Coffee

Part Fifty-Four: A Ray Of Sunshine

Rolling over...or not because Bentley is on my chest and Sophie is length wise against my side- I open my not so burning eyes and find Max still holding my hand asleep. It brings a smile to my ever tired face. Now that the fever seems to have broke, I feel better, but not by much. My body is still achy and my head still pounds slightly, but it is what it is.

"Hmm....I missed this." Groggily yawning, Max looks at me laying here and squeezes my hand gently

"Mmm, me too."

"Do we have to go to work today? Can't we just stay here...like this?" How perfect that would be for us, but he's already forgotten. We are just friends.

"Unfortunately, no. You have your first meeting with Stauton today and I won't be the reason you miss it." Pulling my hand away, I start to sit up the best I can and Bentley climbs off the couch tiredly and Sophie goes and snuggles with Max, who welcomes her with open arms.

"Such-a sweetie." He gives her a kiss on her head and scratches her back.

"I'm heading up to get dressed because I have my own appointment this morning. When I come down you better be gone- so you're not late for that appoint...

"Appointment- I know." Smirking, I shake my head and make my way to get dressed. Not too long after I'm halfway up the stairs, Max comes out quickly and looks at me. "Appointment? Does that mean?"

"No...I'm, huh, I'm having my eggs harvested to be frozen."

"But....but I thought you wanted..."

"I do. I really do, but I don't think now's the best time." I start to head up the last of the steps and Max rounds them and comes up too.

"Why? If you don't do it now..."

"Max, I want a baby. More than anything else in the world, but I have to also think about what I'd be bringing that child into...."

"A loving home where they're wanted and..."

"And going to have a Mum who falls apart when men yell and scream. A home where it's me...just me- trying to take on everything and still keep my job..."

"You'll get better: you don't have to do it alone, Helen. You're amazing and..."

"And it's not enough, Max. I'm still working through everything. After losing my first...." I have to stop before I get too emotional and break- leaving the whole day to be ruined. "What if I do all this and I lose this one...if it ever took?"

"Helen, you were in a terrible spot back then..."

"I'm in a terrible spot now..."

"But it's different." He gets closer to me and I feel heavy once more.

"How?"

"Because..."

"That's not an answer, Max. It's a preposition." I turn to go and he takes my hand, drawing my attention back to him.

"Because I'm here and I'm going to help you through all of it. Your PTSD, work, the baby..."

"Max, the point of us being just friends is so you can focus on your cancer. If you don't focus on your cancer now- you won't be around to do any of those things. Think about that."

"I have."

"No. You really haven't." I pull my hand from him and head into my bedroom. Going to my closet, I grab out my speckled red, black and white pencil skirt and a black drop neck top. 

"Yes, Helen. I have. I'm managing it." He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and I try to pull from him, but he just keeps holding on.