The Baby Arrangement

Chapter 48: Denial

Chapter 48: Denial

Pacing the family room, Daryl has been trying to call Beth all night, while Merle went out to find her. Daryl hates himself beyond compare. Twisting insides and pounding head, he didn't mean to say that. He's never mean to call Beth any of those things because he loves her too much. He was just angry and couldn't stop the flow of his own self loathing. Kensi whimpers on her blanket on the floor and Daryl picks her up.

"I'm sorry, baby girl...I messed up. I messed up big time." The child lays her head on his chest and holds onto his shirt collar as he sways back and forth.

"Still not picking up?" Carol asks as she comes in from the kitchen.

"I don't blame her...I was terrible to her and now she's gone. I tried calling home and her cell. Called Rick to keep an eye out for her and anyone else I could think of....huh, I'm so stupid." He sits on the couch and Kensi lays against his chest with a yawn.

"Daryl, we all say things that hurt other people. Merle and I have gone through it ourselves. After Sophia died, I fought with him and told him it was his fault she died...it was terrible of me an I never thought I deserve red him after that...it took a while, but he forgave me. Beth will forgive you too."

"How do you know?"

"A wise woman once said, When you care about people, hurt is part of the package. She cares about you and you her...she'll forgive ya, if she really loves ya. If she doesn't...well, then ya gotta live with that and pray it doesn't kill ya." Sitting in an arm chair, Carol takes the phone and calls Merle. "Find her yet?...Okay...Yep...I'll let him know...Love you too. Bye."

Looking up at her, she shakes her head no and Daryl sighs and looks down at the baby in his grasp.

"I love you sweet pea."

They fall asleep on the couch after hours upon hours of searching and calling. It isn't until the early morning that Daryl hears the front door creak open and finds Beth standing in front of the fireplace, dripping wet and staring at him.

"Jesus Christ..." He holds his chest and then checks Kensi, who's still sleeping. "Beth, I'm so sorry about what I said and...shit, why are you all wet?"

"My car hit ice and I went off the bridge..." She starts to cry and turns to face the roaring fire and hide her tears. Laying Kensi quickly, but gently in her pop up crib, Daryl goes to Beth and can feel her freezing temperatures a foot off of her. He sees her shaking and does the only survival thing he can think of- stripping her down to nothing.

"Beth, we gotta get you out of those wet clothes." He tries not to sound panicked, but it comes through perfectly. She's shaking and crying as he strips her down and crabs the thick fleece comforter Carol gave him last night and wraps it around her tightly before sitting in front of the fire and pulling her close to his body.

"I was driving around...and I was lost...my breaks weren't working and I hit the black ice..." She stammers from the cold body temperature. "I was sinking fast and almost have up...fighting to get out...it would've been best..."

"Beth no." He starts to cry and she continues through shaking body and chattering teeth.

"But I got out....and I found my way back...I lost my phone and purse....and in pretty sure... My insurance doesn't cover...water damage." He tries not to laugh, but releases a small chuckle as he scoots closer to the fire.

"Beth, I love you baby...I didn't mean anything I said, I need you to know that. I was just angry and stupid." He rubs his hands up and down her cold body and and feels her frozen hair melting a bit. "I was worried sick."

She doesn't say anything, but looks up at him with dull blue eyes. They soon close and he lets a few more tears fall from his eyes as she rocks her back and forth.

Eventually getting more blankets from the cabinet and laying her in a big heap on the couch, Daryl sits on the floor and watches over her as he holds her cold hand in his. All he can see of her is her nose and eyes and finally some color other than blue on her face. At a stir of Kensi, Daryl quietly gets up and holds the child close as he stands by the window, watching snowflakes fall from the sky on the barely lit landscape. The grandfather clock strikes 7:30 and Daryl realizes he's been up more than half the night watching Beth. He's tired, but refuses to sleep until he knows she's okay.

"Hey sweet pea...Shhh, Mommy's okay...I got you baby. I got you." he quietly speaks to the little girl and Beth's eyes soon watch him away around the room in sweatpants and a white t-shirt. "Mommy's gonna be just fine, Kensi Marie...I was so worried I lost her...I love her too much for that to happen..."

As she watches him and listens to his honest words, tears stream down her face and burn them like sparks from the fire.

"Yer so beautiful... just like yer mother...I love you both. I love you more than anything, I love her more than anything...she needs to know that.

"I do." Her scratchy voice rings through the silent room and he turns at the sound of her awake. Going to her, a Daryl bounce Kensi and sits beside Beth on the couch, as she props herself up against the pillows.

"Beth, I'm..." She cuts him off.

"I know...I am too. Let's just pretend it never happened."

"Anything you want..."

"No. What we want. Daryl you were right...I am self centered. I never asked you a single time what you wanted from me. And that is wrong of me." She pauses and readjusts some blankets. "So...what do you want?"

"You."