Scarlett Scars (Stray Kids FF)

Chapter 32

Pov: Chu Scarlett

After successfully getting rid of Lily, I heaved an elongated sigh.

I drained all my energy trying to keep up my act.
I'm terribly exhausted, be it mentally or physically.

Being on the brink of death made me do unthinkable things yesterday night.

I can't believe I asked Chan to stay.
I let him see my teary face.
I rested my head on his lap.
I made him give me a bear hug.
The damage is almost irreversible.

I heard a soft creak, and my eyes landed on Chan who slowly entered the room.

Go away. I need to be alone. Please, please, please, just give me some space.

"How are you?" he asked.

I'm not okay.

"Chan, you.." I stopped as he sat next to me again, looking at me concernedly. "I'm fine, you know," I said when I saw the worry on his face, trying my best to sound annoyed.

I'm deeply touched by what he did last night. The truth of the matter is that I was relentlessly drowning in self-loathing. My thoughts were so loud that I couldn't even hear my uneven breaths or constant whimpering. That's until I felt my bed dip down and his weight approach me. I realized how loud my cries were. I was hyperventilating and my heartbeat was elevating at a preposterous pace.

Remembering my past was scary.
Thinking of the future was scary.
Everything was scary.

I was so thankful for his arrival.

He doesn't even know what he pulled me out of. I was terrified that he'd leave. What if all the screaming wouldn't stay in my head anymore?

And now I feel guilty for being so selfish. He stayed up all night even though he had work to do. How has he not collapsed yet?

I'm too tired to put up a front.

"Thank you," I said, making him smile, but the rest of my sentence caused his eyebrows to furrow. "And I'm sorry, Chan. I heard that you cried when I almost died, and yesterday, I-"

"Okay, stop. Not with this again." He looked at me angrily and got up. "When you disappeared, everyone was sad. It's normal. I want to be sad when my bodyguards are badly injured. I also call agent Pak and ask him about his recovery from time to time." And that's another person I need to apologize to when I'm in a better mental state. "Also, we're not strangers anymore, right? I should be allowed to help without you feeling the need to thank or apologize to me."

"But you're an idol.. Your sleep is important."

I looked up at his standing figure, and he sat down, holding my hands and talking very slowly as if he was speaking to a toddler. He even made hand gestures of the words he was uttering, emphasizing the fact that he'd repeated himself too many times for me to still not get it. "And I will sleep very soundly tonight, knowing that I was of help yesterday. I didn't even do anything. We just sat on your bed." He waved his hand from side to side, as if erasing the memories of me crying and hitting him.

"Is there anything I can help you with? I want to do something at least." I rested my chin on my hands, my elbows on my crossed legs.

"Yes. There's something very important that you can do for me." His eyes sparkled.

"And what is that?"