Thoughts (Part 2!)

2022-10-30

On tiktok I keep seeing these stupid videos where it's like "if you were in a room full of people, do you think anyone would choose you?" And I fucking hate seeing them because I know the answer.

If I get put in a room full of people, people I know and those people know other people in the room, I know for a fact that it's never going to be me.

It seems so dumb to have fallen into the mentality of being everyone's second choice and yet I can't see it any other way.

I sit there and think about the obvious answers, mum would pick Everton, Violet would pick Grey, Jacob would pick Isaac or Karson, Dominica would pick Isaac, Zander would pick Kayden and vice versa, Bree would pick Clayton, Joie would pick her girlfriend, Ezra would pick one of his newest friends or Joie, Justin would pick his girlfriend, Karson would pick Jacob, Isaac would pick Jacob, Tommy would pick Devon or Ethan.

I know there's more people but the list just keeps going. Some don't even realize they do it, those are the ones that actively deny it because they don't see that they are doing it, but actions always speak louder than words.

It hurts sometimes. I don't know how else to look at this. There isn't really any other way.

Anyway did I tell you about how Jacob reacted to my costume? You could 100% see my tits as I definitely looked like a whore going to the club.

Anyway he stared a bit, specifically at my tits. This was in the morning. He practically refused to look at me for the rest of the day and was very cautious with how he touched me when we hugged. Affection dropped real fast.

I caught him glaring at Tommy and Devon at one point, but thats about as far as any jealousy or possessiveness went, that I saw anyway. It's basically the same look he gives Dominica whenever we hug for too long. The one where he has his eyes narrowed and a clear frown.

I think its cute honestly.

He didn't actually say anything about my costume though, which is alright.

The dress was erm clingy I guess, no room for imagination. It made me uncomfortable for a little while, until too many people boosted my ego and I decided I was okay for the day. Its not like I had to look at myself either. Not really.

I put on some lipgm gloss and that was the end of it. Elf ears, witch hat, cape and dress because fuck trying to keep up with everyone in heels.

It wasn't so bad I guess. Could have been better.

Wish I had more of a reaction from my boyfriend but not much I can do.