if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

33.

33.
make a wish

May 8, 1997

"oh good y/n, you're here" weaver said
i lifted my eyes off my chart.
"is there something you needed?"
i could tell doug and randy were eavesdropping.
"y/n, management is picking out attendings for next year"
"okay"
she paused.
"all i'm saying is you need to step up"
i was surprised, almost taken aback. doug gave a weird look but weaver could tell i was looking at him.
"ross, go find a patient to look after" she said, her eyes still on me.
"i'm sorry, what do you mean by that?"
"y/n, we have records, you're hardly involved in any traumas, you don't publish at all"
there was silence for awhile
"i'm sorry, i'm just a little surprised" i said
"it's just simply criticism, before we consider you for an attending you need to step it up"
she walked away.
i didn't know what to think. i was angry and confused. gosh, i wanted to run out of the hospital and cry.

it was later, carol and doug were walking down the hallway.
"happy birthday, carol" i said
"you told her too?"
"no" doug laughed
"carol, i've known you for years"
"thanks y/n" she smiled, passing by.
i went into curtain three, i had another patient.
"wait a second" doug said
i turned around
"you alright? it seemed like weaver was ripping your head off earlier"
"she told me i needed to step it up, take responsibility"
"are you okay?" he repeated, emphasizing the you
"you know-"
i don't know" i cut myself off
"i didn't even think i was gonna get through med school and once i did i was really proud of myself, for once in my life i was proud of myself"
"you should be"
"i don't know what to feel anymore" i said, walking into the exam room.

i went over to the admit desk. i had just discharged a patient.
mark was back.
"you're back" i said surprised
"yeah" he said, turning around
he looked horrible
"thanks again for looking after rachel"
"mark it's no problem, if you need me to cover for you or do anything just let me know"
"the er is here to support you"
"thanks" he smiled, heading off.
i took yet another chart, sore throat in curtain 3.

everyone was leaving the er.
"what's going on?" i asked chuny
"carols surprise birthday party" she whispered in my ear
"really, nobody told me about that"
"why don't you come with us, at carols house"
"well i might stop by after i get off, if weaver sees me leave early she might rip my head off"
"again"
"see you then i guess" chuny said
"have fun"

i clocked out of work and headed to carols birthday party. i stepped inside with a bottle of vodka.
"glad you made it" lydia exclaimed.
i smiled, looking around the room.
just as i thought this day could get worse, there it was. carol and doug dancing near the window. it was the exact same spot where doug and i cradled little susie not long ago.
i had never gotten over doug. i don't think i ever will either. i know that it was selfish of me for being jealous of the two. i guess i never expected them to get close again.
for a long time all i ever heard was doug and carol. how everyone thought they were soulmates. i guess i feel like i was in a love triangle. that thought also felt selfish of me.
"you alright?" carter asked
"oh, yeah, i'm good"
carol came by us.
"here, happy birthday" i said, handing her the bottle.
"oh, thanks" she smiled
"actually, can i start this off?" i aksed
"sure?" she said, giving me a confused look.
i screwed open the bottle and took a long swig of it.
"god" carter said
carol laughed and doug gave me a look.
the vodka burned down my throat.
i had a feeling it was going to be a long night.