Coffee

Part Seventy-Six: Used And Thrown Away

None of the Euchre group made it.

Not one.

What was worse, was Castro made me tell them, while she played Santa Claus and delivered a pleasant gift to the 17 who did.

The group wasn't disappointed though- which almost hurt more. Like they knew I had failed them the second they sat on the couch across from Castro and I.

Gathering my things, I trudge through the stairwell to get down to the atrium. The whole way down, I heart my heart thump in time with each step I take. For a long time, I always thought things happened for a reason.

What is the reason behind losing everything I care about?

What's the reason for Max's hatred for me?

What's the reason for me to keep going in life?

Stopping halfway down the second level flight of stairs, I sit down and set my purse beside me. I bend forward over my knees and push my hands through my extensions.

This isn't the life I thought of when I thought of my future.

I thought I'd be married by now with at least a child or two- a nice house in the burbs, great job I loved- and the man who would give me the moon if I asked him for it.

The tragedy that is my existence only makes it more pathetic that I'm stuck here in the tar pit of my life- sinking into the black goo with no way to get out.

"What are you doing?" His voice echoes slightly as he comes down the steps behind me. Having Luna strapped to his chest and all his things- he's ready to leave, but has the unfortunate chance of finding me here - wallowing silently to myself.

"Taking a break." I simply say as I let my hands dangle by my sides- my finger tips sliding over the cement steps effortlessly. I never look up. I never question his existence- I simply keep my head in my lap and breathe in.

"Are you okay?" It sounds forced like he doesn't really care.

"Yeah...nothing to bother yourself with." I stand up, a bit angry and continue down the steps. He does as well.

"Helen..."

"It's fine, Max. You can stop pretending." I making it to the last flight of stairs as he gets a bit closer.

"Pretending?"

"Yes." I quietly, but firmly say.

"Wha..." I open the stairwell door and get into the atrium hallway. Heading out across the waxed tiled floor, I get halfway across when I quite literally land on my arse....but also my head.

Arse of tin cups I go and I hear people chattering. As I open my eyes, I find Max extending his hand to me- Luna staring down into my eyes with a small baby smile and tired eyes.

"Helen..."

"I'm fine." I turn over and slowly stand up- ignoring his hand altogether. From my arse to my head and neck- I feel faint and queasy. Maybe it's the day catching up to me? Or maybe, it's just from the fall. Either way- I'm in so much pain- but I ignore it. I ignore it, because if I linger too long- everyone will realize the kind of fool I am.

The kind of fool who falls for someone who's never loved them.

The kind of fool who pours their heart into everything only to get burned.

The kind of fool who wishes for death to become her.

I start walking again, but it's my back the kills me. It's tight and stiff. I feel aboard pressed firmly against it- straightening it and making it solid. Huh, figures. I hurt myself in front him.