Thoughts (Part 2!)

2023-02-28

I can't believe I'm even debating this.

To get rid of them? I'm basically all they've ever known and now I'm abandoning them both.

Bet you're wondering how it has gone from just one to both cats.

The answer to that is guilt.

I feel nothing but guilt.

I don't want to give up either. But I worry for how Naomi will take it, if she is even capable of getting along with other cats.

I had thought about just keeping her by herself, not getting a second cat but she grew up being social. And then I thought about the fact that Naomi and Luci are what is known as a bonded pair.

Where one goes so does the other, that's just how it is I suppose but it's true.

I don't want to take them away from each other.

But if I don't make the decision mum will.

I'm probably gonna do it next Friday. I'll have the money to do it at that point.

So I'll take my pictures and my videos and I will cuddle with them and give them as much love as I can because I am a monster and they just don't know it yet.

I would ask for forgiveness but if I go through with this I'll never see them again to ask for it.

I don't deserve them at all.

They will find a better home. One that can spoil them and give them more love than I ever could. Someone will give them a better life than I can.

I do love them. I'd never say otherwise.

But I am walking on ice and its cracking so I need to make decision.

And my decision is to give them to someone who will care more.

I love them.
But they aren't meant for me.

This doesn't make me a good person, far from it. But at least I know I can try and help them in this small way.