A dream is just the beginning...

Part 73

Ashoka was sitting on a small bench. Hearing footsteps snapped her out of her thoughts and she saw Mona. She looked in her direction and nodded as a sign that she recognized her. They had met before. Mona trusted her completely. Although she had never had the opportunity to stay close with her and have a friendly relationship.

Hello Mona! - her voice sounded a bit like a master's greeting. She nodded and smiled.

Ashoka....-started an uncertain Mona-where can I find it?

He is on the hill. - the answer came.He is meditating

Ok. In that case I'm going, let whatever happens...- she replied enigmatically

Mona ... listen ... probably not the best time. He just lost his first student. And he is ...? - here she lowered her voice gently - disappointed.

Well...- Mona understood the situation but could not give up now. If they do not clarify a lot of things now, they may never have the opportunity again. - I understand, but it's the only thing I can do in this situation, to go and see if he still...- she hesitated for a moment, wiping her tears- I care about me

Be careful...- Ashoka looked into her eyes. For moments she felt that Mona must be in despair.

I'll be...-she countered and started down the path through the bamboo forest toward her destination.

Her heart was pounding like crazy again. Her breathing became deep and she had a feeling that she would not utter a word out of stress. Especially when she saw his silhouette under the tree, in a meditative position. She hesitated for a moment whether to approach. But as she had come here, she couldn't return empty-handed. 

Not now, when all sorts of conflicting feelings were awakened at the sight of him. She knew he was running away. Some of it was her fault, some of it was because he could no longer bear her sadness. Later, he apologized for it many times, only by letter. But she, having a rump in her heart, never forgave him. Maybe she wasn't ready for it either because of her deep sadness. Then it seemed that their paths slowly parted. 

As if through trauma, they were unable to talk to each other and hid their pain, each in their own way.

She quietly walked up a small hill. Still looking at him, whether he had already noticed her , or not yet. There was no sign of it, although she expected that he sensed her presence. She was in total confusion. She didn't know if their relationship still meant anything to him. The last letter to him, she got three weeks ago. When he still had a student.

When she was close, she stopped and watched him meditate. His gentle face, brought back to her memories of Hoth, when they first kissed and how happy they were then. The coffee in the cantina, the conversations, all came back to her and assaulted her mind. Silence lingered for a while. After which she walked over to a small rock opposite the silhouette of her beloved and sat down on it. Between him and her was a safe space that she did not want them to cross. 

Her wall with which she separated herself from him hid the monstrous hurt not only because he did not understand her but also because he had abandoned her.

He continued to meditate. And she just looked at him. Silence and wind soothed her confusion. She wasn't sure of her reaction. She wasn't sure of anything at all. she felt a little bit like she was at Endor on the night of the celebration, when she didn't yet know he had survived.