Coffee

Part Thirty-Six: Zurah

As the day went on, holding Zurah became heaven.

Zurah.

Brightness.

When I first called her that in front of Max he looked taken aback. When I said maybe it was fate that Zurah came into my life and I don't think Max liked that.

I know I told him I wouldn't get attached, but we both knew it was a lie. He knew the second I found her that I would want her for myself. I do. I want her. If I can't have my own baby, then why not have her? We've bonded. She knows me. She's calm and feels safe in my arms.

"How's it going in here?" Max pokes his head through sliding doors and I can tell he's on edge from being in here after earlier.

"She's so calm now...well, calmer." I quietly say as I rock back and forth in the chair. With Zurah's head against my chest, I rest the side of my face against her head just a bit.

"That's great. I'm glad the treatment is working."  He keeps his distance and just watches me with concerned eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing...You look like a natural."

"It feels natural...I have waited for this feeling." His smiles dwindles slightly and then he casts his eyes downward. "I know what you're thinking."

"Helen...."

"She's synced to my heartbeat...like I'm her Mum..."

"Helen..."

"Don't look at me like that. Would it be that crazy if I wanted to adopt her? It would work out perfectly. We've bonded and...." He frowns and interrupts me.

"There's someone here to see the baby." His voice is stiff and serious- so unMax.

"Wendy gave her up." She signed her rights away. There's not way Safe Haven would let her revoke her legally signed document.

"It's not Wendy...it's the Baby's father." My heart drops in my chest and I can't breathe. I can't see through the fog in my mind that mists over logic.

"She didn't have anyone to call..."

"Helen..."

"Max, it's not fair. She gave her up. She didn't want anyone to help her or Zurah..."

"Sweetheart, the father wants to meet his daughter. We have no choice." Just staring at him, I don't think I can do this. I can't be professional. Not right now. Not while holding a baby that I've fallen in love with. Placing the baby in the bassinet, I pull on my bra and shirt and it's so hard not to become angry. Max opens the curtains and gestures of a nurse. One comes in a wheels Zurah away and I just shake my head and allow the tremor to slide through my body. Max steps towards me and I back up. I don't want to be touched right now. Getting the message he steps out of the room and I follow him. Heading towards a small conference room, we step in and there is a very tall man with thick curly brown hair pacing the floor. When he sees us come in, he stops and walks over to us. "Andrew, this is Dr. Sharpe. She's the doctor who found Wendy this morning and she was the one rooming in with your daughter all day. A long patient day of holding and feeding in a non stimulated area with skin to skin contact."

Andrew reaches out to shake my hand and I hesitate a moment.

"Thank you. Thank you for all you did." I nod and Max gestures to us to sit at the small table.

"Andrew, are you aware Zurah was born addicted to opioids? That her mother was using all throughout her pregnancy?" My voice is more aggressive than it should be, but I can't help it. "Why didn't you get her help?"