Love Chase

45 - It's Okay Not to be Okay

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Waking up from his rest, Jonathan groaned in displeasure as he remembered what had happened before he was forcefully injected with sedatives.

"Remi~" Jonathan softly called as he covered his eyes which had quickly become hot and soon, tears started streaming down. He tried to close his eyes in hopes to stop it while sobbing silently. But sadly, it did not help in stopping the hot and salty liquid from flowing nonstop.

"I'm sorry, Remi~," Jonathan said again, bawling silently. When he woke up earlier, he genuinely believed Margarette had been lying but now, he believed it. Remi had died, just like that. They weren't able to fix their problem and she left with a broken heart. It had been his wishful thinking that he and Remi were going to fix their relationship. But that day, the day of the accident, when Remi had called him and asked for them to talk. He knew then that the Beta had wanted to end their relationship. However, that never came to pass, ...because of the accident. He could have avoided it, but he was preoccupied thinking of their inevitable breakup. If only at that time he had chosen to focus his mind on his driving, ...then none of this would have happened.

Now, all he has is pain, ...and regrets. Even though it was only for a short time, he had truly loved Remi. He had cherished her and genuinely thought of a future with her, but he'd ruined all of that. Now, it felt like he didn't even deserve to cry for her death. He'd betrayed and hurt her, ...and there was nothing he could do to redeem himself.

"Remi's gone,... we both need to accept that..." a sudden voice said from within the room, surprising Jonathan. His close eyes opened suddenly and scanned the room where he found Fyre next to his bed, faintly smiling at him. He hadn't noticed anyone in the room when he woke up. But now that he sees the Omega, all he could feel was guilt and regret. Yes, he liked Fyre, ...even more than as a friend but, he didn't deserve him. It was not like he was ever going to pursue his feelings, but at that time, when he'd kissed him, ...he didn't know what had possessed him to do that. He knew it was wrong but he'd still done it, ...and regretted it.

"Fyre..." Jonathan called, his tears continuing to flow in sorrow. "I'm sorry... I couldn't protect your sister... I couldn't protect Remi. This was all my fault... If only... If only I'd paid more attention..." Jonathan said between his painful sobs but was not able to finish his words, making Fyre sigh. Truthfully, not once had he blamed Jonathan. Even though he had been upset with the Alpha for the longest time, he hadn't blamed him one bit because he knew that none of them had wanted this to happen. He also knew that the Alpha might blame himself, just like how he'd blamed himself for not being there for Remi sooner.

"Jonathan, I hated you in the beginning, ...but now you have become my friend. I want to tell you that I never once blamed you for any of this... I know I'm not in the position to tell you to not blame yourself because I also blame myself but Jonathan, ...what happened was an accident. None of us wanted any of this to happen. It's painful to know that Remi is no longer with us, but I'm glad that at least you survived." Fyre said with watery eyes as he tried to act braver. He didn't want to cry when he was trying to comfort someone. Besides, his words were not only directed to Jonathan, but also to himself. He was genuinely happy to know that his friend had finally woken up. At first, in his despair, he'd questioned why only Remi had to die, but now he had realized that he should be thankful that the Alpha hadn't died as well.

"T-Thank you, Fyre... But I still can't help but think that I should have been the one who died. I've caused Remi too much pain, she didn't deserve this." Jonathan sobbed. In his mind, he'd hurt Remi so he should have been the one who'd died. He didn't deserve to live!

"Don't fucking say that! Yes, it's true that Remi didn't deserve any of this but Remi wouldn't have wanted for you to die either! I know all of this is fucked up, but we have to move on! ...Jonathan, I'm also not okay. I cried every fucking day and night, not being able to accept her death. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I blamed myself for not being able to protect her properly. Not being able to be with her sooner, but I came here to see you because I knew you'd feel much worse than I do. You are the only other person who made Remi feel special. You cherished and loved her. You made her happy... so I won't allow you to ruin yourself because of this. We're not okay now, but that's okay. I know someday we will be able to accept all of this..." Fyre yelled emotionally, while also crying. His message dug deep in his own heart as he said all those words to the Alpha. Jonathan was Remi's special someone. He couldn't sit by and allow for any of this to ruin him, because he knew that Remi wouldn't want that.