Coffee

Part Fifty-Five: Harvest

"Max...it's a pleasant surprise seeing you here...at Helen's Harvest." Jenny says as she enters the examine room. I'm in my paper gown and hospital socks, sitting on the examine table with one leg over the other. I'm less than thrilled right now. I told Max no and yet- here we are.

"Not as pleasant as you'd think" I mumble under my breath as Max just beams happily.

"Wouldn't be anywhere else." He happily says as he leans against the wall. Rolling my eyes, Jenny smirks between us and tries to suppress it, but finds it hard.

"Are you our donor?" Our eyes both widen and our faces stiffen. "Because if you are, we can freeze the eggs fertilized which increases your chances of pregnancy and we could get it all done in one session."

She says hopeful and nearly excited.

"Unless...I misread the situation." She shyly adds.

"Could you give us a few minutes- Jen." Max says and she nods before leaving us. Coming over to me, he uncrosses my legs and stands in between them. Place his hands on the outsides of my shoulders- I try not to look at him. I'm frustrated among other things. "Helen?"

"I'm mad at you. I told you this was a terrible idea and yet- you insisted on this."

"If I remember correctly you didn't fight me coming through that door and you certainly didn't fight me, helping you get that gown on. So, I guess the real question here is- are you done pretending you don't want me here?" I don't look at him for a while- trying to will myself to say that I don't want him here. Trying to maintain the illusion that I need us to only be friends. But the more I avoid his gaze and the more I scold myself for wanting him here: the more upset I get because I know there's not enough convincing in the world to get me to believe I don't want Max in anyway. Finally looking up at him- eyes fresh with threatening tears, I tilt my chin down and his smile slowly softens. He knows he has me. He knows I can't say no. When did I grow so soft and so dependent? "Just tell me to go."

My arms slowly uncross and I begrudgingly pinch and hold onto his scrub top, now allowing my forehead to drop forward.

"Helen?" His voice is so quiet as he gently pushes his forehead into mine and looks in my eyes.

"I want you to stay..." I defeatedly say. "And...would you...Huh..."

"Make a donation?" Smirking at me, his hands snake around my body and gently presses into me a bit more. The heat from him burning my skin.

"Don't call it that." I say as I pull back slightly and look him in the eyes.

"Fertilize you're eggs?"

"Yes..." I quietly say and he smiles before kisses my lips. Damned if it didn't feel good to have his lips on mine. "Max..."

"Sorry...friends...I got it...and I would be more than happy to help you." He slowly pulls away from me and I know I should let him go. I know I should allow him to go back to the wall and resign to his position as a friend and nothing more. I should let him go.

But I don't.

I don't let him go.

I don't allow him to resign to his position as friend.

And I certainly don't allow him to go back to the wall.

I hold onto his scrub top and continue to look at my hands on him.

"Helen?" His voice peaks slightly- concern wavering through it casually.

"I'm at war...with myself...." I say blankly and quietly.

"About what?" I look up at him as if he should know. A part of me believes he does and he just simply wants confirmation. Another part of me says he honestly probably has no clue.