Thoughts (Part 2!)

2023-05-05

Its rather early in the morning, 3:10am to be exact, but I also acknowledge that it has been a while.

Despite well over a years worth of writing I'm slowly drifting from this book journal of mine, from you.

I couldn't tell you what started it, but seeing as it slowly started after I started working I would assume stress as well as little time to write anything at all.

There's simply no time left anymore, always filled with one thing or another even when I try to spend a day off something ruins it.

Let's just get into everything that's been happening.

First of all, my last entry regarding the Mario Movie, everyone but Nethaniel ended up going that day. I refused to pay for him and basically told him to go fuck himself. Great movie, by the way, can't wait to watch it again.

He stayed for a little over a week, almost two, before problems started. On Tuesday he pissed mother off to the point where she debated on leaving him in London, though she didn't and his problems continued.

Yesterday he was told he wasn't allowed to go to the bridge, the disrespect and ignorance had reached a peak and I eventually just turned around and said that "if he walked out that door that he would not be allowed back in." Mind you, earlier this week I had also told him that he was banned from touching anything I bought, which includes 95% of the food bought in this house, meaning he's been forced to get his food elsewhere as I also told mother that if she goes against it that I would cut everyone off and watch them struggle. This was after the ignorance had begun to start up once more and after a week of him not bathing I told him he needed to shower because it is gross and I could smell him when I walked into the room.

He chose to argue, of course. Our grandfather was here at this point as well as this was Saturday. Nethaniel told me if I said "please and thank you" that he'll go take a quick shower. Quick showers for him are turning on the water, getting in, getting wet and then turning the water off once more. No real bathing you see. This was when I told him to go fuck himself and cut him off completely.

Our grandfather turned around and told me that, and I quote, "One day you'll forgive your brother again and you'll forgive but not forget". Dumb, I know. His reasoning for it was that he was the same way with his mother until her deathbed and he forgave her then.

He was not pleased when I told him "over my dead body will I ever forgive that rat", continued to argue stating that maybe not tomorrow or even ten years from now but it will happen because you are family. Was not impressed when I told him that Nethaniel was no family of mine and that he could die tomorrow and I wouldn't give two shits.

I acknowledge that I am vulgar, fuck off.

Grandfather is the type of person that wholeheartedly believes that since he is old and a vet that he deserves all respect and that his word is law and that no one should question him and that he is the smartest and that he is oh so wise, when in reality he is just a dumb, clumsy, alcoholic, gambling old man that repeats the same stories over and over again and is too stubborn to acknowledge when he's wrong. At least I know where mother got it from. . .

Of course, I'd never tell him any of this. Old man is getting closer and closer to his deathbed and is being paid for his veteran years, I won't fuck up my chances of being in his will, so I'll play "princess" for him and listen to his ramblings. Selfish and cruel, I know, but I don't care much for the people of this household.

Justin continues to make me uncomfortable, it may simply get to a point where I leave dnd, I find little fun in it, though I do enjoy collecting dice. Only the shiny ones though.

Jacob called me his wife the other day, told me he planned to marry me one day.  It truly was adorable.

Prom

Yes prom, with the dancing and the dresses and the expensive ass tickets.

I'm going with Vi and Jacob, Jacob won't dance and I want to give her a better prom experience, not my place to speak simply what I want. I'll be getting more film for my camera for the event.

I have pushed off getting rid of the cats, I fixed the current problems to the best of my abilities and it has put me in a temporary green zone for now.

Pietro I'm tired.

I'm always tired, I don't go to school much, no doubt that I won't graduate this year. No doubt at all really, my highest grade is a 59 as of now and I doubt it will go any higher.

Work is the easiest bit, even if one of my supervisors is driving me mad and I'm getting closer and closer to just going to Ethics about her. She points out every little thing wrong, gaslights us and tells lies to the other supervisors, and is far to touchy for my comfort.

I'm just tired Pietro. And irritable. 

I need a break.

Prom will give me that, a moments peace to just spend time with my sister, hidden away from everyone else, 1 am stupid high or drunk 711 trips, talking shit with someone smart enough to understand and communicate it back, talk about books and art or even just sitting in each other's presence.

That is what I need.

A break.

3 days.

Fuck its so far away. . .

One month.

I can do a month.

We can do a month.

Breathe.

In

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7

Good job.

Now out.

7. 6 . 5 . 4 . 3 . 2 . 1

Perfect.

You did so well, I'm proud of you, so very proud.

Till next time.