if you call for me, i'll run to you | a doug ross fanfiction

43.

think warm thoughts
January 8, 1998

the holidays came to an end. the holidays were always sort of a bittersweet time for me but never to this extent.
cheers to 1998 i guess.
"your chest x-ray came back normal, your fever and cough is probably just a common cold"
"flu season is here" i shrugged
"anything i need to take?" the patient asked
"no, just make sure to hydrate and rest and you should be ok"
"but, if anything gets worse then feel free to come back" i smiled

i had been on for over 20 hours. the day went by fairly quickly, it was a mostly slow day. i was so tired though, it felt like i was going to fall down into a million pieces.
i stood in the drug lockup.
"you doing ok, y/n?" doug asked, coming behind me.
"as good as someone working for over 20 hours can be"
he grabbed a bottle of medication off the shelf.
"what's going on?" he asked, leaning against the wall.
"i don't know what you mean" i titled my head
"cut the bs"
"the whole er knows that somethings up"
i didn't say anything.
"why would it matter to you anyway?"
we stood and looked at each other for a couple seconds, it got more silent and with each moment the smirk on doug's face disappeared.
he eventually walked out
"we're here to support you" he shouted in the distance, seeming to be angry.

it was later in the night, my shift ended but i didn't want to go home yet.
i stood on the rooftop. you know, when i first worked at the hospital, susan and i would sneak up here once and awhile. to get a breath of fresh air or just to cool off. many angry words were exchanged between us. talking about how rude our attendings were to us.
i remember i was an intern, one of my first patient losses. he was a 54 year old man, ted welkins, he died from cardiac arrest. i came up here to get some fresh air. to process what just happened. susan came up not long later and she made some joke. she was always good at cheering people up. i miss that family sort of connection the er used to have.
"smoking isn't good for asthmatics" mark said
"i thought it would calm me down, these things do squat"
"yeah, trying to give them up myself" he smiled
"what're you doing up here?" he stood next to me
"getting a breath of fresh air i guess"
"i remember when susan, you and me would come up here"
"those were the days"
i looked at the city lights, big cities always fascinated me, especially when all the tall buildings were lit up.
"are you okay?" mark asked
i looked at him
"i'm not gonna jump off of here"
"i didn't say you were"
"we're worried about you"
"i'm worried about you"
"you don't look so healthy lately"
"i'm okay" i said, a lump grew in my throat.
"im here if you need to talk to me"
"i know i haven't been the most approachable person these past few months"
"my incident really took a toll on me i guess, the whole lawsuit did too"
"i'm glad you're doing better now"
"you're off aren't you?" he asked
he knew i wasn't gonna tell him anything
"yeah"
"well, you wanna get down from here and head home?"
i nodded, mark followed me down the stairs.