Coffee

Part Forty-Two: Flats and Slacks

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life.

I cried myself to sleep after Max left and got no sleep. This morning, My whole body felt like a refrigerator was dropped on me- achy and sore and just over all no air in my lungs.

I don't wan to go to work today. I don't want to see Max. After my episode yesterday that lead to my decision of breaking us up: only added to the fact that I was now labeled a cheater. Being alone is what I know and deserve. I don't know why I thought I could go back to dating- let alone my boss. I don't know why I thought something would work out for me.

Walking into work the morning, I try to hold myself up as if I'm not dying inside. In a matter of two weeks I have managed to ruin not one, but two of my relationships. I wrote Lauren a letter this morning and sent it out with the post.

Simply telling her I was thinking of her and I was sorry everything happened this way.

I know she won't respond.

I know when she gets home- whenever that may be- that she will go on hating me.

It's only a matter of time before I move on as well. Fundraising is sounding very good right now. Being on the road again. Public speeches. Forums. Talk shows. It sounds like the perfect escape to find myself back in the lonely saddle that adorns my name.

Getting up to my office, I find Maeve has already managed my schedule for the day. Mostly check ins, biopsies, and normal round kind of works.

"Dr. Sharpe, Dr. Goodwin has his chemo in five minutes." Maeve says as I unlock my office door.

"Yes...well I'm sure he'll show up and go." I state as I remove my jacket and set my purse down.

"What if he doesn't?" She asks and I look up at her.

"Then you call Dora and have her track him down and bring him in."

"Is...is everything alright, Dr. Sharpe?" Put on the smile and hide your pained feelings and broken heart.

"Yes..."

"Okay...it's just seems like you're...." I look her over and she stops talking. "I'll go get Max hooked up for you."

Leaving with a quickened pace, she's out of my office and down the hall without a second word. Dropping to my seat, I turn my computer on and lay my head on the desk.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel as though I could vomit repeatedly. A knock on my door disrupts me and I pray it's not Max.

"Good morning...." Iggy.

"Morning. You meandering the halls again?" I ask and he chuckles quietly as he closes the door. "Oh, this is serious. Is one of my patients in distress?"

"No...no, not exactly." I look at him and by the sound of his voice, he seems to be nervous and yet serious: which is odd for him.

"Ig?"

"Helen..." He takes a deep breath and just shifts his eyes between me and the floor as he sits in an armchair and turns towards the couch.

"What? What are you doing?"

"Would you join me?" He asks and I remain still for a while. He can't be serious. "Helen?"

"I'm rather busy today, Ig. Full schedule- so unless this is cancer related or has something to do with a patient, I'm going to have to decline and ask you to leave."

"I'm afraid...I'm afraid I can't do that." He doesn't look at me and I know it's because I scare him.

"And why not? Have I done something wrong?"