Coffee

Part Six: My Hide Out

I've forgotten.

I've forgotten what it's like to care about people.

Patients.

I forgot that they have fears and poor self image sometimes and struggles.

I forgot that they have families who sometimes leave them to suffer alone and then there are some who work as hard as they can to suffocate their sick loved one with all the love and happiness they can.

I had forgotten what it's like the have a heart.

Standing on the roof, drinking my coffee from Pain de Vie, I lean over the half wall and just stare out at the world.

Damn Max put me here. Put me back into the burning pot of suffering and worries. He's going to join the suffering real soon and I'll be the one with all the worries. I feel as if my heart shriveled up and neglected itself and now that I'm back in the saddle doing all this again- I feel like I'm painfully trying to grow my heart back to normal size without any help or directions on how to do it without pain.

Will I even be able to cure Max?

Will I even be able to support him?

His wife signed the divorce papers and so did he. Once that judge signs them- they are official and his wife won't need to know about his cancer. And he'll never tell her- I guarantee it. He's known for a while and has said nothing. He doesn't want her staying with him out of pity. Which I fully understand. But how can he do this by himself? I can only support him here. I can't babysit him with love and care 24/7 and not end up falling for him even more. It's dangerous.

Ping!

MG43MD:

Can we go to that island, please?

He's frustrated. He's having a hard day as well.

SuperStar35:

I'll start packing.

I don't get a reply for a few moments. Next thing I know, the roof door bursts open and out walks Max, fuming, upset and leaning against the short half wall.

"If you're looking for a hide out- this one's already taken." I call over to him and his eyes shoot to mine as I turn and lean against the wall and play with my coffee cup.

"Who are you running from?" He calls to me.

"Patients...you?"

"Doctors." He looks at me sweetly. Pushing off the wall he comes over to me. "One in particular...I shouldn't be here."

It sounds so sad.

"Well that makes two of us." He just looks at me with his head tilted and I sigh. "I didn't expect to care...this much."

"That's exactly why you should be here." He looks away and that sentence radiates in my mind.

"What about you?"

"I made a promise to my wife...that I would slow down. Before this I ran a clinic in Chinatown and it almost broke us. I mean Georgia... Georgia couldn't go through that again and I promised that she wouldn't have too. I promised her that I would be there so we could have a family. So I asked Georgia to slow down with me, to stop dancing. She gave up her career that she loved. A career she was great at and she did. For me. To be a mom. So we got pregnant...and then I got the call about New Amsterdam. If Chinatown was K-2 then New Amsterdam was Everest. Who can resist climbing Everest?"

"Most people." I come closer to him. His whole story- the whole thought of it...it's sad and a bit bothersome- but when I look at Max and see the good he's doing.