Coffee

Part Fifty: We Have Too...

As we make our way back to the Dam, I notice Max lagging a bit. It's freezing out here. The wind chills us, and it's hard to see - even with the street lamps.

We're so close to the Dam, but I stop hearing Max's footsteps behind me. Turning around, he's barely sitting up in the snow, the bag dropped at at feet. He's coughing slightly with a pained expression on his very red face.

"Oh man..." Going over to him, I hunker down to look at him. His over all expression is tired and snow sticks in his bear. His hood had fallen off his head, leaving him exposed to the wind. "Hold on...I'm sorry..."

He can barely breathe and his whole face is red from the cold slapping him.

"You...you were right....I am tired..." I just search his steel eyes and notice him shaking slightly.

"Okay...It's okay." I just feel like I'm losing every part of him. I hate it. I hate the thought that he could die out here.

"Maybe...maybe I should listen to you more often." Pulling up his hood- I can feel my whole body quake. We search each other's eyes for any hint of something more. For him...I don't think he's found it. For me...I'm unsure.

"Don't be sorry....That's why I'm here. Come on. Lean on me. Okay?" Taking the bag, I throw it across my body and bend forward to get him him. "Come, Max...we've done this before...we can do it now."

As we walk the last block to the Dam, I feel him sagging and becoming weaker.

"Come on, Max. Come on...."

"Stop...stop..." His feet stop moving and I can literally see the front of the hospital from where we are.

"Max we're so close. Come on...you can do this. I got you." He looks up at me, upset, tired and weak.

"But who's....who's got you, Helen?"  His voice is fully of wheezes and labored breathing. I shake my head and his weight is slowly becoming too much for both of us.

"Max, we need to get you inside. Come on." He doesn't budge. "Max...please....help me. I can't do this alone."

Slowly, he shuffle forward and with each step towards the Dam, I feel that same feeling I had the last time I carried Max home.

Compromised.

Exposed.

Cared for.

His words and looks are on repeat in my head.

He loves his doctor.

He loves me.

He's said it- out loud- maybe not in the way one would have expected, but he said it. He loves me.

So what's holding me back still? Fear of commitment and getting hurt or the fact that I've never told any man, besides Mo- that I love them?

"Almost there." I say- walking up the front steps and across the warm atrium to the elevators so he can rest in my office.

"Just a few more steps. We can get untouchable upstairs." I prop Max up against the corner wall of the elevator and press the button for it to descend.

"Or right here is good." Max slowly starts dropping to the floor. Turning back to him I'm worried. He's over done it.

"Max?! Are you feeling okay?" Taking my gloves off, I feel his head with both sides of my hand and he's slightly warm.

"Yeah...Boy...am I tired...." As he removes his hood, The bags under his eyes say it all. Sitting across from him on my heels, I wipe my near running nose and look him over.