𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 [𝐑. 𝐋𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐧]

𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐌

Song:
Moon Song (Phoebe Bridgers)
"But you're holding me like water in your hands. When you saw the dead little bird, you started crying."

T.W.: suicidal thoughts, (proper) use of medicinal drugs (morphine)

NOVEMBER 1980

In hindsight, she would take a lot of things back if she knew that she would end up in a hospital bed, stuck between a very sensitive part between life and death.

She would have taken back the alcohol she consumed to the point where she passed out in random spots of the house while she was staying with Narcissa. She would have taken back the strain she put on her body with every mission. She would have taken back the sleeping pills, and she would have taken up on Sirius' advice to check up on her symptoms.

It had started with shaky hands and some nausea. It had progressed to her feeling exhausted 24/7, to having mental breakdowns because she couldn't get out of the bed, or to having impulsive thoughts that led her to Tobias' bed one too many times. It had ended with her puking up blood every few hours, yet refusing to accept that something was wrong with her, until one day she passed out while making breakfast.

If she was honest, she preferred the state of unconsciousness to what she was going through now. Pure, excruciating agony, as the healers refused to give her any painkillers. The medication wasn't out of her bloodstream yet, and all the magical painkillers would clash with it.

"Have some patience... I'll give you something for the pain soon."

She didn't blame the healer, it wasn't her fault, but she just needed it to go away. It felt as if the world was crashing down on her shoulders, yet she was too weak to move. Everything burned, and not even all the cooling charms around her were enough to alleviate the pain. She wasn't even registering what she was saying, and if she even made any sense at all.

"Shhhh." The voice was soothing, the cold palm on her forehead as the man pushed the hair away from her eyes, doing more for the burn than any of the potions and spells. She could smell the cologne; peppermint mixing with cigarette smoke as he held her close.

She opened her eyes, too exhausted to try and make the connection between a person and a scent, only getting more confused when she saw Sirius. She was hallucinating, there was no other explanation. The pain was so much that she was imagining things.

"It's all going to be okay." He murmured, kissing her forehead. "Just hang on a bit more, alright?"

"Sirius?" He nodded, smiling sadly.

"In the flesh."

"Sirius, tell them to let me go." She pleaded, unable to hold back the tears. "I don't want to be here anymore. I-I can't be here anymore, Sirius. Tell them to let me go."