs he placed down.

I was about to continue my conversation when it hit me that I needed to know more about Paul's rape; it broke my heart when I heard him tell Maisie and not me; Paul has known me for so long.

"Paul...why didn't you tell me" I sighed "tell you what Love" Paul asked glancing at me as he got the milk out of the fridge "you know what...about what happened to you at 16" I sighed; Paul suddenly dropped the milk in fear of me knowing.

"I...erm" Paul panicked "Paul... I just want to talk" I said; Paul turned around and I could see fear and shame lingering upon his face.

"Why baby" I asked "I couldn't tell you; even 5 years after it happened I was frightened and I loved you and I was scared it would ruin our friendship let alone a relationship with you" Paul explained but I knew this was not an excuse.

"That's not an excuse Paul; tell me the truth, why didn't you tell me" I asked as I got a tea towel and wiped up the spilt milk "I was frightened and vulnerable and I didn't want you judging me for something that wasn't even my fault" I heard Paul's frustration.

"Judge you; what the fuck are you talking about Paul; I love you and I would have helped you" I turned to face him "after 20 years Paul and even now you still haven't told me" I said "you shouldn't even have known; that secret was private" Paul's anger started erupting through him.

"I'm your best friend and you know you can tell me anything" I sighed "anything I know that but me being raped all those years ago was a secret Richard and I only told Maisie to allow her to know that she isn't alone" Paul grunted angrily through gritted teeth.

"Were you ever going to tell me Paul" I asked that question and I'm hoping he will tell me yes at some point he would have told me.

"Well were you going to tell me" I asked Paul sighed in defeat and it seemed the answer I wanted; I wasn't going to receive.

"If you must know; I was never going to tell you because I didn't want to ruin anything with you Richard; not our friendship or a potentially relationship" Paul sighed "so what; you would have kept it hidden for another 20 odd years Paul" I gritted angry through my teeth.

"WOULD IT HAVE MATTERED RICHARD; SOMETIMES COUPLES KEEP SECRETS BURIED WITHIN THEM" Paul screamed at me which only increased my anger towards him.

"YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP ME IN THE DARK EVEN MORE; YOU SUFFERED ALONE WITH THIS DARK SECRET FOR ALL THESE YEARS" I screamed "I KEPT IT BURIED SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO CONTINUE TO SUFFER FROM IT" he screamed and suddenly I saw tears coming from the man I have loved for so many years.

"YOU STILL SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME; I'M ANGERY AT YOU FOR NEVER TELLING ME" I screamed even though I knew I was making my lover cry even more.

"What's all the shouting" I heard Till and he walked into the kitchen "nothing Till; go away" I tried waving Till off "don't speak to him like that; what has Till done" Paul defended him "you're backing Till; he should be on my side since you kept that secret" I grunted angrily "don't you dare tell him Richard; that secret is private" Paul threatened.

"WHY WOULD IT MATTER IF I TOLD HIM; ITS NOT LIKE HE'LL JUGDE YOU UNLIKE ME; OF COURSE I WOULD JUDGE YOU" I shouted "you tell him and I'll fucking kill you; don't you dare weaponise my secret Richard; I'm warning you" Paul pointed his finger at me.

"Who the fuck woke me up at this ungodly hour" I heard Flake who was soon followed by the rest of the band.

"This is Paul's doing" I blamed waving my arm at him "what has Paul done" Flake asked "don't you dare" Paul threatened walking closer to me "Paul was raped when he was 16 and never told anyone; the only person who knows is Maisie, happy now" I smiled sarcastically.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD" Paul suddenly launched himself towards me and wrapped his hands around my neck "YOU FUCKING INCONSIDERATE BASTARD" Paul screamed as he choked me upon the floor.

"I HATE YOU; THAT SECRET WAS PRIVATE" Paul continued to choke me even more "Paul calm down" Schneider pulled him off me.

"This secret was never suppose to get out; I told Maisie so she wouldn't feel alone but you have just trampled on it like it didn't mean shit to you" Paul tried to fight his way through Schneider's strong grip.

"YOU REALLY THINK I DON'T LOVE AND CARE ABOUT YOU" I shouted "when I overhead you saying it to Maisie it broke my heart Paul; I'm angry because I can't understand why you couldn't tell me" I sighed "I fucking love you Paul Landers; you didn't think this wouldn't affect me because it has" I sighed.

"DID YOU THINK BY TELLING ME THAT I WOULDN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU'RE WRONG" I screamed "I love you baby...but you should have told me" I sighed.

"FUCK YOU RICHARD; I DON'T OWE YOU SHIT OR ANY EXPLANATIONS" Paul screamed "YOU FUCKING DO PAUL; WHAT IF I TRIGGERED IT AND I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN; SECRETS LIKE THAT NEED TO BE TOLD" I screamed and punched the worktop of the island.

I was about to say something else before I saw them all looking very worried; I turned around and saw a tearful Maisie stood staring at us all, oh shit.

"Maisie..." Till tried to talk to her but she just ran upstairs "see what you've done now Richard; Maisie" Till called as he ran upstairs to her.

"Fuck you Richard; you are an inconsiderate bastard who doesn't give a shit about my feelings and exposes secrets that shouldn't have been" Paul snarled at me before he ran upstairs.

Suddenly I felt like such a bad guy and truth is; I am because I shouldn't have exposed that secret and I shouldn't even have confronted him like that.

I've now also disrupted Maisie and she's been through hell the last 24 hours and she should have a calm home.

"Am I a bad guy" I asked the rest of my band "personally yes because you've woken up but also yes because you exposed a secret that Paul didn't even tell you and that's a shitty move" Flake strained his frustration at me.

"You also disturbed Maisie and she does not need this type of environment and you need to apologise to both her and Paul" he sighed I sighed "I'm sorry about this" I sighed and ran upstairs to the attic where I knew Maisie and Till would be.

I walked over to the porch and overheard Till and Maisie talking about a lot of things and I felt really guilty because Maisie didn't deserve it and neither did Paul who I actually adore and love so much.

"I didn't need this Till; who starts an argument like that" I heard her sobbing; oh god what have I done.

I walked downstairs over to mine and Paul's room and heard him sobbing; I wanted to knock on and say sorry but I know I need to give him so space. I shouldn't have exposed that secret and I regret exposing it; I'd take it back it in a heartbeat if I could.

I just hope everyone forgives me and sees through me that I am a good person and I didn't mean any of this.

I slouched down upon the ground outside our room and started to silently cry as I heard Paul's heart break right in the room.

"I'm sorry my love; please talk to me; I love you" I sobbed and pulled my knees close to my chest and rested my head upon my knees.