Coffee

Part 103: Moving On

Knock knock

Who's there?

Me.

Me who?

Your daughter who is broken and can't be fixed.

Sitting in my Mum's dining room, I stir my spoon around in my coffee as my Mum and Dad just stare at me.

"Helen, you cannot just runaway from work and people who love you."

"He doesn't love me Mum and I'm not running away. I'm moving on. Isn't that what we do as human beings? We move on. Start over. Find happiness." Her face elongates and my Dad chimes in.

"Helen, I agree with you..."

"Adric!" She quietly scolds him.

"Celine- look at her. She's hurting. Haven't you been pestering me about wishing she would come home for good. She's here now- so what's the fuss?" He places his hand on mine and I smile and squeeze his finger tips.

"I do want her home. I want her to be happy. But I also want her to think about responsibility and action. You dropped your job without having a steady one here. You burnt a bridge that could have helped you. You left your house. Your things. You broke your phone. Helen- I understand that you have had a rough few months, but...."

"Mum! My whole life has been rough!" I yell and both sit back in their seats. I have never really yelled at my parents before- even as a teen. I was always polite and cordial because that's how I was raised. "I've been used, beaten, sexually assaulted by men I thought loved me! I lost my only shot at having a baby. I lost one of my dogs. I lost Max to some woman and her child! I lost my titles and department for doing my job! My life has been one hellish nightmare and all I want to do is be with my Mum and Dad and start over!"

When I'm done- they don't know what to say. They've only heard about the baby, Bentley, and Max. They've never been let in on my deep dark disturbing moments. My mum starts crying and gets up to hold me, while my father picks Sophie up and just pets her calmly- unsure of what to do.

"You should've told us. Why haven't you told us any of this?"

"Because it was my baggage to carry. Stand tall and proud and strong- right? That's what we do. That's what you instilled in me." Shaking their heads, I feel my tears coming back like yesterday.

"Darling- you never have to carry baggage alone. Especially something like that. You should never have to deal with that pain. I'm so sorry." My Mum holds me tightly and I hold onto her arms as she holds me from behind the chair.

**3:24 p.m**

Walking around the shopping center, Mum has been acting like it's any other day. She walks with her head high and a smile on her face as she leads me to the phone outlet. Getting inside, we go to the iPhones and I find the 11- which I had previous to my breaking it.

"Which color?" She asks and I look at her curiously.

"Does it matter? It's just a color." I state and she peruses the different stocked colors.

"I like this red one. I think red always looked good on you."

"Mum...it's a phone. I'm not wearing it. When you put a case on, no one sees it anyway. There's no point."

"Then how about this yellow one. It's very cheery."

I sigh heavily.

"The red is more of a berry and that yellow looks near to piss."

"The lilac then? Or the mint?"

"Mum, they all run the same." I state and she looks at me. I see her eyes slowly becoming wet. I get it now. She's just trying to keep her mind off of what I told her earlier. "I like the red...you were right. It is my color."