"I feel like I'm going in circles. Like I'm stuck in a cycle and I can't seem to claw my way out of. It's feels like when I found my religion again I started grieving. Like all the things I've ever held in and ignored through others things are finally spilling out of me. It's something I need: to grieve but it's also scary because I've always ignored things for so long and lived with this self-loathing, ice hardening mask that it became a part of me. It isn't who I want to be though. I was heading down a soul damning path. Turning into someone I feared deep inside: Someone unworthy of love, being hugged gently by my parents -both earth and heaven one - Someone that deserved to rot in hell because Heaven is too good for me. I was worse than others. I felt numb, like no one else's sin compared to mines. Conceited huh? But it was like...God used that feeling - that fear I had of the end coming and going to hell - to bring me back to him. "
115 parts