Coffee

Part Twenty-Four: Enter Dr. "Charisma" Panthaki

Sitting in my office this morning, I watch Max pace my floor. I told him this morning that I had news and yet I have had no chance to deliver it because he's nervously pacing and biting his thumb.

"Max. You need to sit down. You're driving my nerves into the carpet." I say and he takes a deep breath.

"I'm just...I'm not ready."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say." He stops pacing and sits down in one of my armchairs across from me. I can still hear his knee bouncing and can honestly say that's the best I'm going to get from him- so I don't fight it. "Now, I found you a clinical trial."

His leg stops and he watches me as he holds his breath.

"It's with Dr. Penthaki from St. Simons and it's Precision Targeted immunotherapy."

"That's great! Wonderful!"

"I still have to insist on staying the coarse previous made for you..."

"Helen, Chemo and Radiation is the equivalent to bashing myself in the head with a brick in hopes that the cancer dies before I do."

"Right. The cancer dies. This is just gambling your life away with uncertain to no results." I state and he fumes slightly.

"But there's no debilitating side effects. It's what I want."

"It's risking your life. It's risking your chances of being a father." He has a face that basically screams enough.

"Helen...Please...I need to do this. I need to try...but I can't do it if I know you're not on board." Huh...I'm not on board and he knows that, but he also knows I won't argue with him passed this point. He is my patient.

"Let's get you into that trial then." Getting up, he runs around the side of my desk and turns my chair- pulling me from it and into his arms.

"Thank you...thank you...." Plastering kisses all over my neck and jaw- I just keep praying that he knows what he's in for and that you some miracle it works for him.

"Don't thank me yet. I still have to go talk to Panthaki today when I drop off your file to see if you're even eligible." He just squeezes me and continues to kiss me. I'm so worried. As terrible as it sounds- I sort of hope he gets rejected so we can just go the route I know will work. I don't like the unknown- never have. It scares me and I'm a big enough person to admit that.

"When do you go?"

"Around 10. So I have an hour left." Pulling back from me, he takes me in with his eyes and his hands slide down my waist.

"Did I mention how sexy you look today in your burgundy sweater and black skirt?"

"Are you kissing up so I get over the fact that you've rearranged my whole plan for you?"

"That depends...is it working?" He smirks and I gently punch his right pectoral. "Kidding. I really just wanted to tell you that. I appreciate everything you're doing. I know I'm not making it easy on you."

"You can say that again."

"But I also have a really good feeling about this whole thing. Just like..." He places his hands on the small of my stomach and he bends his head down to look into my eyes directly. "I have a good feeling about you getting pregnant. No matter who the father is or the route you take to get there."

Fuck, he's good.

"Which...have you...you know...thought any more about it." I know what he means.

"About what?"