Coffee

Part 109: Waiting Impatiently

Getting through Max's door, it's only 8:24 and we have the rest of the night to go until we can go back to see Ben. I can't help but pace the living room as Max takes Sophie out to go potty. I'm so worried.

It's nerve wracking, being a mother. You're always worry incessantly about your baby. When they're sick or upset, it only makes you worry more. The front door opens, and Max comes in with Sophie and Luna- who insisted on going. He releases Sophie from her leash and she and Luna take off running around the kitchen and living room. Setting the leash on the counter, Max watches me pace like a tiger in a cage.

"Helen...relax. They'll call if something's wrong or they have new information."

"It... it could be congenital heart failure, or his liver could be shutting down- kidney failure. Epilepsy..." he comes over and firmly holds onto me by my shoulders.

"Helen!" I stop rambling medical thoughts for a second and his eyes soften. "I know what you're going through...but right now- you need to think less as a doctor and just be a Mum. Okay? Trust me. Being a doctor sucks when it's your kid. You'll never get any rest and most of the time- you'll over diagnose and it only ends badly from there."

"I can't lose him, Max."

"And you won't. Let's sit down and relax for a moment- Hmm?" After a few seconds to think about his words of wisdom, I slowly nod and follow him to the couch. I sit down, just a little hesitant and unhappy about all of this. Walking away, he goes to the kitchen and preheats the oven and starts a coffee pot. Coming back over with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich some apple sauce and milk- he calls Luna over and she comes wobbling over to sit on the couch next to me. "Here Lu."

"I!"

"Hi baby. Gotta ya a sandwich and some applesauce. You hungry?"

"Yeah." She takes the sandwich from Max and leans against me to eat it. They're cut in tiny little square and she ends up getting the jelly and peanut butter all over her little face.

"You messy. Hmm." He says sweetly and she giggles, showing her tiny front two teeth.

"Yeah..." Looking to me, she offers me some sandwich and I shake my head.

"No thank you, munchkin...."

She eats quietly and Max reheats the food from the cafe and brings me over that and some coffee.

"Here, you should eat something." He says to me and I shake my head.

"I don't want to eat...I don't want to just sit here... I feel useless. What good am I, if I can't even treat or be with my own baby?" I snap slightly and Luna looks at me a bit scared. "I'm sorry, Baby Girl. I didn't mean to scare you."

She cautiously goes back to eating her food and Max sighs.

"Helen, please...take a deep breath- eat something- have a sip of coffee and try to think positive. No news is good news right?"

"Unless the staff at the hospital are inept." I say and he scoffs slightly.

"You know they're doing all they can for him. As you would if you were the doctor in this situation."

"I should be the doctor in this situation- he's my son." I bite again and he gets up and kneels in between my legs ion the floor. He takes my hands and looks deep into my eyes.

"Helen, Ben is going to be okay..."

"We don't know that...Max he's been doing so good for five months! No fussing, no illness, no injuries. Then all of a sudden- tonight- he nearly passed away in his sleep if it weren't for Luna and you! How is this okay? How is he going to be okay? What if it happens again and God forbid I'm not close by or..." I start crying and hyperventilating. He squeezes my hands and Luna sets her sandwich down on the couch and stands up beside me. She crawls over my arm as and just sits with her back to my chest- hugging my arm.