138. beautiful goodbye (song preference)

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this is from frczenheart-blog on tumblr! enjoy :)

beautiful goodbye - maroon 5

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calum
let them go, let them fly
holding back won't turn back time

"Calum, I-I have something to say.." You stutter, your hands fidgeting, as you look everywhere but his eyes, nervous about what you were planning to say. "What is it Y/N? Is there something wrong?" Calum replied, his joyful tone replaced by concern. You simply sighed, your nerves tied into knots. You have been debating whether to tell your best friend about your feelings for him or not. You knew you loved him and as much as you tried getting all romantic feelings out of your system, you just can't seem to. You knew telling him could either make or break this relationship you had with Calum, no in between. But your feelings for him had been eating you until you can't cope with them anymore. You just had to tell him. But now, as he stood right in front of you, questioning your weird behavior, you don't know how to word it. "I think it's time I tell you that I uh.. I like..." You said nervously, finally looking up into Calum's eyes, which were filled with worry and wonder. "Pizza. Yeah. I like pizza." You said, trying to get out of the awkward situation. He just laughed, not buying it. "Seriously, Y/N. I know that's not what you wanted to say." He said with a small smirk. "Fine, you got me." You smiled as you raised your arms in surrender. "Then what is it?" You sighed, bowing your head shyly, before admitting the truth, "I like you, Calum." "Aww thanks Y/N I like you too." He said with a smile. He definitely interpreted your affection as friendly and not romantic. "No, Cal. I mean, I really like you. In fact, I think I love you." You said, looking up at him and waiting for his response. He simply blinked before bursting into laughter. You stared at him in confusion. "Real funny, Y/N." He exclaimed. Did Calum really think you were joking? "Haha, yeah." You replied sarcastically, feeling your heart slowly breaking. You couldn't understand why you would tell him about it in the first place. You were just his best friend. Nothing more. You bit the inside of your cheek in hopes that he wouldn't notice your pain. But as he looked into your eyes, he noticed. "Well I gotta get going. I have tons of work to do." You said with a smile, making a lame excuse to leave. "Y/N I-" Calum started, trying to apologize. But you didn't let him. "It's okay, Cal. No harm done." You cut him short, heading for the door. You didn't need his apologies, anyways. You knew it wouldn't make a difference.

luke
all the pain you try to hide
shows through your mascara lines

You felt like trash. You've been crying for days. You wanted to stay strong for both yourself and Luke, but all of the pain finally got to you. You just couldn't take it anymore. It was hard having Luke leave for tour every time, but the hate you get online makes everything worse. Luke doesn't know about it though, because you've never told him. You knew he loved the fans, and you didn't want to ruin that for him. You sighed, closing your eyes, trying to clear your mind. You start thinking of Luke and those moments the two of you shared. You smile just remembering all those happy and fun times. All those precious memories. But then the hateful comments spread around social media begin to creep back into your mind. You didn't quite understand how people could hate you like that. You were Luke's girlfriend, what's so wrong about that? All the fan rejection was beginning to get to you again. A tear stained your cheeks as you quietly began to sob. 'Luke could have done better', 'you're not good enough for him', 'You're just dating him for popularity'. As much as you knew they weren't true, you just couldn't help but feel your heart breaking into a million pieces. You simply lay in your shared bed, eyes shut tight as tears spilled onto your pillow. You tried with everything you have to push away those thoughts, but you couldn't do it. You needed Luke to do it, but unfortunately for you he wasn't there. You knew well if Luke was there with you, you wouldn't even be crying for days. Because if he were there with you, you'd only be thinking about how lucky you are to have him and how much you love him. "Surprise!" You heard the familiar voice and opened your eyes in shock. Luke wasn't supposed to be home until next week. You tried wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater so he wouldn't notice that you've been crying, but it was no use, because you knew that your eyes were red and puffy by now. So you simply sat up and slowly looked up at him standing at the door of your shared bedroom, giving him a weak smile as a welcome back greeting. You noticed the change in his demeanor, which made your heart sink. "Have you been crying, Y/N? W-What's wrong?" Luke's expression immediately changed from happy to worried, and you knew it was time for him to know anyways.

ashton
when did the rain become a storm?
when did the clouds begin to form?

"God Y/N stop being so petty." Ashton groaned, irritation in his voice, as he ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe you should stop being so insensitive." You remarked under your breath, full of anger. You don't even know how your fights start anymore, they just do. And sometimes, even the simplest of things turn into the worst quarrels. "How am I being insensitive?!" Ashton screamed at you. "Maybe you should listen to me for once." "Oh maybe I should, Ash. Or maybe we could just break up!" You screamed. You were actually taken aback by this, wondering how you just said that involuntarily. But as you continue to dwell on the idea, you begin to agree with it. You and Ashton did seem to slowly drift away from being madly in love. "What do you mean?" Ashton exclaimed, his gaze meeting yours, sounding alarmed, his eyes wide in shock. "You want to break up?" "Look, I just can't take it anymore," You sighed. "Every time we see each other we fight to the point we just can't look at each other without anger or hatred. This relationship... I don't know where it's heading." "What are you talking about, Y/N?" Ashton asked, a hint of bewilderment in his voice. "You know I love you.." As much as you wanted to believe it, you didn't know if it were as true as you wish it was. He probably feels the same as you do, that love was just a memory. And besides, you knew that if you didn't end it between you two any sooner, your relationship and endless fights would just grow worse. You've lost the chemistry that held you two close. And you knew there's no way of reviving it. "Do you really, Ashton?" You said, your voice cracking slightly. "Do you really still love me?" Ashton just looked at you, the anger that filled his eyes earlier now replaced by pain. He opened his mouth slightly, about to respond, but ended up shutting it closed again before bowing his head slightly and biting his lip. With this you simply sighed, walking towards your shared bedroom. "W-What are you doing?" Ashton asked quietly, watching you intently as you neared the bedroom door. "Packing my stuff. Just give me a day and I'll be out of this house, without a trace."

michael
i count the ways I let you down,
on my fingers and toes but i'm running out

"Look, Y/N, I'm so sorry, okay?" Michael begged hoarsely. "I know I messed up and I don't know how to make up for it."As much as you wanted to forgive Michael for his mistakes, you just couldn't risk getting hurt again. He crossed the line so many times, and you forgave him so many times. It was like an endless loop of 'i'm sorry' and 'it's okay' between the two of you. You weren't sure which hurt more: forgiving him - just to have him let you down again - or letting him go. You knew that as much as you loved him, it would probably be better for the both of you to just split. "You're an idiot, Clifford. What made you think I'd forgive you again?" You replied, letting a bit of your anger out. "But Y/N, I can learn to change. Please." He replied, his voice cracking ever so slightly. He sounded so hurt and hearing him this way pained you as much. It immediately dissolved your anger for him, but you knew it wouldn't do any better if you forgave him once more. "Sorry Michael, I gave you so many chances, but you keep letting me down." You said, finally ending it between you two, sounding more sympathetic than angry. You looked at his eyes, full of hurt, and wanted so badly to hug him and see him smile. But you couldn't. "But Y/N.." He spoke, his voice sounded like he was suffocated, his eyes filled with tears preparing to fall. You bit the inside of your cheek, your heart telling you to take back your words but your mind telling you to end it. You didn't know which one was right. You didn't know which one to follow. You simply sighed, taking a look at Michael, remembering every bit of happiness you two had shared. Remembering how he made you smile every time. But you also remembered every mistake he made, and every time you forgave him just to get hurt again. You looked down at your feet, before meeting his eyes. You've finally made the decision, even though it made your heart feel heavy. It's for the sake of your own happiness, you tell yourself. "No, Michael. You crossed too many lines. This was the last straw."

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