The Baby Arrangement

Chapter 115: Acceptance

This pain is over.
This pain is gone.
Where one story ends.
Another has begun.

With shallow breaths.
Like lapping ocean waves.
With soft gentle eye flutters.
Like butterflies landing on flowers.

God gives a life.
God takes another.
God punishes a sinner.
God rewards the faithful.

In the end.
Will anyone be prepared.
In case.
They have to say.
Goodbye?

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Laying her head on the edge of the empty bed, her tears soak the sheets. In all the years and through all the pain, she never imagined she'd feel this terrible. With all the horrible words she's yelled, all the fights, the final moment of walking away, Beth never expected to here the final words of the doctor.

We did all we could.

How she wishes she could take back those horrible words and see those distantly familar blue eyes that went cloudy grey and then just disappeared from this Earth. The light seems dull. The world seems broken. She seems so small. Why was she terrible? Had she kept her angered words to herself, maybe the outcome would have been different, but you can't change what you say. It's not an etcha-sketch our world. You can't just shake away the terrible and morose things. You can't erase who hears them.

As the pain sinks heavier in her chest, Beth just shakes at the fact that the most inportant person in her life, isn't coming back.

What had she done prior to this moment of reality? How did she miss what was right in front of her face? She was absent. Oblivious. She was naive. A child.

How do you deal with death, when you've never experienced it before? How do you go from seeing them one moment to erasing them from your life completely? It's not easy. It's so fucking hard that you feel like you're drowning in your own tears. And the tears. They never stop. Once you think you've over come them, they just come back. They always come back. Unlike the dead. They don't come back. They never come back. For Beth, just losing a chicken on the farm or a cow was torture enough, but losing family? That's a death sentence.

Wiping her eyes, she looks at the empty bed that wasn't vacant moments ago. The sheets are still warm. The air still has the familar smell or strawberries. It sucks. It sucks so much that there is no words. How can there be words for something so tragic? The breath in her lungs just evaporates. It's gone. As if it never existed, like they never existed.

The first time Beth ever said 'I hate you', was the day Shawn left with his teenage girlfriend he got pregnant. She looked at him and screamed and yelled- saying he was irresponsible for leaving his family for some whore. Shawn said nothing. He didn't even seem shocked. Then again, he was different after meeting that girl.

I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I'm sorry for what I said. Please just come back. Come back....please.

Why had she said it? Why had she flipped out. The situation couldn't have been changed no matter what. Yet she said it and now...now she'll never feel that comfort ever again. She never see that smile she loves so much. Never look into those blue eyes for strength. She'll never get to say 'I love you' ever again. She'll never get to take all those terrible words back.

"Beth...it's time we go." Hershel sadly says. He has no strength left. How could he? His life is forever changed. As Beth slowly stands up, she takes the wedding ring off the pillow and puts it on her necklace. Taking her father's hand, they walk down the hallway, where Maggie is sobbing and Otis and Patricia are consoling her. It's the hardest day of their lives. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do. It's like closing the story book before you know the ending or what happened. Where are the details? Thr details? The details. Details to fill the space and give you time to understand what just happened. It saves the story. The plot. The plot can change rapidly if the tinest detail is out of place or forgotten.

Why weren't they given more time? More details? How did they miss such a huge part of the story? How could it be hidden? How can they just accept the fact that they are walking out of this hospital? How can they accept that this is the end of the longest story they've ever known? They're journey is over? The curtain has fallen?

How can this be that they leave as though nothing terrible happened?

"Let's go home. It's been a long day." Maggie sniffs and wipes her eyes as she lays her head on her sister's shoulder.

"No. Dad...dad, can we go to the botanical garden...please?" Beth sweetly asks as she blows her nose.

"To say goodbye?" Hershel asks with tears in his eyes.

"To say I'm sorry."

As he drives to the gardens, they all sit and feel hollow. A fragment of them missing. More than a fragment- a gaping hole. When they get there, they let Beth out and she goes inside. Walking along the path, Beth goes to the far back by the waterfall. Getting on her knees, she looks at a statue of a women and her children sitting on a bench. Taking a deep breath, Beth reads the plaque and cries harder than before.

"I'm sorry Mom....I'm sorry."

A mother's heart is filled with her children- Annette Greene

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Dear Readers,

Sorry for the suspense amd pitfall. I couldn't just give ya what you expected. Tune in later for Daryl's status.

Love,
Almy Rose

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