Baddies of the BAU
Hotch: Who took the fucking jet???
Y/n: nah what💀😭 honey what's going on?
Emily: HONEY??🤨
JJ: wait the jet??!
Y/n: my bet is on Reid idk he's at his breaking point it makes sense 🙄🙄🙄
Emily: nah he'd fr do it and then crash that shit into some poor persons house 💀😭😭
Rossi: I don't know. The kid can barely drive a car let alone a jet
Reid: What's going on?
Hotch: Derek fucking Morgan.
Emily: oh my god of course it was him he's gonna crash into a strip club and like explode goddamnit🙀 💋 fuck
Y/n: No it can't explode!!! What about the strippers????? Women!> 😱😱😱😱😱
Hotch: I'm so fired.
Y/n: not on my watch I'll simply murder Strauss 🔪🔪😋
Emily: me too bae
Emily: plus why should you get fired for baldymcbaldhead and his actions?? 🥦
Hotch: bestie I'm his boss..
Emily: OMG TRUE NO DEREK COME BAVK WHAT THE FU K😱😱😱😱😱
Garcia: How do we know he stole it? Would he really go that far? :(
Hotch: Well for one, the jet is missing secondly, he's missing
Y/n: ugh when he profiles the simplest shit🥴🥴🥴 FUCK
Emily: derek leaves and you take over😔😔
Y/n: ofc someone has to do it
Hotch: Strauss is calling me oh lord no please
Emily: wait no Derek just texted me it couldn't have been him hol up
Garcia: offended he didn't text the gc or me 💔
Hotch: I sent her to voice-mail:)
Y/n: GOOD IT ISNT HER BUSINESS WE ARE FIXING IT 😊😊🤗🤗🤗
Emily: NAH WHYD THIS MOTHERFUCKER SEND ME A PHOTO OF HIS PILOTING THE JET??? HELLO???
Emily: [photo attached] WITH A TEXT AFTER IT SAYING "living my dreams don't hate my nuts and I because we're higher than you'll ever be😱👍🏾😹😹😏" IM DEAD. GONE. FAKING MY DEATH AGAIN GOODNIGHT 💀⚰
Hotch: what the fuck.
Rossi: I'm impressed he hotwired the jet.
Hotch: actually what the fuck.
Emily: No bc that's actually crazy what the fuck? Where is he even going to bro?? Baldville???😭💀💀💋
Y/n: BALDVILLE HELP💀 MR CLEAN FR FLYING THE BAU JET THROUGH VIRGINIA RN 😳 PROPS TO HIM FR
JJ: I'm somehow not shocked??
Hotch: I am so fucked.
Emily: shh hotch we can't focus on Derek's intelligence while you have a crisis 🙄🙄 be more considerate and supportive gosh🥲
Y/n: wtf is Strauss gonna do anyways I'm sure he'll return it
Hotch: Derek does not know how to fly a jet I don't think he's returning ever
Reid: What?
Y/n: Stop you're scaring Reid 🙄🙄 Derek's built diffy he'll figure it out
Emily: we're really gonna turn on the news later n the reporter is just gonna "Earlier this evening a jet crashed into a strip club, killing 3 strippers and injuring one. One claims the bald man driving the jet stated 'he just wanted to see some titties' before he too, tragically passed away" 😊😊
Hotch: he would
Derek: YALL OUT HERE PLOTTING ON MY DOWNFALL??? MANNNNNN YOU AINT GETTING RID OF ME THAT EASY SHESSHHHH IM IN THE ELEVATOR R N. 💋💋💋💋💋
Rossi: Are you alright and is the jet in one piece?
Hotch: I'm in shock.
Y/n: PURRR I TOLD YOUUUY GO DEREK GO🥰🥰
Derek: thanks bestie boo bae y/n the only real one around here yall mid🙊😵🥺🥺
Derek: also the jet is safe and sound we're I found it💖💖
Emily: Why is Hotch crying?
Y/n: mannnnn lemme go talk to Mr sexy rq he's in his feels 💔😔
Derek: ugh lemme join 🥴🥴
Hotch: literally was planning what I was gonna day at your funeral
Derek: HeELP???🤨🧐 BITCH I CANT DIE ITS NOT POSSIBLE🙀🙀💋💖
JJ: still not shocked that you stole the damn jet smh do better Morgan
Derek: you're right I apologize that was really immature of me
Derek: next time I'll steal a tank from a military base
Hotch: oh my fucking god.
YOU ARE READING
BAU groupchat + Reader
Fanfictionhow I think the BAU team would text eachother except you're also on the team dealing with their antics Some stuff is out of character and I exaggerated their personalities for comedic value, enjoy!
