I Don't Understand you ||Tsukishima Kei Story

Sex talk pt.2

Y/n's pov

Kuroo Tetsuro edition

"So Tetsu, why don't we just skip over the sex talk, and go do some science," I say. "Won't that just be fun?"

"Nope, I've been waiting for this," he says. "I've done so much research."

"Oh lovely, I can't wait," I say sarcastically.

"I get to talk about the science behind sex," he smiles. "It's gonna be great."

"The two primary hormones that appear in sex are oxytocin and vasopressin. Oxytocin is commonly referred to as the cuddle hormone and just like dopamine, it is released during sex. Oxytocin is produced by the hypothalamus, and it's released in large quantities," he says. "Are you following?"

"I'm not stupid, I know how hormones and stuff work," I say.

"Did you know that people with different levels of SES, SIS1 and SIS2 will respond differently to different kinds of stimuli?" he asks. "I thought that that was pretty cool."

"Tetsuro, did you really get assigned the science part of sex, or are you just using this chance to nerd out?" I ask.

"I'm supposed to talk about the appropriate time and place to have sex," he says. "But that seems boring."

"Then just get it over with," I say. " brought some of Sakusa's toxic cleaning chemicals, so we can mess around with them later."

"So apparently you aren't supposed to have sex in public places, like school, trains, and shopping malls," he says. "Especially trains."

"Noted," I nod my head.

"Don't have sex in strangers' rooms unless you are given permission, and... yeah, maybe don't do it in the living room," he shrugs.

"Too late," I say.

"Oh... I was not informed that you and Tsuki have done the deed," he says. "I knew I should've checked the brother's group chat."

"You guys talk about my sex in?" I ask.

"Oh yeah, all the time," he says as he swipes his finger on his phone screen. "We also send photos we get of you."

"That's kinda creepy," I say. "So are we done with the sex talk?"

"Yeah, now let's go make some barely legal gasses," he smiles.

Bokuto Koutarou edition

"Okay, so Akaashi helped me make this PowerPoint for you, we even added cool effects," he smiles. "Um, we put birds and bees but if I'm being honest I don't know what they have to do with sex."

"So what subject are you supposed to be tackling?" I ask.

"Sex myths, I think," he says as he opens up his laptop. "Yeah, sex myths."

"Number one, Using Coca-Cola as an after-sex douche will prevent pregnancy. This is false," he says. "You should not do this."

"Why-how, what even is this?" I ask.

"It's true, people think this works. Don't do this, okay? Uh, number two, Semen makes your teeth significantly whiter by reducing plaque and tartar," he says. "Um don't think this, you would need like a lot of semen to do this, and uh yeah."

"This is common sense," I say. "I don't need to talk about this crap."

"I world very hard on this, look at the little bee," he points to it. "It even has little shoes."

"Oh my god, it has shoes?!" I gasp. "Please, carry on Kou."

"Now time for pregnancy myths," he says excitedly. "You can get pregnant if, you have sex standing up, if you're young, you are on your period, if you have sex in a hot tub, and you can get pregnant during your first time. Oh, and birth control is not one-hundred percent... workable?"

"Yeah I know," I nod my head. "Thank you very much, this was very informative."

"And Sakusa says that men are trash, so yeah they are trash. Oh and Tsukishima does have the stamina, I remember training with him. Make him do the work, because... Because we only promote queen behaviour," he says. "Oh, and be clean."

"Okay, I got it," I say.

"Now that we are done, Ushijima said me and you could have a sleepover, so we gotta go get ice cream," he smiles. "This is gonna be so much fun."

Oikawa Toru edition

"I've actually had sex with a girl before," Oikawa nods his head. "But it wasn't that fun, so I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to tell you."

"Well, what topic did they give you?" I ask.

"I think it was something about like foreign objects," he says. "Or maybe it was sexual arousal."

"Foreign objects?" I question.

"Or maybe it was porn, oh yeah don't make sex tapes until you're eighteen," he says. "Oh and if you want to have sex just exist, men are whores and they'll rail you if you want."

"What. The. Fuck?"

"If it's not made to be inside ou then it probably shouldn't," he says. "Uhh, clear your browser after you watch porn, condoms are good. And it's okay to be a slut."

"Define slut," I say.

"Honestly, I don't even know. Oh and if he's not treating you like a queen, then boy bye," he says. "Did you know that Iwa-chan is really nice, I'm not supposed to tell anyone buts he's really sweet. So if Mr. salty is still a bitch to you when you're vulnerable then you should leave him, you are better than him on every level."

"Don't worry, he's really nice. But don't tell him I told you, he might get triggered," I say.

"Oh and you definitely don't want a short dick man or a big horse dick," he says. "Aint nobody tryna die here. Oh yeah, I would not recommend getting any sex advice from Matsu, Bunny, and Maki. You might end up in some orgy, or on an illegal website."

"Oh yeah, I wasn't planning on it," I say. "I value my ability to walk."

"Perfect," he claps his hands together. "Now we better leave if we are going to me on time for the nail appointments I scheduled."

"I think this is the best sex talk I got," I say.

"Yeah because I'm a bottom bitch," he says. "We have the knowledge."

"Rip to everybody else," I laugh.

Boom, done.

-Crouton