Coffee

Part Seventy-Eight: Pulled Down

"So I slept with Ligon." Lauren says as she waits to piss in her cup this morning- as I stand here and watch.

"Zach Ligon? You slept with your physical therapist?" Smirking, I laugh slightly and she becomes red in the face.

"Yes. I don't know how it happened- it just sort of...I don't know happened." She remains on the pot and waits to have to go.

"Well, hopefully you can get some physical therapy done while fucking your doctor."

"Speaking of fucking doctors..."

"No." I cut her off.

"You don't even know what I was going to say." She whines and I look at her as if she's stupid for saying such a thing.

"Is it about Max?"

"Yes."

"No." I quickly say again.

"What is the problem? Did something else happen?" Her question is loaded for sure. Yes, something happened. He tried to apologize and I more or less told him no. No, nothing happened because I disregarded everything he was going to possibly say.

"I slipped the other night in the atrium and he was trying to help me, but earlier, any time I tried to talk to him it was like I was wasting his time. So I told him to stop pretending he cared about me. I went home- in pain and he ended up showing up and massaging my back until it felt better and then we started arguing and fighting and I told him if I ever questioned his feelings for me it's because of his actions."

"Okay and then what happened?"

"Then yesterday he barges into my office before I left for the tv studio and demanded I not do the show because my career would be over and when I asked him why I would pull my punches, he said he couldn't do this without me and that he wasn't over the accident. I basically told him I was here for him but not if it meant I stop treating my patient. I did the show and he had Ron drop me at Daphne's because he bought me coffee and dinner- which I didn't eat because he was about to apologize and said he couldn't stop thinking about how I said it felt like he never loved me. Before he could go any further into what I assume was a well thought out speech about how he needs me and wants me and he's sorry- the usual bullshit- I told him I couldn't do it and I left him there." When I'm done telling her, she looks at me as if I'm insane and then laughs.

"Wow! I didn't know you had it in you to walk away from Max." Her pompous attitude strikes a chord in me and I feel like an idiot. And idiot who always falls for the same stupid lines and actions and Lauren knows it.

"I was away from him for four months. It isn't hard..."

"Yeah, okay. Then why do you desperately try to get his attention every time he walks in the room?" My mouth drops. I certainly don't do that. Do I? "Based on that look, I can tell you're unaware of your actions."

"I don't seek his attention."

"Bullshit! I've seen you trying to edge closer to him- put yourself in positions where he'll have to go by you or go out of your way to ask him some futile question you already know the answer too. Admit it- you still love Max."

I have been trying to deny that statement for the last four months. When I came back, I thought I could follow through with my mantra. I guess subconsciously, I am not over Max yet, but is that necessarily a bad thing? If he would change how he views me, and move passed me leaving him- could he possibly still love me?"

"Helen, it's hard not to love someone who brought you back to life. Someone who has been with you through awful times- where you didn't think you'd make it. But keep in mind how he's been treating you. Grieving or not- he still left you for Georgia. He manipulates you with his feelings- with your feelings. Max is great guy- but he's still just that: a guy." After peeing in her cup, she hands it to me and I take it while she wipes and pulls up her underpants and scrub bottoms. Capping the specimen, I look at it in my gloved hand and sigh heavily.