I Don't Understand you ||Tsukishima Kei Story

I hate Christmas more than I hate Kageyama

Y/n's pov

"Oh Y/n, what a lovely surprise," Akina says. "You are looking quite lovely."

"Thank you," I smile.

Bunny and Toru deserve an award, they have de-crusted me and now I am so swag.

"Kei's upstairs right?" I ask.

"Of course, he also gets so talkative before you come over too," she laughs. "But he probably doesn't want me embarrassing me."

"Oh it's fine, he embarrasses himself all the time," I say.

All he has to do is be seen with me in public, I'm sure that'll do the trick.

"Well, I'll be upstairs," I say. "See you."

"You have fun dear," she says.

No Y/n, you can't make dirty jokes with your boyfriend's mother, that is not what we are gonna do. We have some value for our reputation, don't screw it up.

"Kei," I knock on his door. "You got your socks on?"

"God just come in," he says.

"Hey no need to get salty, I'm just giving you time to hide any sus things you may have in there," I say. "For all, I know you could be wearing on zoom with your sugar daddy."

"I do not have a sugar daddy," he says as he opens the door. "What are you wearing?"

"I'm a bad bitch now, you better get on my level if you don't want me to leave you in my dust," I say.

"What like this?" he asks crouching down. "Maybe grow a few inches to get on mine."

"If I grew anymore then I'd have to break up with you because I'd be too hot," I say. "Then I'd have no choice but to date myself."

"Your ego is awfully inflated today," he says.

"Yeah, that because I got new clothes and these pants make my ass look huge," I say. "Toru could never."

"Its cold outside did you even wear a jacket?" he asks.

"Nah," I plop down on his bed, turning myself into a burrito. "A hoe never gets cold, until they get inside."

"I should've expected that'd I'd be losing some brain cells when you said you were coming over," he mutters.

"Now, you turn yourself into an eboy and I will watch respectively," I say. "Or you can go into the bathroom so you can hide your cheese string man body."

"I do not have a cheese string man body," he says.

"Hey, I never said that the cheese string man wasn't hot," I say.

"You think the cheese string man is hot?"

"You said it, not me."

-

"Kei, this is your new uniform," I say. "There's no other option here."

"I am not wearing this every day," he says.

"Well, what do you think of it?" I ask.

"Guess it's fine," he shrugs.

"Great so it's settled, you'll be my eboy boyfriend and I'll be your y2k girlfriend," I say. "But only one day out of the week because this was too much work."

"Where did you buy these jeans?" he asks.

"Why? You like them?" I ask. "Are they now your favourite pair of pants?"

"I just want to know where they're from," he says.

"We went to a thrift store, but don't worry we washed them first," I say. "I bet you wanna marry those pants, I mean I wanna marry those pants. They make your knee caps look absolutely scrumptious."

"What's wrong with you?" he questions.

"I put my dick in a bag of Doritos," I say.

"Cool ranch or nacho cheese?" he asks.

"Sweet chilli heat, I was feeling a little risky today," I say. "I think I know how peaches feels now, itching and burning."

"I don't understand you," he says.

"Haven't heard that one in a while," I laugh. "Anyway, I haven't had one nap today. You know what that means?"

"You're going to fall asleep and I'm going to sell you to a drug cartel," he says.

"Been there done that and got the promotion. Are you forgetting that I work for Marigold? There's no way she can afford to keep that cafe up and always have nice shit without another job," I say. "Y'know she said that she's gonna add me to her will, so like in sixty years when she's dead. She said that I could get some new tits with that kinda money."

"You want a boob job?" Kei asks.

"Nah, I want a giant beanbag, and I mean huge," I say. "Like really big, so big that your legs won't hand off of the side."

"Why a bean bag?" he asks.

"Because I'm built different," I say. "Now, are you going to put on Shrek or something else?"

"We've seen all the Shrek movies at least nine times this week," he says.

"So we're watching Shrek right?" I ask.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Of course we're watching Shrek."

It is currently December 6th, 2020, 2:42 am.

-Crouton