Thoughts (Part 2!)

2022-11-10

The touchyness continues. He's started putting his arm over my shoulder and pulling me to his chest.

He also sat there and kind of stared at my face when we got really close.

I also found out that he likes when I run my fingers over his neck and under his jaw. Its cute.

Hes really bold over text now, and he keeps trying to get me to blush, which isn't very difficult. He keeps kissing the back of my hand too.

He tends to squeeze my arm/shoulder when he puts his hand over my shoulder and dear lord did I hate the thoughts that I have whenever he does it. I didn't think my head could down so fast but fuck dude. I'm terrible honestly.

Like I'm trying to cuddle with my boyfriend, the boyfriend I have still yet to kiss, and I'm thinking stupid things like "imagine his hand on my tit squeezing like that" or "he could definitely pin me with no problem". Its so bad. I hate myself for it so much. I feel so terrible.

I understand in a way that said thoughts are relatively normal, as we are a young couple, but I can't help the guilt that eats away at me.

Work has been alright. Not too bad, I'm enjoying my hours, though I wasn't feeling well last night so it wasn't as good. Had an asthma attack.

Found out that I may have some kind of sensory issue, as I started crying in class yesterday over raw egg, raw chicken, and flour mix getting on my hand. I hated it. The way it stuck to my hands. The way it wouldn't just get off. The way the feeling stuck around for a good hour. Its been a little while since I felt such panic, a panic I don't fully understand. I hated it though. The teacher knows I am to be wearing gloves whilst dealing with raw chicken, yet forced me to do it anyway. I think that was the biggest problem.

Or maybe I'm just being a baby over it.